Remove ads

Introducing the LemonFools Personal Finance Calculators

Forgive or Banish

A virtual pub for off topic, light hearted pub related banter and discussion. No trainers

Forgive or Banish?

Poll ended at January 14th, 2019, 8:03 pm

Forgive
10
53%
Banish
9
47%
 
Total votes: 19

Howyoudoin
Lemon Slice
Posts: 606
Joined: June 4th, 2018, 7:58 pm
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 172 times

Forgive or Banish

#192876

Postby Howyoudoin » January 11th, 2019, 8:03 pm

If you found out that your best friend of many, many, years had been lying to you and when you confronted them over this, they denied it in the face of overwhelming evidence and refused to apologise, would you:

Beerpig
2 Lemon pips
Posts: 203
Joined: November 5th, 2016, 6:49 am
Has thanked: 60 times
Been thanked: 130 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192885

Postby Beerpig » January 11th, 2019, 8:57 pm

Forgive.
Always- even if they are not sorry.
Let it go.

nimnarb
Lemon Slice
Posts: 369
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 4:10 pm
Has thanked: 66 times
Been thanked: 109 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192911

Postby nimnarb » January 11th, 2019, 11:25 pm

Howyoudoin wrote:If you found out that your best friend of many, many, years had been lying to you and when you confronted them over this, they denied it in the face of overwhelming evidence and refused to apologise, would you:


Depends on the circumstances, If you caught your best friend in bed with your wife, what would you do?

Snorvey
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2211
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 12:51 pm
Has thanked: 635 times
Been thanked: 819 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192914

Postby Snorvey » January 11th, 2019, 11:39 pm

in times like these, I find a song helps clear the mind.

https://youtu.be/whQQpwwvSh4

Clariman
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 1106
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 12:17 am
Has thanked: 609 times
Been thanked: 284 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192915

Postby Clariman » January 11th, 2019, 11:42 pm

It depends entirely on the circumstances and how much I valued the friendship e.g. was the lie that he had a secret drinking or gambling problem in which case I'd try to help. Or was it that he was having a relationship with your teenage daughter in which case I would not forgive.

Entirely dependent on circumstances

Leothebear
Lemon Slice
Posts: 292
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 1:18 pm
Has thanked: 34 times
Been thanked: 91 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192943

Postby Leothebear » January 12th, 2019, 8:54 am

Clariman wrote:It depends entirely on the circumstances and how much I valued the friendship e.g. was the lie that he had a secret drinking or gambling problem in which case I'd try to help. Or was it that he was having a relationship with your teenage daughter in which case I would not forgive.

Entirely dependent on circumstances


My sentiment exactly.

Howyoudoin
Lemon Slice
Posts: 606
Joined: June 4th, 2018, 7:58 pm
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 172 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192956

Postby Howyoudoin » January 12th, 2019, 9:46 am

Clariman wrote:It depends entirely on the circumstances and how much I valued the friendship e.g. was the lie that he had a secret drinking or gambling problem in which case I'd try to help. Or was it that he was having a relationship with your teenage daughter in which case I would not forgive.

Entirely dependent on circumstances


Comparable to the latter rather than the former.

Had to make the tough decision to banish.

HYD

stevensfo
Lemon Slice
Posts: 635
Joined: November 5th, 2016, 8:43 am
Has thanked: 272 times
Been thanked: 129 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192972

Postby stevensfo » January 12th, 2019, 11:35 am

nimnarb wrote:
Howyoudoin wrote:If you found out that your best friend of many, many, years had been lying to you and when you confronted them over this, they denied it in the face of overwhelming evidence and refused to apologise, would you:


Depends on the circumstances, If you caught your best friend in bed with your wife, what would you do?


After wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes and getting a bottle of champagne, probably enquire which drugs he'd used! :P

Steve

bungeejumper
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2784
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 2:30 pm
Has thanked: 572 times
Been thanked: 809 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#192986

Postby bungeejumper » January 12th, 2019, 12:11 pm

A politician's wife writes:

"Dear Abbie, I have recently learned from the MSM that my most trusted companion in life has been lying to me for the last twenty years about his repeated dalliances with other women. I have accosted him repeatedly about the late nights he spends in the office with his 'business associates', but he has invariably assured me that he was in fact innocently lying on the couch all the time, eating cheeseburgers and watching Fox TV.

It has now become clear, however, that a different kind of foxes have been holding my husband's attention. And a bill has just arrived from Russia for a new mattress, which he says is nothing to do with him, and he gets strangely agitated at the mention of somebody called Daniels, who I always thought was just some kind of a corny magician? It's all beginning to make sense.

He continues to deny everything, of course. But will I banish him for his lying? Not just yet, sweetie. The billion dollar book contract has been signed, and the film and musical rights are nearly ready to go. I can wait. :twisted:

M"

AleisterCrowley
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3169
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 11:35 am
Has thanked: 629 times
Been thanked: 681 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193027

Postby AleisterCrowley » January 12th, 2019, 3:23 pm

I'm on the banish side...
My friend for 40+ years moved to Australia with his wife and family. I lent them a few thousand as a bridging loan while they sold the UK house, which wife repaid promptly.
Friend got in touch again a year or so later - "We need your help again" - so I lent 'them' £4k in total, just until things improved.
There were a few tiny repayments (<£100 total) and then nothing. Got in touch with his wife on Facebook and turns out she didn't know anything about the later loans and had chucked him out of the house ...
I kept politely asking him for repayment via Facebook messenger, and it was always 'next month when I'm sorted out' blah blah
Eventually he unfriended me, and no contact since.
As far as I'm concerned he no longer exists. If he asked for help again I'd happily ignore him even if he were starving.

Never give anyone a second chance, they'll just abuse you

Snorvey
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2211
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 12:51 pm
Has thanked: 635 times
Been thanked: 819 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193028

Postby Snorvey » January 12th, 2019, 3:26 pm

.....if he asked for help again I'd happily ignore him even if he were starving.


I believe the correct phrase is: 'I wouldn't pish on you if you were on fire'

AleisterCrowley
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3169
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 11:35 am
Has thanked: 629 times
Been thanked: 681 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193029

Postby AleisterCrowley » January 12th, 2019, 3:33 pm

That's the diplomatic way of putting it.

I would put him out, but with a shovel

richlist
Lemon Slice
Posts: 397
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 3:54 pm
Been thanked: 74 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193039

Postby richlist » January 12th, 2019, 4:02 pm

So you're not a believer in forgiving and are not to bothered about going to Heaven ?

The people I have the greatest admiration for are those that can rise above everyone else and forgive..... whatever the situation.
There have been quite a few in the news over recent years......I'm not sure if I could follow their lead......it's probably difficult to know for sure until you're put in that situation.

bungeejumper
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2784
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 2:30 pm
Has thanked: 572 times
Been thanked: 809 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193055

Postby bungeejumper » January 12th, 2019, 4:42 pm

richlist wrote:So you're not a believer in forgiving and are not to bothered about going to Heaven ?

Heaven? Why bring religion into it? Darwin's good enough for me. Without honesty, the species won't prosper and may not survive.

The immediate point, surely, is that humans sometimes need reminding that their actions can bring harmful consequences for others, and that some of those consequences are likely to come back and bite them on the marshmallows. Without that elementary negative feedback, some people will never learn anything and the world will be a poorer place.

I'm pretty forgiving, and I do it when I can, but I really can't stand serial liars. (And I won't tolerate sexual infidelity when it's too close to me. As my first wife found out.) There, is that good enough for you?

BJ

richlist
Lemon Slice
Posts: 397
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 3:54 pm
Been thanked: 74 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193079

Postby richlist » January 12th, 2019, 6:38 pm

No, I don't think it is good enough......we can all do better, even you. Your inability to forgive definitely needs to be worked on but, I would defend the freedom you have to take that view.

AleisterCrowley
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3169
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 11:35 am
Has thanked: 629 times
Been thanked: 681 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193088

Postby AleisterCrowley » January 12th, 2019, 7:18 pm

richlist wrote:So you're not a believer in forgiving and are not to bothered about going to Heaven ?
.

Well, I'm an atheist so doesn't really apply ... I do have a moral code though. As BJ points out, if you let people get away with bad behaviour indefinitely they will just carry on and probably get worse, harming lots of other people along the way.
I may forgive my ex-friend eventually - but until I get my money back he's persona non grata.
I am generally a quite generous and trusting person, but got sick of a few individuals taking advantage, so taking inspiration from Alice Cooper I decided it was "No More Mr Nice Guy"
These days it's ONE strike and you're out. For good.

nimnarb
Lemon Slice
Posts: 369
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 4:10 pm
Has thanked: 66 times
Been thanked: 109 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193130

Postby nimnarb » January 13th, 2019, 1:24 am

richlist wrote:No, I don't think it is good enough......we can all do better, even you. Your inability to forgive definitely needs to be worked on but, I would defend the freedom you have to take that view.



OK Richlist(let's test your name). I need 25K(not Nigerian by the way) Please send it to me and when I don't pay you back, I know that I have your forgiveness...Actually can we make this a monthly payment? ;)

kiloran
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 1785
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 9:24 am
Has thanked: 441 times
Been thanked: 777 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193159

Postby kiloran » January 13th, 2019, 9:27 am

I think forgiveness has to be linked to genuine and believable expressions of remorse and commitment to change. Can't have one without the other.

--kiloran

Ashfordian
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 1087
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 5:47 pm
Has thanked: 146 times
Been thanked: 74 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193183

Postby Ashfordian » January 13th, 2019, 10:27 am

Howyoudoin wrote:
Clariman wrote:It depends entirely on the circumstances and how much I valued the friendship e.g. was the lie that he had a secret drinking or gambling problem in which case I'd try to help. Or was it that he was having a relationship with your teenage daughter in which case I would not forgive.

Entirely dependent on circumstances


Comparable to the latter rather than the former.

Had to make the tough decision to banish.

HYD


Based on this message following up on your first post you have made the correct decision.

The way I judge these decisions is what advice would you give to another friend or someone anonymous on the Internet

bungeejumper
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2784
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 2:30 pm
Has thanked: 572 times
Been thanked: 809 times

Re: Forgive or Banish

#193191

Postby bungeejumper » January 13th, 2019, 10:54 am

I refer you, sirs, to Deuteronomy Chapter 23, Verse 1:

https://biblia.com/bible/Deuteronomy23.1

It could have been worse, then. Banishment suddenly seems like quite a mild response. ;)

BJ


Return to “Beerpig's Snug”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: brightncheerful, Pendrainllwyn and 3 guests