Double-entendres aired on TV and Radio

[nimnarb]

Some I have heard many years ago, but love the last one.

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said?'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?'

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

[Dod101]

Thanks. I like this sort of thing but few of these were actually double-entendres I should think. (Maybe this should be on the pedants' Board) A true double-entendre should always have an intent to be interpreted in two ways, whereas I should think most of these were accidental.

On TV and Radio, they would come from a slightly risqué comedian whereas those quoted seem to have emanated from respectable commentators or anchors.

Still, I enjoyed them.

Dod

[EssDeeAitch]

The classic double-entendre is of course "a woman asked the barman for a double-entendre so he gave her one".

[UncleEbenezer]

Isn't cricket commentary the classic? The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey (or was it vice versa?) Or the batsman who just failed to get his leg over?

Apart from that, you can go back to the classic age exemplified by the Carry Ons and some of their regulars.

[staffordian]

Another Brian Johnson cricket classic came after a batsman suffered a painful injury on the fifth delivery of the over.

"Right, he's ready to face the bowler, with one ball left"

Or words to that effect...

[didds]

Cricket seems stuffed full of accidental double entendres ...

another couple...

And there is Cowdrey at leg-slip, legs apart, waiting for a tickle.

And now we have Ray Illingworth relieving himself at the pavilion end.

didds

[didds]

I confess to having a deliberate double-entendre on a cricket commentary once... I used to be cricket statistician for a local BBC Radio station back in the early 1980s. One afternoon we were covering the touring West Indians and as there was just the one commentator in the OBU (outside broadcast unit) I sat in the co commentators seat to score from, and was provided with a mic etc for occasional comments.

The WI fielder closest to us on the bondary was chewing gum very hard and this was noted by the commentator, who asked me something like if I chewed gum when playing. I replied with some deliberate comment aboput public mastication, which my commentator picked up and replied in suitable "ooo matron" style tones. Much hilarity between us.

I was young - that's my excuse!

Ah - those halcyon days of being paid to do what I loved!

didds

[Leothebear]

Surely the best DEs were about Samantha in "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" by the sadly missed Humphrey Littleton:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Toi27HQHeI8

[kiloran]

Surely the best DEs were about Samantha in "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" by the sadly missed Humphrey Littleton:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Toi27HQHeI8

Hear hear!
http://www.g0akh.f2s.com/isihac/Samanth ... s_Page.php

--kiloran

[brightncheerful]

I'm going to suggest to Mrs Bnc that we have some vegan friends for dinner.

[kempiejon]

While we're with ISIHAC Lionel and Una?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wTR03jlQ8M

Give us a clue, the TV charades.
"Who will ever forget the show's, now famous, commonwealth tour, when Lionel Blair jumped up and displayed his Passage To India for the full two minutes!"
"Who can forget the sight of Lionel, on his knees and sweating, after polishing off "An officer and a gentleman" in under two minutes."
Or Una Stubbs hands a blur seeing to Three Men in a Boat in under 2 minutes,

[tjh290633]

I think it was "Round the Horne" which used to have spoof commentaries on Royal events, where one of the commentators was Hugh Jampton. Say it quickly and apply your knowledge of rhyming slang. My autocorrect knew instantly.

TJH

[stevensfo]

I think it was "Round the Horne" which used to have spoof commentaries on Royal events, where one of the commentators was Hugh Jampton. Say it quickly and apply your knowledge of rhyming slang. My autocorrect knew instantly.

TJH

Some of the funniest sketches in RTH were 'Jules and Sandy' played by Kenneth Williams and Hugh Paddick, in rather camp discussions with Kenneth Horne. Every week they'd be in a different profession. One time they decided to become lawyers.

HORNE: Will you take my case?
JULIAN: Well, it depends on what it is. We've got a criminal practice that takes up most of our time.
HORNE: Yes, but apart from that, I need legal advice.

It was clear that the audience got the joke!

Steve

[simsqu]

I'm going to suggest to Mrs Bnc that we have some vegan friends for dinner.

Yyyyes.

Ummm

How can I break it to you BnC?

That's not a double-entendre.

Can I suggest you have a good look at some excellent examples given here, practice a couple to yourself, then call Mrs BnC into the room and give her one

[PinkDalek]

I'm going to suggest to Mrs Bnc that we have some vegan friends for dinner.

That's not a double-entendre.

Are you sure? I saw a double-entendre in what he said, as well as a third potential interpretation.

[nimnarb]

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West

“Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present.” – Mae West

“A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.” – Mae West

“You may be a cunning linguist, but I’m a master debater.” – Austin Powers



“I personally feel this kind of thing leaves a nasty taste in one’s mouth, and that the perpetrators need to be taken firmly in hand.” – Source unknown

“Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.” – Famous English Public House sign.

“Michelle doesn’t go all the way down.” – Barack Obama talking about his wife’s press-up technique.

“Having seen what she did to the baritone, the director is keen to see what she might do for a tenor,” – Humphrey Lyttelton’s funny innuendo about fictional character Samantha on the BBC TV panel show I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue.

“I’ve got to get Mrs Gimlet to Oldham and then I’m going to Bangor as fast as I can” – Viz comic


“What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?” – James Allen interviewing Formula One Grand Prix driver Ralf Schumacher.

“As a cricketer, we specialize in sorting out maidens and we pride ourselves on finding the gap every time.” – Kyle Raoul Williamson

“The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey.” – Funny cricket quote by commentator Brian Johnston.

“Yes, Seaman’s on everyone’s lips this morning.” – Funny football quote by TV sports presenter Des Lynam

Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They
seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in
his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

David Coleman: And there is the great Cuban runner Alberto Juantorena, opening his legs wide and showing us all his class."

Another David Coleman classic
Linford Christie's got a habit of pulling it out when it matters most

Fanny Craddock one true? When Johnny said "And I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's" - or is it an urban myth?

Also Trevor McDonald's gaff when he said "The C#nt Kentriside" instead of "The Kent Countryside"

https://www.alternet.org/2014/06/19-bes ... about-sex/







Bird Life

Perhaps these dedicated scientists will now turn their attention to the raging debate over whether one tit in hand beats two in the well-trimmed bush?

I only see one great tit. Would be nice see a pair of great tits

[tjh290633]

Definition of a tango:

A naval engagement not involving loss of seamen.

TJH

[bungeejumper]

Not a broadcast quote, so technically O/T, but Sir Thomas Beecham's admonition to an underperforming lady cellist has deservedly found its place in the musical annals:

“Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands. And all you can do is sit there and scratch it.”

BJ

[Gaggsy]

Terry Wogan's Janet & John stories often left me wondering 'How the hell can he get away with this on Breakfast Time radio?'
A few examples in the links here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35459202

[SalvorHardin]

When it comes to double entendres I can't think of anything that comes close to 'Allo 'Allo!

I recently saw the entire series and it feels as if almost every scene has at least one double entendre. In particular everything said by Office Crabtree, due to his unusual French accent, and any time Rene has a conversation with Lieutenant Gruber (or Yvette).

Gruber - "You notice I am walking very gingerly"
René - "Do not tell me you have dynamite in your trousers"
Gruber - "You should not believe everything you hear, Rene" [Rene is expecting someone with dynamite in their trousers, concealed within a large knockwurst sausage]

Crabtree - "I was pissing by the door, when I heard two shats"

Rene (talking about his dead twin brother to Gruber) when asked if they came from Nancy - "Yes we were both Nancy boys"


As to cricket, the famous "leg over" incident was on Test Match Special when Ian Botham tried and failed to avoid the stumps (link below):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsVTpX7LdZQ
https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2005/aug ... andrewculf