The Lemon Fool

jfgw wrote:The electric hand drier has already been mentioned. I wish to nominate a related but even more useless item - the hand wash drier. These are usually either stainless steel or fake stone (plastic). Inserting one's hands into the cavity causes the UPoE (useless piece of equipment) to make a noise and, in some cases, dispense a blob of soap. The UPoE then dispenses enough water to spread the soap over one's hands but not wash it off. A short puff of air finishes the cycle. It is then necessary to activate the UPoE again but avoid the soap in order to finish washing the soap off of one's hands. Drying is performed naturally while walking down the road.

Julian F. G. W.

Tip when you fear that soap.

If there's loopaper to hand, use it to catch the blob of soap. Then just throw it away when the water comes.

No loopaper? Have you got anything in your pocket, bag or wallet? An old ticket, a flyer you failed to resist, a wrapper from something?

Without the soap, the water provides an adequate rinse (for normal cases). Then just retreat when the dodgy air follows.

AleisterCrowley wrote:

jfgw wrote:...Inserting one's hands into the cavity causes the UPoE (useless piece of equipment) to make a noise and, in some cases, dispense a blob of soap. ...
Julian F. G. W.

80% of the time it makes a grinding /whirring noise and nothing comes out.

I often end up using stand-alone hand dryers which blow cold air - obviously the heating element has failed
How difficult is it to design a dryer that either;
(a) doesn't work when element fails, or
(b) has some sort of diagnostic (just one little red LED) that indicates a failed element ????

(b) is preferable, as cold air is better than nothing . Assuming the operators can be bothered to fix things.

In these circumstances, I favour self-preservation and just wipe my hands on my trousers!

simsqu wrote:I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment.

Of coarse...
Oliver Reeds' description in (was it) Castaway.
I was somewhat younger then but it seemed about right

TheMotorcycleBoy wrote:Cat leads.

Wow, didn't know you could get jump leads specifically for cats. Brings a new dimension to the phrase 'dead cat bounce'

TheMotorcycleBoy wrote:I'm not joking!
https://www.amazon.co.uk/HOMIMP-Adjusta ... B07FY8S2FV

The puurfect present for your favourite pet!

Ah, slightly disappointing.

On the subject of soap dispensers in toilets. I abhor the new dispensers that don't supply soap, they supply a foam which is useless for washing hands unless you press the dispenser at least a dozen times. Just use soap then one squidge will do.

On a similar note. I'm sure most of us are old enough to remember IZAL toilet paper, designed to spread not wipe. The newest scam is to use normal toilet paper but in extremely narrow sheets. Travelodge was the first encounter I had with this abomination but it's turning up everywhere. OK I get the idea that they are trying to save paper, very commendable but totally wrong headed. You need to pull off about 5' of the stuff and carefully fold it to get a useable piece.

OK I might be stretching the definition of 'piece of equipment' just a little but I hope you will forgive me.

sg31 wrote:On a similar note. I'm sure most of us are old enough to remember IZAL toilet paper, designed to spread not wipe.

Ha ha!

We all did a kitchen-round-the-water-cooler analysis on this last week at work. The first suggestion that it was our schools did this as a cost saving exercise.

This claim was quickly poo-pooed (pardoning the pun of course ) since the manufacturer obviously would have to pay more production costs to coat it.....i.e. with that shiny surface we all remember slide off one's rear without any "muck away" effect.

The winning suggestion: schools really did save money on tracing paper toilet tissue, because it was viewed as such low value no one could be bothered to nick it and take it home!!



Matt

sg31 wrote: I'm sure most of us are old enough to remember IZAL toilet paper, designed to spread not wipe.

I always thought it was for polishing.

TJH

Snorvey wrote:

tjh290633 wrote:

sg31 wrote: I'm sure most of us are old enough to remember IZAL toilet paper, designed to spread not wipe.

I always thought it was for polishing.

TJH

Correctamundo.

You forget, 'You can't polish a turd.'

tjh290633 wrote:

sg31 wrote: I'm sure most of us are old enough to remember IZAL toilet paper, designed to spread not wipe.

I always thought it was for polishing.

TJH

Crumple well and unfold before wiping

sg31 wrote:
On a similar note. I'm sure most of us are old enough to remember IZAL toilet paper, designed to spread not wipe.

But makes excellent tracing paper, so not that useless maybe.

didds

kempiejon wrote:Crumple well and unfold before wiping

You've just made my eyes water, sir. All I want for Christmas is a crinkle-scraped sphincter. Try saying that after a few beers.

BJ

Snorvey wrote:Out of curiosity I thought I'd give 'eco' a go midway through my morning shower - Save the planet and all that.

My screams were heard across the road.

Okay, so now you know what the eek means. The oh comes later, when you check your next fuel bill for the massive savings that will surely result?

Anyway, look on the bright side. I bet you're the only house in your street where Burns Night is celebrated before Christmas.

BJ

sg31 wrote:You forget, 'You can't polish a turd.'

Myth busted,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiJ9fy1qSFI

Julian F. G. W.