Inappropriate humour?

[servodude]

You know those times where there's a joke that just can't be passed up?
- where the stars align in a linguistic syzygy so perfect that it would remiss to pass up?
- where it's just too hard to resist? where to try to do so would cause something to rupture?

I can count mine on one hand.

There was the time when my daughter had dropped Gerald out of the sky cot on a flight from Kuala Lumpar to Melbourne.
He'd obviously danced a bit and bounced; he was in the aisle:
"You can't leave that lying there!" I was told by the air hostess, after a polite tap on the shoulder.
"That's not a lion; that's a giraffe!" Cue hard stare from the hostess (bloody KLM) and a sharp elbow from "her in the next seat".

Then there was a Christmas about 18 years ago where all of us had traipsed back to the family home.
Dad came in to the kitchen and asked "Who let the dogs out?"
He was greeted by his four sons immediately replying "Hooo, hoo hoo hoo"
Confused he replied with a confused "What? No, WHO? let the dogs out?" and obviously the same reply was given
- poor guy didn't understand why we were rolling about, and sodded off to find the collies

It was the owner of the aforementioned elbow that bore the brunt of the latest.

I got the call at work:
- "Mum's critical!"
- "I know, but I've gotten used to it"
It was automatic, a Pavlovian response, and out before I'd digested what it meant; thankfully we both appreciate you've got to laugh at times like this.

That was Thursday.

Since then (it's now Saturday afternoon here) there's been frantic organising, a one way flight to Tasmania, and Kafkaesque paperwork for quarantine exemptions.

She got to see her mum briefly.

I'll have a Lagavullan please

- sd

[redsturgeon]

Yesterday Mrs RS texted to ask if we needed anything while she was in M&S.

I texted back "No thanks"

She replied "Bananas?"

I checked and responded "Yes, we have no bananas".

The joke was lost.

John

[UncleEbenezer]

You remind me of a christmas when my oldest nephew was about ten, his parents unexpectedly needed to be somewhere, and I got put in charge of taking nephew to see Alice in Wonderland. Before the show, the cast in costume were circulating in the auditorium and talking to children. The White Rabbit comes our way and says something that invites an open reply. Nephew doesn't take the cue, so I do: Do you happen to have any good Wecipes for White Wabbit?


Also very much in our family traditions ...
I'm just going to Tesco. Can I get you anything?
Lost.

[bungeejumper]

A long, long time ago, my sister in law was taking her eldest to his first day at school. He wasn't keen on the idea.

"Look, you've got to go," she said. "It's the law."

"How long have I got to stay at school," he asked?

"Until you're eighteen," she replied.

A long pause. Then, a little plaintively:

"You will remember to come and collect me when I'm eighteen?"

BJ

[baldchap]

Having watched a moving documentary about dementia which is probably the disease I fear most, I told the wife that if it happened to me she had to 'see me off'.
"I couldn't do that" she said.
"OK, I will do it myself, but you may have to remind me."

[zico]

Librarian colleague of my wife saw an elderly customer come into the library and knew the book she'd ordered had just arrived, so tapped her on the shoulder and said "The Angel of Death is waiting for you".

[kempiejon]

I've held the response "I don't know I've never been to one" ready for years waiting for someone to give me the feed line "Do you like Dickens?"

[brightncheerful]

Mrs Bnc hasn't driven her car for months so every couple of weeks she asks me to start the car engine and leave it ticking over for 20 minutes to charge the battery.

The first time she asked me to do that, she said she didn't want the battery to get flat.

To which I said "what shape should be it be?"