Partner?

[nimnarb]

Perhaps I'm an old fart and completely missed(the last 10-20 years?) what is politically correct to say or perhaps it has to do with this gender business of being "questionable" or perhaps its a gay thing( not being disrespectful here) but I truly don't understand this. If one is married, in my day anyway and still today, I would refer to my wife as my wife and not my partner. So can someone please tell me when this term came to pass or have I just been living under a rock? It used to be that a partner refereed to a business partner so I thought. Why would I want to call my wife,(after 40 years) my partner, bleeding obvious innit? Her Indoors, the Missus perhaps(I wouldn't say this though) I just cant see myself in a restaurant for example introducing her to someone as my partner...........

Have a feeling that I will be told I need to get out more from you younger sprigs, so interested to hear what you call your married other? Now if you are not married, I suppose its OK to call him or her your partner, but to me it still not proper like This is Jim, Sheila, boyfriend, girlfriend, anything but Partner...so Millennium. But seriously, when did this phrase first come into being and Why?

[swill453]

When unmarried I used "partner" sometimes, but it always felt a bit of a mouthful. So I tended to call her "the missus" which I felt was a bit more endearing and had an implication of permanence and intimacy.

Now we're married it's definitely "the wife". On occasion "the missus" but never partner. Who does that?

Scott.

[simsqu]

I'm married. I call my wife, "my wife" if referring to her to others who maybe don't know her, and as far as I know, so do most people. I have never heard someone refer to their wife / husband as "my partner". It is always, "my wife / husband" and so it should be, because that is what it is.

So I don't think that has changed at all

What HAS changed, and for the better in my view, is the fact that people who perhaps are in a longish term / stable relationship, can refer to their...er….partners, as "my partner". I mean, come on, if you have been together for, say, five years without getting married, which is perfectly usual nowadays, referring to your other half as "boyfriend / girlfriend" is frankly, ridiculous, and also I think misleading.

A girl/boyfriend is something you would say for a new relationship, or if you were pretty young. A very good friend of mine, in her fifties, has been living with the same chap for about 15 years, and she refers to him as her partner. To call him her boyfriend would be juvenile, misleading, and really not what their relationship is about. They are in a long-term stable relationship, not some simpering, giggling, coquettish and juvenile breathy flush of naughtiness.

So partner is an excellent term. Very glad it's being used, and spot on for purpose, in my book

[tjh290633]

One situation where it comes up is where a widow finds a new mate. If they get married she may lose any pension which comes from her late husband's work. So they live under the brush and become partners.

Remember the posslq? Person of opposite sex sharing living quarters. Haven't seen it recently.

TJH

[swill453]

Remember the posslq? Person of opposite sex sharing living quarters. Haven't seen it recently.

Never heard of it. Wikipedia says "a term coined in the late 1970s by the United States Census Bureau as part of an effort to more accurately gauge the prevalence of cohabitation in American households" so possibly why it's not prevalent here.

Scott.

[nimnarb]

What HAS changed, and for the better in my view, is the fact that people who perhaps are in a longish term / stable relationship, can refer to their...er….partners, as "my partner". I mean, come on, if you have been together for, say, five years without getting married, which is perfectly usual nowadays, referring to your other half as "boyfriend / girlfriend" is frankly, ridiculous, and also I think misleading.

A girl/boyfriend is something you would say for a new relationship, or if you were pretty young. A very good friend of mine, in her fifties, has been living with the same chap for about 15 years, and she refers to him as her partner. To call him her boyfriend would be juvenile, misleading, and really not what their relationship is about. They are in a long-term stable relationship, not some simpering, giggling, coquettish and juvenile breathy flush of naughtiness.

So partner is an excellent term. Very glad it's being used, and spot on for purpose, in my book

This might be more an American thing as was pointed out but I have seen this mentioned several times actually on the BBC World news when lets say they mentioned her or his partner was murdered and find out that its actually his or her wife/husband.

[nimnarb]

What HAS changed, and for the better in my view, is the fact that people who perhaps are in a longish term / stable relationship, can refer to their...er….partners, as "my partner". I mean, come on, if you have been together for, say, five years without getting married, which is perfectly usual nowadays, referring to your other half as "boyfriend / girlfriend" is frankly, ridiculous, and also I think misleading.

Simsqu, Why is this misleading, ridiculous? Be it 1 one or 5 years. She is your girlfriend, he is your boyfriend. What is misleading about this?

[stevensfo]

I'm married. I call my wife, "my wife" if referring to her to others who maybe don't know her, and as far as I know, so do most people. I have never heard someone refer to their wife / husband as "my partner". It is always, "my wife / husband" and so it should be, because that is what it is.

So I don't think that has changed at all

What HAS changed, and for the better in my view, is the fact that people who perhaps are in a longish term / stable relationship, can refer to their...er….partners, as "my partner". I mean, come on, if you have been together for, say, five years without getting married, which is perfectly usual nowadays, referring to your other half as "boyfriend / girlfriend" is frankly, ridiculous, and also I think misleading.

I was going to reply to the OP but you have already said everything that I was going to say.

Though just to remove any ambiguity, I feel that we should state that we will feel offended if anyone is offended by the fact we are offended if somebody refers to us as partners.

Steve

[tjh290633]

It is more complicated these days, as men can have husbands and women wives.

That still grates, I'm afraid.

TJH

[PinkDalek]

I'm married. I call my wife, "my wife" ...

I find the term "my wife" sometimes appears somewhat overly possessive. Why not introduce her as Mrs Simsqu, if they know who you are, or under whatever name she prefers to be known?

I sometimes introduce my bedmate as my better half (corny I know), as my issue's mother or by her preferred forename, all depending on the situation.

I mean, come on, if you have been together for, say, five years without getting married, which is perfectly usual nowadays, referring to your other half as "boyfriend / girlfriend" is frankly, ridiculous, and also I think misleading.

Agreed.

[nimnarb]

It is more complicated these days, as men can have husbands and women wives.

That still grates, I'm afraid.

TJH

Was waiting for someone to state this..............but as everyone has come out, Man...."This is my husband"(or this is my wife). Woman..."This is my wife", or she can say I think, "this is my husband", so perhaps in that case, partner is better. But I simply brought this up as I was strictly referring to only what I have seen and heard when a couple are clearly married but refer to each other or someone else refers to one half as a partner.....

Phew!!

[simsqu]

Simsqu, Why is this misleading, ridiculous? Be it 1 one or 5 years. She is your girlfriend, he is your boyfriend. What is misleading about this?

Marriage is a legally different thing from a partner, but that's not why you don't refer to your wife as your girlfriend. You refer to your wife as your wife, because that sounds better, doesn't it? And more accurately describes the relationship.

I mean, if we had never married, I would feel ridiculous referring to her as "my girlfriend" after 37 years, for all the reasons I said. Girlfriend means something new, something developing, not certain, not necessarily stable. But of course, everyone will have their own opinion as to their preferred term. I just think "partner" is a really good word to use. I don't think it is particularly PC, or young generation etc, it is just a good term that is used to more accurately describe a long term stable relationship, but not actually a marriage.

[gryffron]

It is more complicated these days, as men can have husbands and women wives.
That still grates, I'm afraid

I'm fine with that. More concerned with why anyone would choose a civil parternship these days? Let alone fight in the court for their right to have one.
"I love you darling. But not quite enough to marry you."

"Partner" has always sounded like a business arrangement to me. When anyone introduces me to their "partner" I always want to ask if they have a contract?

Gryff

[UncleEbenezer]

I'm fine with that. More concerned with why anyone would choose a civil parternship these days? Let alone fight in the court for their right to have one.

Because it confers legal and financial protections and advantages. Without the odious baggage of the institution of marriage.

"I love you darling. But not quite enough to marry you."

I love you darling. Far too much to subject you to an archaic and oppressive institution. Or even the modern sham that cuts out all the language of ownership.

"Partner" has always sounded like a business arrangement to me. When anyone introduces me to their "partner" I always want to ask if they have a contract?

It's just a more generic term. Like "Person" could be man, woman or child. If I'm talking to a mixed audience, it's a lot easier to refer to their partners than to try and enumerate husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, mistresses, etc.

I have occasionally found the potential confusion between the usages (business partner vs romantic partner) a pain, but it's no big deal.

[vrdiver]

I have occasionally found the potential confusion between the usages (business partner vs romantic partner) a pain, but it's no big deal.

"Are you sleeping with your partner?" romantic
"Are you sleeping with a partner" business

Hope that helps
VRD

[PinkDalek]

"Are you sleeping with your partner?" romantic
"Are you sleeping with a partner" business

"Do you have a sleeping partner" - business.

[bungeejumper]

"Do you have a sleeping partner" - business.

And vice versa. The last time anyone approached me on the street with the one-word question, "business?", she appeared to be in search of a sleeping partner. It's a funny old world.

BJ

[PinkDalek]

A working person then, where sleeping is unlikely to have been involved. Did you bind her with your acceptance of the offer? - business.

[Gengulphus]

I'd suggest that the sensible solution to this depends a bit on the context. When that context doesn't refer to a particular person or type of relationship (as in this reply), "partner" is pretty good for avoiding making assumptions about the person's sex or what type of relationship they're in. It's a bit unfortunate that it's so non-specific about the relationship that it could even be purely a business relationship, but I don't know of a better word for that purpose.

When the context does refer to a particular person and type of relationship, as I expect it will if preceded by the word "my", I'd suggest that the best solution is to ask them how they want to be referred to!

Gengulphus

[stewamax]

Personal partner (Cf business partner).
Stilted but accurate.
My wife would still prefer to be called a wife though.