Search found 461 matches

by panamagold
October 12th, 2019, 5:42 pm
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: I've Landed The Big One
Replies: 0
Views: 213

I've Landed The Big One

A guy rushes into the house and shouts to his wife " I've just won big time on the lottery - pack a suitcase.
" She says "Winter or summer clothes?"
He replies " I don't care just pi$$ off".

P.S. in the interests of equality the roles can be reversed.
by panamagold
October 12th, 2019, 5:34 pm
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: We're Off To Join The Circus
Replies: 0
Views: 195

We're Off To Join The Circus

The owner of a circus has advertised for a lion tamer. Two people present themselves. A good-looking man, retired and over 70 and a 25-year-old desirable blonde woman. The ringmaster of the circus meets the two candidates and tells them: “My lion is very strong and unpredictable and has killed my la...
by panamagold
October 12th, 2019, 5:26 pm
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: Those First Dates.
Replies: 0
Views: 203

Those First Dates.

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex she spent the next hour fondling his testicles as it had become something she just loved to do. As he was revelling in the pleasure he turned and asked her. “Why do you enjoy doing that so much”? “Because” she replied “I really m...
by panamagold
October 10th, 2019, 8:29 am
Forum: Computers, TVs & Phones
Topic: All-in-one p.c. recommendations
Replies: 14
Views: 554

Re: All-in-one p.c. recommendations

Bought this Lenovo IdeaCentre B310 21.5 inch All-in-One PC (Intel Core i3-550 3.2GHz, 4GB RAM, 1TB HDD, DVDRW, TV Tuner, Windows 7 Home Premium) £486 in 2011 as a spare unit to cover any loss/damage to our main units. Mrs p. was so impressed with it that after 2 weeks she commandeered it as her prim...
by panamagold
October 9th, 2019, 1:41 pm
Forum: Beerpig's Snug
Topic: 50 years old
Replies: 45
Views: 1434

Re: 50 years old

Apparently, if you promise your family and friends that you will do the Couch to 5K by the end of the year, it’s binding. Seeing as I’ve made that promise, can anyone confirm? I would especially like to hear from those who say ‘No’ . Thanks, HYD Cease with the narcissistic appearance hang-up. Park ...
by panamagold
October 6th, 2019, 1:25 pm
Forum: Music, Theatre, TV and Film
Topic: Ginger Baker
Replies: 1
Views: 317

Ginger Baker

Ginger Baker bids farewell aged 80. A good age to achieve. This event took place during my tenure at London's Lyceum in 1971. He disbanded his 'Ginger Baker's Airforce' which included, Steve Winwood, Ric Grech, Jeanette Jacobs, Denny Laine, Phil Seamen, Alan White, Chris Wood, Graham Bond, Harold Mc...
by panamagold
October 4th, 2019, 7:47 pm
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: Knock, Knock.
Replies: 0
Views: 354

Knock, Knock.

Jehovah's Witness Training Centre.
by panamagold
September 26th, 2019, 4:57 pm
Forum: Pedants' Place
Topic: Train Carriages
Replies: 19
Views: 699

Re: Train Carriages

OLTB wrote:

I wonder what my dinner will be formed of tonight?

Cheers, OLTB.


In your original post you omitted to include/explain that the train which would be formed of five cariages would include at least one cariage formed of restaurant services.
by panamagold
September 21st, 2019, 9:50 am
Forum: Beerpig's Snug
Topic: The future of the planet.
Replies: 111
Views: 2923

Re: The future of the planet.

I hasten to add I have the utmost admiration for those who have taken unilateral steps to make a change. Regardless of the outcome I have to say they have far more discipline than me. AiY Hmm? Whilst watching the media coverage yesterday, regarding the demos on climate change, I wondered how much f...
by panamagold
September 18th, 2019, 7:29 pm
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: Sparks may fly
Replies: 0
Views: 475

Sparks may fly

A dubious looking character walks into a bar with a set of jump leads around his shoulders. Barman says “ I’ll serve you but just don’t go starting anything”.
by panamagold
September 18th, 2019, 7:27 pm
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: Sultans of Swing
Replies: 0
Views: 484

Sultans of Swing

I hear Dire Straits are looking to put a band together again for a Middle East tour.
They should check out Qatar George, he knows all the Kurds...
by panamagold
September 17th, 2019, 7:59 am
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: Solid Gold toilet stolen....
Replies: 23
Views: 1141

Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

mc2fool wrote:
Leothebear wrote:I heard the gold was worth £1m so if my maths is right that equates to about 50lbs of gold.

£1m was the initial figure bandied around but now the generally bandied figure seems to be $6m/£4.8m.


Just speculative verbal diarrhoea.
by panamagold
September 14th, 2019, 4:44 pm
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: Solid Gold toilet stolen....
Replies: 23
Views: 1141

Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

Snorvey wrote:..from Blenheim Palace.


What a dump.
by panamagold
September 13th, 2019, 8:04 am
Forum: Beerpig's Snug
Topic: Learning to play the guitar
Replies: 17
Views: 1354

Re: Learning to play the guitar

An Eddie van Halen in the making - Eruption.
by panamagold
September 10th, 2019, 10:02 am
Forum: Laughing Lemons
Topic: Touché
Replies: 0
Views: 521

Touché

A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jack-asses.
The wife says “Relatives of yours”?
Husband says “Yep, inlaws”.
by panamagold
September 7th, 2019, 8:42 am
Forum: Beerpig's Snug
Topic: Anyone recognise this guy?
Replies: 29
Views: 1635

Re: Anyone recognise this guy?

Just seen this - Shine on you crazy diamond...love love love Pink Floyd... Cheers, OLTB. In June this year Dave Gilmour's "Black Strat" was sold at Christie's for US$3.975 million, becoming the most valuable guitar ever sold, privately or at auction. The Black Strat was Gilmour's primary ...
by panamagold
August 31st, 2019, 8:54 am
Forum: Beerpig's Snug
Topic: Oooh, you are awful
Replies: 57
Views: 2505

Re: Oooh, you are awful

Let's not forget our own, our very own - da dah - "The Clitheroe Kid" 8-)
by panamagold
August 26th, 2019, 5:16 pm
Forum: Music, Theatre, TV and Film
Topic: Peaky Blinders Season 5
Replies: 24
Views: 1203

Re: Peaky Blinders Season 5

Lickeys! Brought back happy memories of uncomplicated days. My wife, an ardent follower of Peaky, informs me that as a child she would visit her grandparents in Cofton Hackett and they would spend time picking billberries up Lickey Hills. She doesn't, however, recollect a public phone box up there.
by panamagold
August 26th, 2019, 8:43 am
Forum: Beerpig's Snug
Topic: Oooh, you are awful
Replies: 57
Views: 2505

Re: Oooh, you are awful

Oh dear. [cringemode] Hi de Hi, On The Buses [/cringemode] to name two. Conspicuous by their absence from your list must be. Q - Spike Milligan The Young Ones Rik Mayall (who could forget Kevin Turvey) Alan Partridge However, I will be spending my twilight years watching repeats from my list 8-) Whe...

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