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The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

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simsqu
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The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264016

Postby simsqu » November 13th, 2019, 4:44 pm

I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment.

Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.

genou
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264020

Postby genou » November 13th, 2019, 5:17 pm

simsqu wrote:I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment.

Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.


You have not expressed the full horror of the situation. They blow the leaves off the paths because they are a slip hazard and the council does not want to be sued. But they blow them on the grass. Which means the "Friends of" the park have to come and lift the leaves before they kill the grass. Feckers.

AleisterCrowley
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264066

Postby AleisterCrowley » November 13th, 2019, 10:19 pm

Hand dryers in train toilets. Like a hamster's fart.

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264072

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » November 13th, 2019, 10:38 pm

simsqu wrote:I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment (including any other stuff you feel you want to add - tee hee)

Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.

  1. Talcum powder
  2. Button flies
  3. Cotton buds
  4. Straws
  5. Traffic lights
  6. Smart motorways
  7. Snow ploughs
  8. Wrinkle cream
  9. Anaglypta
  10. Ties
  11. Tank tops
AiY

servodude
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264090

Postby servodude » November 14th, 2019, 12:49 am

agree with all that except for:
AsleepInYorkshire wrote:2. Button flies


“That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth.” - Jerry Seinfeld
YMMV

- sd

richlist
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264119

Postby richlist » November 14th, 2019, 8:05 am

None of those items are useless if you are the person selling them for profit.......and doing very nicely as a result.

wheypat
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264126

Postby wheypat » November 14th, 2019, 8:29 am

I spent several happy hours building one of these

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z86V_ICUCD4

Yeah, a machine that exists to turn itself off . . . . .

Bminusrob
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264131

Postby Bminusrob » November 14th, 2019, 8:45 am

When it comes to leaf blowers, they are very good useful pieces of equipment, in the right hands. I therefore suggest that in your case, the "most useless piece of equipment" is the council oick on the other end of the leaf blower.

I am more in agreement with the suggestion of hot air hand driers being useless. In my experience, they are designed to make a lot of noise for no good reason other than blowing drops of water from your hands onto your trousers, therefore making in look as if you have an incontinence problem.

bungeejumper
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264133

Postby bungeejumper » November 14th, 2019, 8:49 am

Cuff links. Tie pins. Lucky Cornish piskies. Ten-year guarantees on light bulbs ("remember to keep your proof of purchase"). :lol: Turn indicators on BMWs.

The list goes on and on, and on, and on....

BJ

redsturgeon
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264139

Postby redsturgeon » November 14th, 2019, 9:00 am

Lists of "the ten most"...

sg31
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264147

Postby sg31 » November 14th, 2019, 9:26 am

Snorvey wrote:Our council has given up on clearing leaves, preferring instead to ensure their pensions are fully funded and anyone in management who wishes to retire at age 45 can do so safe in the knowledge the council will look after them financially.

...saying that, they have invested in expensive looking giant remote control lawnmowers......but it would seem the operative has to walk 2 feet behind the machine with the remote control in hand - so completely pointless. No that they're cutting the grass much either (other than the areas around council HQ which are extremely well maintained). When they do cut it, they only do the edges of the area, leaving the middle untouched. It's a good job the grass grows more slowly up here.

I'd blame the Scottish Government. But they only blame 'the Westminster Tory government we didn't vote for'

Anyone fancy setting up a Lemonfool republic? I'm sure if we club together we can buy an island somewhere.


It is nothing to do with saving money, it's to help the environment and provide a natural habitat for whatever might need it. Well that is the justification in this area.

AndyPandy
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264157

Postby AndyPandy » November 14th, 2019, 9:47 am

The "Residents' parking only" sign on our street
The plastic bags that line cereal packets nowadays - bring back the wax ones.
Modern toilet cisterns
The tape recorder(!) that plays "Your call is important to us" on a loop. If it was that important....

Howyoudoin
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264160

Postby Howyoudoin » November 14th, 2019, 10:11 am

simsqu wrote:I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment.

Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.


Redsturgeon - do you think you could take yours round to simsqu's house this weekend and wake him up at 6am?

viewtopic.php?p=9377#p9377

:)

HYD

gvonge
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264166

Postby gvonge » November 14th, 2019, 10:22 am

bungeejumper wrote:Turn indicators on BMWs.

BJ


Since when have BMWs had turn indicators?

AleisterCrowley
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264169

Postby AleisterCrowley » November 14th, 2019, 10:45 am

bungeejumper wrote:Cuff links.

BJ


Essential if you have double cuffs - but double cuffs...WHY?

Howyoudoin
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264171

Postby Howyoudoin » November 14th, 2019, 10:50 am

AleisterCrowley wrote:
bungeejumper wrote:Cuff links.

BJ


Essential if you have double cuffs - but double cuffs...WHY?


Because they're SO much smarter than single cuffs. Separates you from the riff raff.

Can you imagine James Bond wearing a single cuff shirt. Never.

HYD

AleisterCrowley
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264177

Postby AleisterCrowley » November 14th, 2019, 11:00 am

"Smarter"
Pfffttttt....

Howyoudoin
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264181

Postby Howyoudoin » November 14th, 2019, 11:11 am

AleisterCrowley wrote:"Smarter"
Pfffttttt....


Ha ha. You bought a suit jacket recently so I guess you want to look presentable sometimes? Otherwise, why bother?

HYD

scotia
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264183

Postby scotia » November 14th, 2019, 11:17 am

sg31 wrote:
Snorvey wrote:Our council has given up on clearing leaves, preferring instead to ensure their pensions are fully funded and anyone in management who wishes to retire at age 45 can do so safe in the knowledge the council will look after them financially.

...saying that, they have invested in expensive looking giant remote control lawnmowers......but it would seem the operative has to walk 2 feet behind the machine with the remote control in hand - so completely pointless. No that they're cutting the grass much either (other than the areas around council HQ which are extremely well maintained). When they do cut it, they only do the edges of the area, leaving the middle untouched. It's a good job the grass grows more slowly up here.

I'd blame the Scottish Government. But they only blame 'the Westminster Tory government we didn't vote for'

Anyone fancy setting up a Lemonfool republic? I'm sure if we club together we can buy an island somewhere.


It is nothing to do with saving money, it's to help the environment and provide a natural habitat for whatever might need it. Well that is the justification in this area.

They ploughed up our roadside grass and part of our park grass, and scattered wildflower seeds to make "pollination corridors". It looks OK the first year, but thereafter it degenerates into a weed patch with the strongest and ugliest winning.

TheMotorcycleBoy
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment

#264191

Postby TheMotorcycleBoy » November 14th, 2019, 11:29 am

Humane mouse traps

Obviously the little sods are going to find their way back to your property. Or are you really going to drive them 100 miles down the road and release them into woodlands remote from any human habitation!! Really?

Matt


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