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Re: Partner?

Posted: November 12th, 2018, 11:20 am
by bungeejumper
Gengulphus wrote:I'd suggest that the sensible solution to this depends a bit on the context. When that context doesn't refer to a particular person or type of relationship (as in this reply), "partner" is pretty good for avoiding making assumptions about the person's sex or what type of relationship they're in.

About three weeks ago, I got a call to say that "Nick's father" Brian had sadly died after a short illness. Okay, that was a nasty shock, but what puzzled me was that the voice on the phone was male, and that he said he was Nick's partner. That's funny, I thought, I never knew Brian had a son, or that he was gay?

Later on, it took my wife's lateral thinking to realise that Nick was in fact Brian's daughter Nicola, who we'd vaguely met once, many years ago, and that he didn't in fact have a son at all. These days, of course, he could have said he was Nick's husband, which would have been just as confusing. And yes, I know I have to 'get with the program' and upgrade my assumptions about the heterosexuality of marriage, but when you're dealing with the momentary shock of a death your mind isn't necessarily focused on every potential permutation of the words.

It could have been worse, of course. They could both have been called Leslie or Ashley or Alex, or even Jack or Jordan or Taylor apparently, and I'd have had no idea whether either (or both) of them were male, or female, or maybe a bit of each. When did it all get so confusing? I need a lie down.

BJ

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 12th, 2018, 12:01 pm
by Howyoudoin
Unless they are standing alongside, I would just assume that someone who referred to 'my partner' was gay.

If you don't want to confuse people, don't be deliberately obtuse.

HYD

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 12th, 2018, 12:43 pm
by dionaeamuscipula
PinkDalek wrote:Did you bind her with your acceptance of the offer? - business.


I have no knowledge or experience, but I imagine that would be extra.

DM

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 12th, 2018, 1:53 pm
by stewamax
Evelyn Waugh's first wife was called .... Evelyn.
They were distinguished by the sobriquets of He-Evelyn and She-Evelyn.

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 12th, 2018, 2:19 pm
by PinkDalek
dionaeamuscipula wrote:
PinkDalek wrote:Did you bind her with your acceptance of the offer? - business.


I have no knowledge or experience, but I imagine that would be extra.

DM


Glad you got the joke. ;)

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 12th, 2018, 2:35 pm
by WorldCupWilly
UncleEbenezer wrote:It's just a more generic term. Like "Person" could be man, woman or child. If I'm talking to a mixed audience, it's a lot easier to refer to their partners than to try and enumerate husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, mistresses, etc.

I have occasionally found the potential confusion between the usages (business partner vs romantic partner) a pain, but it's no big deal.


Completely agree. My partner and I do call each other partners. We have both been married before (not to each other) are equals in every sense and intend to have a civil partnership in due course because we are not religious and think its a more modern and appropriate way of sealing the deal.

I'd respectfully suggest that the romantics among you who don't think your "wife" sees your marriage as a business arrangement haven't been through a divorce. :D

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 12th, 2018, 11:16 pm
by scotia
On mentioning this on going conversation about partners to my wife (of almost 50 years), she gave it a little thought and said that probably if we were starting out now, she would prefer a civil partnership, and I tend to agree. However 50 years ago we needed to placate our parents, so a religious wedding ceremony was a must - although we had it performed by a family friend, so we didn't feel we had bent our principles too far!

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 13th, 2018, 8:36 am
by bungeejumper
My partner and I gave it 26 years before I finally made an honest woman of her, ten years ago. Having both had one failed marriage behind us, I suppose we were both a bit cautious at first (partly) - but it was also that we quite enjoyed the fast-disappearing notoriety of 'living in sin'. The only time it really became an issue was when we were bidding to buy a semi-derelict disused vicarage from the Church Commissioners - We did have to tread a rather thin semantic line (ahem...) when they asked about our intentions?

So by the time we finally got hitched we'd all but paid off the mortgage and we were well able to afford the wedding, and what was more, half the village turned out to help us make it a really special day. Couldn't have turned out better really.

BTW, I've just read that the average UK wedding now costs more than £30,000. If I were a twenty-something and I had to choose between that and putting down a deposit on a first house, I don't think I'd spend too long considering my options. Especially when you consider the divorce rate among first-timers. Marriage is wasted on the young. :lol:

BJ

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 13th, 2018, 10:45 am
by stewamax
I've just read that the average UK wedding now costs more than £30,000

A C of E wedding is currently £474.
A wedding in the superintendent registrar's office of most register offices is less than £100 (you want a larger room? you pay more).

If anyone wants to spend another £29,500 or so on non-essentials, fine - keeps florists and caterers in business.

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 13th, 2018, 11:57 am
by Gengulphus
WorldCupWilly wrote:I'd respectfully suggest that the romantics among you who don't think your "wife" sees your marriage as a business arrangement haven't been through a divorce. :D

Or alternatively, that their "wife" hasn't been through a divorce!

Gengulphus

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 13th, 2018, 12:06 pm
by sunnyjoe
scotia wrote:On mentioning this on going conversation about partners to my wife (of almost 50 years), she gave it a little thought and said that probably if we were starting out now, she would prefer a civil partnership, and I tend to agree. However 50 years ago we needed to placate our parents, so a religious wedding ceremony was a must - although we had it performed by a family friend, so we didn't feel we had bent our principles too far!


I understand that the only significant difference between a civil marriage and civil partnership is that infidelity is not grounds for ending a civil partnership.

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 13th, 2018, 12:41 pm
by scotia
sunnyjoe wrote:I understand that the only significant difference between a civil marriage and civil partnership is that infidelity is not grounds for ending a civil partnership.

I think that we probably feel that a partnership is a more appropriate term - working together as equals, without the need to identify two roles as husband and wife. OK - we admit that she bore the kids, but neither of us does the ironing!

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 13th, 2018, 1:10 pm
by dionaeamuscipula
scotia wrote:OK - we admit that she bore the kids, but neither of us does the ironing!


Apparently according to the kids boring them is my job.

DMJr is filling the long hours when he is prevented from being on his devices by the family rules by ironing for money, and has got to the point of being good enough for me not to go over his work again when he's not there.

DM

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 21st, 2018, 7:55 pm
by Clitheroekid
Does anyone else dislike the use of the term "the wife" rather than "my wife"?

It sounds quite dismissive to me - a bit like "the dog" or "the cat". And interestingly I've never heard a woman use the term "the husband".

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 21st, 2018, 8:02 pm
by Lootman
Clitheroekid wrote:Does anyone else dislike the use of the term "the wife" rather than "my wife"?

If I introduced my wife to someone as "the wife" I would doubtless receive a sharp kick in the testicular area. Same outcome if I ever say "Yes, dear".

I once referred to her as "my partner" at a medical office (she carries our medical insurance as she still works) and I was asked if she and I were the same sex. That word has connotations.

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 21st, 2018, 9:08 pm
by stevensfo
Does anyone else dislike the use of the term "the wife" rather than "my wife"?


To be honest, I haven't heard that for years; it sorts of reminds me of Arfur Dailey and 'er indoors.

But I do know of men who, when talking of their wives say 'the boss'. Never 'my boss'.

Times, they are a changing. :-)


Steve

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 21st, 2018, 9:17 pm
by Lootman
stevensfo wrote:But I do know of men who, when talking of their wives say 'the boss'. Never 'my boss'. Times, they are a changing. :-)

In the course of 15 years the ultimate misogynist, (Sir) Mick Jagger, went from singing "Under my Thumb" to singing "She's the Boss".

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 21st, 2018, 9:34 pm
by Howyoudoin
You might consider this relevant to the thread, or you might not, but I found it very interesting that one of the leading Wedding magazines in Australia had to close this week, simply because of abuse they received because they didn't cover gay weddings.

It's no surprise that the owners were Christian, obviously. I was brought up as a Christian and even though i've decided not to live my life by the bible, I would fight for those who do. I'm guessing that Muslims and Buddhists would for their book too.

If you think this is about hate, have a read of the Christian owner's response here on why they felt they had to close: https://whitemag.com/blog/official-stat ... cba1185463

HYD

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 21st, 2018, 10:39 pm
by UncleEbenezer
Clitheroekid wrote:Does anyone else dislike the use of the term "the wife" rather than "my wife"?

No problem with it. Nor with numerous other terms: Better half, Other Half, SWMBO, 'er at home, Her Ladyship. Or from my own family, "a Higher Power".
It sounds quite dismissive to me - a bit like "the dog" or "the cat".

I'd use a different word: maybe "affectionate", maybe "whimsical", depending on context and manner.

And besides, why would you be dismissive of a dog or cat?

And interestingly I've never heard a woman use the term "the husband".

Women use many terms. Isn't "DH" mumsnet convention? I wouldn't take that as dismissive either - though doubtless it's sometimes used in a dismissive manner.

Re: Partner?

Posted: November 27th, 2018, 10:15 am
by vrdiver
I think my favourite term was that used by the late Sir Terry Wogan: "the present Mrs Wogan".

Of course, that he had remained happily married to the same woman all his life added a subtle irony that others might not be able to enjoy!

VRD