21 Days and counting...

[JMN2]

He is eating though? Why not put some castor oil (ricin) in his food.

[bungeejumper]

One further point. People above the age of eight years old shouldn't use the word 'poo'. There are many other words that can be used, some more acceptable than others, granted, but not poo.

Like it, apart from a possible question mark about the poo bit. My doctor (female) has given up on excreta, faeces, stool and so forth, and just says poo whenever the situation warrants it. I mean, it's demo' ic, innit?

And although it bothered me a bit when she first called a fart a fart (a long time ago), it does help to de-mysticise a tricky subject. It also denotes that she views me as part of a separate group from the real old gits who still need to have "stool", "daily rear" (thank you, Baden-Powell) and "opening your bowels" (thank you nurse) said to them. That's a distinction which I still appreciate.

We still have some way to go before she asks me whether I've laid a cable this morning, but hey, I can wait.

BJ

[AleisterCrowley]

The NHS site frequently uses 'poo' rather than faeces, excrement, stools, movements etc - but they're not consistent
I find it a bit twee and patronising
What's wrong with referring to a great big 'Mersey trout'?

[Gaggsy]

People above the age of eight years old shouldn't use the word 'poo'. There are many other words that can be used, some more acceptable than others, granted, but not poo.

I was hoping the link would be a list of such other words.

I'm sure we all have our favourite.
Anyway, I have to drop the kids off at the pool.
I'll have a think and let you know what my own favoured expression is.

[bungeejumper]

Do I get a lollipop as well for being a good wee boy?

Not only that, sonny, but it comes with pictorial instructions in nine languages as to which orifice you're supposed to stick it into.

*initially, I thought it was an awfully small envelope for me to drop one into - until I noticed the sample tube thing

One sample? It sounds as though you can count yourself lucky. Down here we're supposed to supply six samples from the production line, collected on any three days and to be returned within a fourteen day period, including postage time, and taking due account of the fact that it'll go unattended if it arrives on Saturdays or Sundays, and then it'll go stale or something. Got that?

So, taking into account that there's no point sending it later than a Wednesday, and that Monday is the receptionist's day off and Friday they leave the apprentice in charge of the mailroom, you've got a window of maybe four days to complete your six sticky little windows. After which they'll reject it and tell you to do it all over again.

Ugh, my mother taught me not to play with that stuff, but now the state demands it, on pain of excommunication. Welcome to your second childhood.

BJ

[Itsallaguess]

And although it bothered me a bit when she first called a fart a fart, it does help to de-mysticise a tricky subject.

If it was forming a mist then you're absolutely right to be seeing a doctor about it.

Can't be too careful about these things....

Itsallaguess

[UncleEbenezer]

Having come to the required age recently,

'Scuse my impertinence, but is that connected to the age at which the state starts paying you an unconditional income and perks, or determined by something at least notionally more medical?

[AleisterCrowley]

Hmm, I'm 52 and haven't received anything- perhaps it's different in Scotland?
I rather fancy sending them some Nutella, see what they make of it.

[bungeejumper]

Hmm, I'm 52 and haven't received anything- perhaps it's different in Scotland?

Presumably they reduce the testing age to 50 in Scotland. In the vegetable-eating parts of the UK it's 60.

HTH

BJ

[swill453]

Deep fried pizza is a vegetable, isn't it?

Scott.

[bungeejumper]

Deep fried pizza is a vegetable, isn't it?

Joking apart, my devoutly veggie near-neighbours raised their kids on chips, bread and pizza. The whole family hates green vegetables, which has limited their dietary range somewhat over the years. The father, who has no clue about growing things in the soil, once asked me which way up you plant a carrot? I still can't say for sure whether or not he was joking.

BJ

[bungeejumper]

Anyway, I have to drop the kids off at the pool.
I'll have a think and let you know what my own favoured expression is.

Nice one, Gaggsy. As they say, he who laughs last has just got the dodgy double meaning. It's taken me 20 hours.

BJ

[AleisterCrowley]

He'll end up passing a diamond, or a lump of granite at least..
reminds me of an old Viz strip (which i cant find ..)
Yes, i'm too old to read Viz.

[AleisterCrowley]

Lord Sh1te and Nanny No-Dumps.
http://non-carborundum.tumblr.com/image/83095964780

[robbelg]

After 47 ( Forty-Seven ) days he's been released - lack of evidence!!!!


https://www.independent.ie/world-news/e ... 79671.html


Rob

[stewamax]

An inch or two further forward...
During an examination by a registrar in a local NHS hospital I was asked whether I had "any problems with the waterworks". Since I was up to date with my water rates payments, I merely replied "Do you mean do I have difficult urinating?"
He looked at me rather strangely.

[Watis]

An inch or two further forward...
During an examination by a registrar in a local NHS hospital I was asked whether I had "any problems with the waterworks". Since I was up to date with my water rates payments, I merely replied "Do you mean do I have difficult urinating?"
He looked at me rather strangely.

He probably thought you were taking the p... er, Mickey!

Watis

[bungeejumper]

I was asked whether I had "any problems with the waterworks". Since I was up to date with my water rates payments, I merely replied "Do you mean do I have difficult urinating?"
He looked at me rather strangely.

I vaguely recall that the NHS once had to lay on a guidance course for foreign-trained doctors, in which they explained all the 150 incomprehensible ways that British women declared themselves to be pregnant, or possibly so. I rather liked "in pig", "harbouring a fugitive", "in a condition", "eating for two", "plum" (duff),or simply "Keith Cheggers".

BJ