AsleepInYorkshire wrote:I'll see you leg and raise you a finger
Left index to be precise. Lifted up a pile of books and paper and leaned over to drop it on the floor. Index finger suitably curled under the paper. Sharp pain. Looked down. Nailed popped out from under skin. Phew thought I. Felt like I broke it. Went to hospital to have nail removed. X-ray. Broken digit.
Ha, we nearly had to cancel our wedding because of the ivy on the garden wall. Barely half a kilo of it, probably. Evil stuff, ivy.
My task for the afternoon, to tidy up the garden for the reception guests. Get a short ladder, just eight or nine feet. Prop it against the stone wall, rip the ivy out and put it in the green bin. Climb down ladder. Open a celebratory beer. Easy.
Stages one and two went fine. And at stage three, the ladder started to slip away from the wall
at ground level. (Wet grass.) With me at an altitude of eight feet, and the top of the ladder scraping down the wall as its angle to the perpendicular rapidly widened.
I should have jumped for it. What did I do? Tried to hang onto the stone wall with my fingers, that's what. Popped three finger joints out and heard them snap back into place. (Eurghhhhh, the sound.
) Looked down at mangled left hand. Two fingers now swollen like pigs in blankets, but with whole pigs where other people would have used sausages. Knuckles like the things they tie ships up with. Not a chance of a wedding ring going over that fourth finger, unless it was a substitute borrowed from a curtain pole.
We struck a compromise. I stopped whimpering and spent the next four weeks with my hand in a cold compress, and a jar of medicated grease got the ring on, and the ivy project was cancelled. It's still up there now, and not doing anybody any harm. It almost looks nice if you try not to notice it.
BJ