Sunnypad wrote:No, realistic would be good. Otherwise it's more falls. I realise you can't prevent all of them but you can be careful.
Also, lack of realism causes emergency callouts when I live two hours away.
There must be others who did parent care who recognise this?
Hopefully when she gets home, she will realise it's bonkers. She struggles from bed to chair and thinks she can do laundry?!
Personal case, mum, recently turned 91, with vascular dementia, but is conversant and until a fall a couple of years back resulting in a hip op, is still mobile, but much more wobbly so. Only child (son) so all on me. I moved close years ago with care in mind, couldn't bear to live-in 24/7 nor would she want that herself.
Tried a care home, she hated it, even though it seemed like a great one, so brought her back home after 8 months trial. Progressively requires more time/effort, so for a year I've been dropping in every few hours, 24/7, longest being between 2am and 6am. Very disruptive to ones own life. She had another fall around a month ago and has been back in hospital since, where once again they looking at providing a care package but where what the medics advise is countered by social services opining they know better - mismatched, which repeatedly so has resulted in a repeated out of hospital for a while only to end up being readmitted back into hospital again. Whilst at home she wasn't content either, nor does she like being in hospital (who does). Seems very much like her not being happy whatever. When carers were coming in she'd lock them out, or simply be un-cooperative, resulting in my having to attend (be called in) to resolve issues at each such visit.
No matter what she's not happy. Her dementia has her mood swings being extreme, euphoric, depressed, angry/aggressive, more often by the day, but can be multiple transitions/day. At first that can be very hurtful for oneself, but you do become hardened. I'd like to care for her at home, feel she'd be the happiest there, but at times she doesn't even recognise that as being her own home despite it having been so for over 40 years, and alone, I recognise that its just not possible, I'd need carers to help, but that she outright blocks. So somewhat at a stage where I think she'll have to go back into a care home.
Whilst she had a panic alarm, at times she'd just press that to ask a question such as it it 3am or 3pm (at 3am in the morning). And once pressed once during a night was prone to being repeatedly pressed. I was advised to instead get a alarm that detected falls, but never actually got one before this more recent fall and hospitalisation.
On top of all of daily stresses there's also the financial stresses. £80K/year was her last bill rate and with inflation and higher energy costs etc. I suspect that will rise to £100K/year soon, if not already. And her physical state is pretty good, so could live another 10+ years yet. Funding £1M of possible care costs or more is a daunting prospect. And once money was all blown whilst social services are supposed to pick up the costs I'm in no doubt that their idea of care and care placement would not be what she/I considered as reasonable/appropriate.
There are supposedly millions going through similar circumstances. Even when multiple brothers/sisters are available in practice it tends to all be left to one. BJ was in part elected on the promise of social care reforms - that have been kicked into the long grass, and a situation that is likely to only worsen as the baby boomer 1950's/1960's reaching their dementia years sees numbers swell.
Frightening is how for those with no siblings, who care, how poor the system is. Even basics such as medications aren't correctly filled. When society treats its elderly in such a manner, its questionably civilised. Social Services seem predominately well paid clipboarders that source actual care via outsourcing to the least cost that is in short supply. High cost to the population, for little hands-on actual 'productivity" (too many chiefs, not enough indians we used to say, but I guess that is no longer PC).
If a motorcyclist crashes and ends up with brain damage, the NHS will fund care. If you're diagnosed with 'dementia' then pretty much you're on your own, and made worse by the likes of many low paid workers leaving the care sector when otherwise they had to be jabbed (Covid). I imagine for those that weren't being paid for travel time, and being booked into schedules that required them to spend a hour with Mrs A between 5pm and 6pm and then instantly teleport 6 miles to be with Mrs B between 7pm and 8pm, all for a minimum wage ... that many other minimum wage jobs would have greater appeal instead. Fundamentally the state, nor NHS, care. What years ago might have been considered as just old age dotage, can with technology nowadays be defined as 'self funding dementia'. The decline in family values doesn't help either. I imagine the next gen will simply turn the other way if/when it comes to my dotage years. Seems like the younger gen are all me, me, me, everyone's a winner and the world solely resolves around each one of them. We have to import individuals with ingrained family values.
Good luck and strength, I suspect you'll need both.