Dealing with an elderly parent's bank and account

[PrinceMonolulu]

This is my first post. Apologies for the long-windedness, but I have asked for help elsewhere and am not getting consistent advice.

The situation in brief: my mother is living alone in another part of the country. She has dementia. Due to my own circumstances, I can only visit her every 8-10 weeks (high cost of train fares, hotels and meals out - it is not possible to lodge with her).Carers from the council have started to come in three times a day to deal with her food and medication. There is a safe where I left some cash when I visit, and they draw on this for bread, milk etc. It was agreed that her visa card would also be left there for the carers to use as required.

The problem is that mother has a contactless credit card but doesn't know the PIN, so it has never been activated. When the carers tried to use it, it of course didn't work. They are asking me to deal with the bank (that is sort out a contactless they can use) on her behalf. The problem is that banks are quite properly safeguarding their elderly customers, and so I think they won't deal with this request, or with me, and her dementia means that Power of Attorney is not possible. (My understanding is that the solicitor drawing up the PoA will have to satisfy himself that the person needing it is capable of understanding what is going on. Mother does not and has a memory span of 10 minutes).

What should I do to activate her current (but useless) card or get a replacement? It would also help if her bills could be paid by direct debit, but again, how can I get her bank to do this? Will the bank send documents/forms for signature to my address or must they go to the customer?

Mother throws things away that she doesn't understand. As an example, I arranged for a replacement bus pass for her but there is no sign of either a bus pass or an application form in her house, and she doesn't remember me even taking her to the council offices where this was discussed. I fear that anything sent to her address by the bank will disappear in the same way.

[Chrysalis]

Hi there
In order to properly and safely look after your mother’s affairs, you need to be legally appointed as such. You may have heard about Power of Attorney, which is the main way that this is done. Unfortunately it can only be set up while the ‘donor’ has mental capacity, which it sounds like your mother does not. In these circumstances, you would have to apply to the Court of Protection to be appointed her deputy. This would then legally allow you to manage her bills, bank account etc. There is some informationa about this at the Citizens advice website below:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/famil ... eone-else/

I would suggest you stop trying to muddle through allowing carers free access to cash cards etc - this is open to all sorts of problems and potential abuses. Best get it properly sorted as your mother is potentially pretty vulnerable.

(I manage my elderly father’s affairs under power of attorney. It’s really much better once you get all the bills automated, access to their account online so you can monitor if anything odd is happening. I do allow the care manager to use his debit card, as like you I am too far away to manage day to day affairs, but she has to let me know what cash she’s taken out and she also takes photos of shopping receipts).

[Chrysalis]

Sorry I should add that I have every sympathy for your situation, I know what it is like when important bits of paper go missing (sometimes to resurface inexplicably months later!!!) and bills go unpaid etc. The only solution is to go through the painstaking leg work to divert mail away from your mother. It can be frustrating and tedious but once set up life is much less stressful. Good luck.

[Chrysalis]

Sorry I should add that I have every sympathy for your situation, I know what it is like when important bits of paper go missing (sometimes to resurface inexplicably months later!!!) and bills go unpaid etc. The only solution is to go through the painstaking leg work to divert mail away from your mother. It can be frustrating and tedious but once set up life is much less stressful. Good luck.

[didds]

Without wanting to pry, why is it you cannot stay at your mother's place when you visit? In the circumstances you describe if its because her housing doesn't permit "overnight guests" or whatever, it must be worth engaging with whoever creates this "rule" to seek a solution.

didds

[PrinceMonolulu]

Jabd and didds, thank you for your replies.

I did consider that leaving cash and the contactless card was open to abuse, but at the time I felt it was the only way forward. If I hadn't left money, she would have starved as there was not much food in the house (I went shopping though and filled her cupboards for the time being).

Mother lives in a one-bedroom rented terrace house. There is nowhere for me to sleep, and more importantly, nowhere to shower. Mother has no bath or shower, and uses a plastic bowl for washing. She doesn't do housework either, so the place is dusty and untidy. I have my own health problems and have an impaired immune system, I cannot afford any sort of infection and so keeping clean is essential. That is why I cannot stay in her house overnight.

[Chrysalis]

Yes, I appreciate you must do what is pragmatic to sort out immediate crises. However, you won’t be able to take proper care of her bills etc without sorting it officially - it will take time and effort but does make everything easier to manage eventually, especially since a lot of it can be done remotely online. One thing you can do, I think relatively easily without the courts, is apply to be her appointee with DWP for any benefits.

[PrinceMonolulu]

I have just come off the phone from talking with a council finance & benefits officer.

He has said exactly the same thing as you - get an appointeeship with DWP as the easiest and quickest way forward in a case where there is no property, investments or company pensions etc. involved.

Your advice was spot on.