Holiday romance

[brightncheerful]

Dear diary

We thoroughly enjoyed staying at Five Stars; thank you very much for contributing to the pleasure we had from 16 days in Dorset including 15 nights at Five Stars.

I enjoy providing feed-back to hotels we stay in but Mrs Bnc has banned me from commenting on TripAdvisor because my user name ‘Bnc of xxxx’ enables anyone that knows us to be privy - probably also didn’t help that I uploaded a photo I took whilst in Sicily of Mount Etna erupting, photo caption Taormina Flambé and the suggestion that Villa Ducale hotel staff press a button in reception to activate the volcano. So, as I do not do social media, here instead is my report of our stay:

Long ago on a few occasions, we have driven to and fro Poole when ferrying to France, but this was the first time we had visited Dorset for a holiday. Apart from Dorset roots - Mrs Bnc’s branch of her family to circa 1600, my father born Bournemouth in 1911, (albeit B was then in Hampshire, also he left B when he was two) - Mrs Bnc had never visited before and my experience was work-related in Dorchester, Bridport, Bournemouth during winter months in 1999, 2004, 2010; also something in Weymouth in the early 1980s but without visiting, which judging by a fleeting visit this time appears a wise decision all those years ago.

To prepare for the adventure, I skim-read the first 75 pages of Florence Hardy’s biography of Tom and re-read them and a further 75 whilst at Five Stars. Only about 100 more to go. Generally, Sherborne weather is the same as where we live so wondering what clothes to bring was a doddle, we brought too many. To experience Dorset mostly in glorious weather, sunny intervals, early morning fog, during the height of the tourist season was for us a challenge, not least because in the 4+ years I’ve had my car this was the first time I’d driven long-distance in it. (My previous car fitted me like a glove, this one fits me like a sock.) An average 53 mpg on the outward journey was on arrival and during defeated by average 30mph traversing Dorset hills in low gear. I can get stressed on dual-carriageway A-roads so rather than drive on what I call 'adult roads' where generally motorist preferencce seems to be at least 50 mph compared to my 40-45, I steered much of our Dorset driving along C-roads where at around 25-30mph could annoy the locals instead. The road surfaces in Dorset that we drove along added to the fun of not having to navigate potholes here in xxxshire.

As you may know, our 15 nights stay coincided with my coming of age and our wedding anniversary. Age creeps and I was primed for just over 58 plus VAT until I realised that in centigrade it is 21. Fortunately I’ve never had any desire to grow up: I’ve seen what being grown up does to friends and acquaintances, rarely a pretty sight. Of the latter we were remiss in not thanking you at the time for the plate of goodies in our room, so thank you, much appreciated.

At Five Stars breakfast, etc, Mrs Bnc was in her element chatting nineteen to the euro with staff from France. In her element too, bringing alive the villages her ancestors inhabited. As the car passenger, she marvelled in the landscape of the Dorset countryside.

Mostly we concentrated our time on the west side of Dorset. On our first visit to Sherborne, I saw similarities with both xxxx (historic buildings) and Malvern (ecclesiastical and schools). According to our guidebook of Dorset, people in Sherborne dress up to go shopping, that is not a feature of xxxx. Sherborne has another attraction: as I say on any questionnaire that invades privacy, my favourite holiday destination is Waitrose. In common with xxxx, Malvern and everywhere else with a patch of grass, Dorset is being got at. In xxxx, developers availing of loopholes are destroying the rural hinterland with planning applications for housing estates galore, so ironic we met at Five Stars a man who works for one of the infamous developers. Ironic too that part of our holiday was a hunt to move to Dorset, a possibility now that we have not far from Sherborne found a plot whose development was fiercely opposed by Dorset locals, unsuccessfully. All being well, we shall assure them that we are not escaping to the country, but from it.

I savoured black ice-cream at Athelhampton House -https://www.athelhampton.com and https://assets.savills.com/properties/GBLHCHLAC180059/LAC180059_LAC19000569.PDF where, now that the House has been sold, the contents are for sale by auction in October 2019 - but to cap it all amongst the highlights of my stay was on the penultimate day at Five Stars. I was standing (as one does) in the car park, watching a man in a BMW park when his wife (I assume, one cannot be sure nowadays) got out of the car and opening a bottle of water tipped the contents onto the windscreen in the hope of dislodging dirt. Seizing the opportunity to come alive by doing something physical, I offered to clean their car windows for them. As I set to work with Autoglym glass cleaner the rear screen then side windows, the wet windscreen to last, both persons ignored me whilst talking between themselves. I interrupted their conversation to say that I didn’t work for the hotel, but was a guest. They immediately introduced themselves and asked my name. I told them but I cannot tell you their names as I wasn’t listening, but thinking how come they hadn’t asked my name at the onset. Perhaps they think hotel staff are invisible? Husband asked (jokingly, I guess) if I’d like to clean the whole of the car. It was somewhat dirty, I made a mental note to clean the cobwebs off the wing-mirrors. I suggested as his car was about a third longer than mine and wider too that as it usually takes me about 5 hours to clean my car, I estimated a day to do his and would £1500 be acceptable. No comment; perhaps he thought I was joking. Later on, I chatted with them whilst they were sitting in the garden, but I still cannot remember their names so I cannot ask you to invoice them for my services rendered.

I could go on, there is heaps more but by now, if not before, I suspect you can understand why Mrs Bnc has banned me from TripAdvisor. So all that remains is for me to recount an incident in Five Stars on the afternoon of the day I came of age. I was sitting reading on the sofa in the drawing room by a glazed door marked ‘emergency exit’, Outside, the rain was falling steadily, it was windy too. Suddenly the door swung open. I got up and closed it, at least I thought I did. Moments later, the door swung open again. I got up again and as I closed the door, I spoke quietly out loud, "it’s ok I’ve got the message.” After that the door behaved itself.

Getting to know your guests? Arguably my tendency to hang around reception talking to/with anyone one of you and your colleagues that risked listening could be construed as wasting your time. I know that if that were to happen to me whilst I’m working I’d be blown off course for the rest of the day. Not at Five Stars, at least not within my earshot .As the days passed and the novelty of my random presence wore off, surely, I couldn’t help thinking that, when I checked out, my apology for unguestly behaviour would be welcomed. But I was assured my presence was entertaining.

Warm regards and thank you again.

Bnc
pp Bnc and Mrs Bnc

[UncleIan]

Nurse! Nurse! He's at it again!

Never change BnC, never change. Extraordinary.

[nimnarb]

BNC, perhaps many are thinking it but not saying it, but here goes..WTF are you talking about? Thought your Cruise reports were classic insanity but this takes the cake. Probably very thick here but what is "Five Stars" which you mention so many times? A hotel you don't want others to know? If so, why not? If you don't want people to know your username on TripAdvisor change it, or open another account!

Certainly a different way of writing, I just don't understand some, if not most of it or indeed what you are trying to say. XXXX? Perhaps it's me, needing to get out more or read more?

[Watis]

TL;DR - my wife and I had a pleasant holiday in Dorset this summer.

[swill453]

XXXX? Perhaps it's me, needing to get out more or read more?

Seems he's become coy about naming his home town. Didn't used to be so, but I guess it would be impolite to reveal now.

Scott.

[Gaggsy]

BNC, perhaps many are thinking it but not saying it, but here goes..WTF are you talking about? Thought your Cruise reports were classic insanity but this takes the cake. Probably very thick here but what is "Five Stars" which you mention so many times? A hotel you don't want others to know? If so, why not? If you don't want people to know your username on TripAdvisor change it, or open another account!

Certainly a different way of writing, I just don't understand some, if not most of it or indeed what you are trying to say. XXXX? Perhaps it's me, needing to get out more or read more?

Five Stars is an alias for the hotel they stayed in, xxxx is their home town. Obvs innit.
If I can offer some advice: the best way to get through BnC's posts are to read them really quickly; or failing that, with your eyes closed.


Only joking BnC. I found your report quite entertaining!

[Rhyd6]

We're staying in a cottage in Dorset at the moment. We're having a very peaceful holiday and hopefully OH will not feel the need to venture into the car cleaning business. Honestly Bnc your wife must have nerves of steel. It sounds as though she is now 100% which is very good news. I hope we have a very boring holiday with plenty of walks and no high dramas. In some respects it's very like home,,,,,, plenty of grass growing in the middle of the lanes
Unique is the word I always think of when I read your posts, definitely unique.

R6






















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[didds]

Lucky lot.

No holiday here.

[brightncheerful]

generally motorist preference seems to be at least 50 mph compared to my 40-45,

Or not as the case may be: https://www.dorsetecho.co.uk/news/17877741.dorset-39-s-fastest-driver-caught-porsche-155mph/

--

Honestly Bnc your wife must have nerves of steel. It sounds as though she is now 100% which is very good news

Mrs Bnc has recovered from the op, thank you but is not 100% yet. Circa 85-90%. Having become extremely hypersensitive to acidic foods, she manages to keep her intake under control but only when she is in control. In July, despite his assurance that the work her routine dentist was performing on her teeth would not cause any problems, she experienced a severe allergic reaction to the resin which left her in severe pain and discomfort for weeks, despite the dentist subsequently removing the resin. Her specialist dentist (yes, she has two dentists) has told her that that there is a choice of resins and the routine dentist could have used the least acidic. And if that were not enough, earlier this week when clearing out some old medicines she opened a bottle of something only for a waft of acidic fumes to hit her in the face and is now suffering pains in her head. At least she had an enjoyable holiday.

We're staying in a cottage in Dorset at the moment.

.

Whereabouts (roughly) if i may be sold bold? Talking of which whilst at Five Stars I encountered a possibly novel method of appraising a stranger's financial status. Mentioning to a couple at the hotel that we are planning to move to Dorset. the wife enquired whether we would buying a Listed property. I said no, adding that I had lived in two Conservation Areas in London and would not want the hassle of a Listed building where all and sundry has the right to know and comment on what the owner is doing- eg, a planning application in our town concerning a Grade II* building is for permission to erect two handrails on the steps to the front door of the property. As if to put me at my ease and her husband rambled on about the problems experienced by a friend of theirs with a Listed property. As the conversation waned and i wandered off, I cannot but listen when people tell me they used to have a farm, I looked at their car, personalised number plates, and concluded that they had nothing to be snobbish about when it was obvious from the paintwork that the car was second-hand.

[Howyoudoin]

We're staying in a cottage in Dorset at the moment.

Whereabouts (roughly) if i may be sold bold?

I'm guessing Four Stars.

HYD

[Rhyd6]

Hi Bnc, we're in a small village called Drimpton, Bridport is about 10 miles south. The cottage is very comfy and, of course, is dog friendly. There is a very pleasant local pub which does decent pub grub, nothing fancy but well cooked and served on proper plates - no lumps of slate or chuncks of wood in sight. The pub is also dog friendly. There is a skittle alley but we haven't ventured that far, it's something of an unknown quantity to us as skittle alleys don't feature in Welsh pubs. We're here for a month so we might chance our arm.
Hope Mrs Bnc makes a good recovery.

R6

[EssDeeAitch]

BNC, perhaps many are thinking it but not saying it, but here goes..WTF are you talking about? Thought your Cruise reports were classic insanity but this takes the cake. Probably very thick here but what is "Five Stars" which you mention so many times? A hotel you don't want others to know? If so, why not? If you don't want people to know your username on TripAdvisor change it, or open another account!

Certainly a different way of writing, I just don't understand some, if not most of it or indeed what you are trying to say. XXXX? Perhaps it's me, needing to get out more or read more?

Five Stars is an alias for the hotel they stayed in, xxxx is their home town. Obvs innit.
If I can offer some advice: the best way to get through BnC's posts are to read them really quickly; or failing that, with your eyes closed.


Only joking BnC. I found your report quite entertaining!

Your advice (in bold) found its way to my daughter who has just qualified as a CA and may need it the course of her duties. I think BnC has been overdosing on SJ Perelman (maybe he IS SJ Perelman!). Great post.

[brightncheerful]

Hi Bnc, we're in a small village called Drimpton, Bridport is about 10 miles south.

http://www.drimpton.org.uk/village.php

Beaminster has a good vegetarian/vegan cafe, just off the main square. we discovered that the person that owns it used to own the Evershot bakery whose bread, etc nowadays is a feature of many a cafe and restaurant in Dorset.

[bungeejumper]

There is a skittle alley but we haven't ventured that far, it's something of an unknown quantity to us as skittle alleys don't feature in Welsh pubs. We're here for a month so we might chance our arm.

I'm not sure I like the sound of that. Twenty years of Somerset skittling have taught me that, if you're chancing your arm, you're doing it all wrong. The idea is to let go of the ball thing.

HTH

BJ

[Clitheroekid]

I was wondering why bnc's enjoyably eccentric travelogue reminded me of the brilliant Mike Leigh Play for Today called `Nuts in May' - then I remembered that it was also set in Dorset.

And I must admit there are certain similarities between my image of bnc and Keith in the film - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tn4AbSicZ7U

Unusually, the whole film's available on iPlayer for 4 months. Starring the superb Alison Steadman it's highly recommended - https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b ... uts-in-may