What comes next: My Predictions

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As the Conservative Party Leadership election nears its conclusion, here are my predictions for the next few months. Tell me I’m wrong.

July 23rd Boris Johnson elected leader of the Conservative Party by a large majority and hence our new PM
July 24th – October 1st. PM goes to meet with the EU to start fresh negotiations, but proves difficult as they are all changing jobs and, in any case, holidays are fast approaching.
Oct 2nd- Oct 24th. All new EU personnel in place and PM ramps us the pressure big time.
Oct 25th Breakthrough! EU gives concessions on the backstop. Changes Withrawal Agreement wording to read “The EU recognises that the Northern Ireland backstop is only a temporary measure to last as long BUT NO LONGER than that which is necessary in order to facilitate mutual understanding and agreement as to further negotiations with regards to forming a preliminary new trading agreement”

Oct 26th Triumphant return of PM, waving Piece of Paper as he gets off plane at Northholt
Oct 27th PM returns to Brussels. Slight bruise seen over left eye. Mark Francois photographed with grazed knuckles. "I caught them in the cheesegrater" he insists.
Oct 28th PM returns, saying, that’s it. No Deal in three days
Oct 29th Parliament, in full panic mode, holds a Vote of No Confidence and wins by one vote, but no other grouping able to form a Government.
Oct 30th GENERAL ELECTION announced for Thursday December 19th. Anne Widdicombe and Nigel Farage resign as MEP’s to become candidates in UK GE

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(picture of Potter’s Wheel)

Friday Dec 20th. Massive loss of seats from Tory and Labour party to Lib Dems, but more lost to Brexit Party. Here is new Parliamentary make-up:
Conservative 182
Labour 148
Brexit 130
Lib Dems 119
SNP 44
DUP 10
Sinn Fein 7
Greens 5
Plaid Cymru 3
Change UK 1
Speaker 1
Total 650

Amid much horse-trading, Tories finally manage to form a government utilising a supply and confidence agreement with the DUP and Brexit Parties, (working majority of 2), but at a price:

Home Secretary: Arlene Foster
Chancellor of the Exchequer: Jacob Rees-Mogg
Foreign Secretary: Nigel Farage
Speaker: Mark Francois
New UK Ambassador to the US: Anne Widdicombe, who immediately insists, and is granted, a one-to-one audience with President Trump. After the meeting, a shocked and traumatised President Trump tweets:
“I was tremendously inappropriately touched by the new UK Ambassador. I now understand what the fuss is about. #metoo”

Meanwhile, a fresh Vote of No Confidence is called in Parliament, and Ken Clarke, who amazingly held on to his seat, votes with the opposition and brings down the government.

GENERAL ELECTION

Rinse and repeat