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Would you compliment a stranger?

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Clitheroekid
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Would you compliment a stranger?

#328160

Postby Clitheroekid » July 23rd, 2020, 12:34 pm

According to this article you should, as it will bring joy and happiness to both you and the complimentee - https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... GTUK_email

However, the article is written by a woman, and it seems to me that there's a massive difference between a woman providing the compliment and a man doing so. I'd imagine that most men would be pleased to receive a compliment from a woman, but that the reverse would certainly not be true.

It's not something that I, as a middle-aged (OK, late middle-aged!) man would ever consider doing to someone I didn't know. I just can't imagine any scenario where I would compliment an unknown man on his appearance, and although I can envisage a situation where I might be inclined to compliment an unknown woman if she looked particularly attractive I'd be far too scared of being seen as trying to pick her up and/or accused of sexual harassment.

Do other male Fools share my reticence, and if not what reaction do they receive? And (although there seem to be sadly few) would female Fools appreciate such a compliment or view it as pervy and / or harassment?

Dod101
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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328167

Postby Dod101 » July 23rd, 2020, 1:01 pm

That is a very interesting subject. My late wife used to speak to everyone, not just compliment them although she would do that too. Sometimes to me she would say just the opposite, as in 'Does she not have a mirror?'

I think to some extent it depends on your personality. My wife had a very strong and attractive personality (most of the time!) Not all of us can carry it off; I could not and would not even attempt it. She came from Paisley which has a strong outgoing personality of its own. If we went almost anywhere she would soon know everyone in the room.

But to answer the question, no I would not compliment someone I did not know, but then I come from the buttoned up other side of our country. With me I walk a lot and I always say at least 'good morning' to anyone I meet. It is surprising how many people ignore that or look at me as if I have arrived from another planet, although it is also pleasing the number people who smile broadly and return the greeting.

Dod

sg31
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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328188

Postby sg31 » July 23rd, 2020, 1:46 pm

I wouldn't even if tempted. Too easy to be considered patronising or to be accused of sexual harassment.

UncleEbenezer
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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328196

Postby UncleEbenezer » July 23rd, 2020, 1:54 pm

Hi gorgeous. Nice boobs!

Nah, sounds more like a painfully bad comedy sketch than real life.

Nice hair!
I like the [dress|shoes|bangle|...]
...


Now what could those be proxies for?


I think you're right about it being a woman, but it goes deeper than that. Women make smalltalk by complimenting each other, men by insulting each other. Neither sex really means it, but it leads to all kinds of confusion if we try to treat each other as equals: the man takes the compliment as an expression of interest, while the woman takes the insult as misogyny.

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328199

Postby stewamax » July 23rd, 2020, 1:59 pm

The replies so far appear to assume that compliments relate to appearance.
A few days ago I complimented a man - someone I have never seen before and is new to our village - on the fine piece of Victorian-style multicoloured ceramic tiling he had just finished on the path by his front door. My compliment was genuine and he was as pleased as Punch.
I would have done the same had he been female - and I very much doubt that it would have been regarded as a prelude to a pickup attempt!

Loup321
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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328201

Postby Loup321 » July 23rd, 2020, 2:02 pm

Female poster here. I didn't read the article, but there are many sorts of compliments, not always about looks. I would agree that compliments on looks probably would only work same-sex. I have once or twice complimented another woman on her top (and asked where she got it!), so I'm not sure why a man wouldn't say something similar to a stranger - "That's a really nice shirt, where did you get it?" or "Love the T-shirt!!!!" at a beer festival.

However, there are other sorts of compliments. Only last week, a man 10-20 years older than me paid me a compliment, and it was definitely not a pick-up line. He told my daughter that I was doing a very good job of teaching her how to cross the road. On many occasions, I have complimented other parents on how well behaved their children are on very long train journeys. You can usually tell when a parent is trying to be considerate and when they couldn't care less about the other travellers, so if you appreciate how hard they have tried (even if the kids have been little monsters), tell them! I remember (just before lockdown) telling a mum in the changing rooms at the pool that I thought it was brilliant that she was having a chat with her tiny one (just under a year old?) about all the bits of getting dried and dressed and how cold it was, because I think that talking to babies gives them better language skills. Telling someone they're doing a good job is worth a lot, and it always makes me feel good if someone compliments me on something like that.

Although I haven't read the article, and it might only be about looks, I think that the message that a compliment gives a warm feeling to both the giver and the receiver is a valid one.

PinkDalek
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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328212

Postby PinkDalek » July 23rd, 2020, 2:28 pm

Loup321 wrote:... I think that the message that a compliment gives a warm feeling to both the giver and the receiver is a valid one.


I think that is a very well considered post of yours. :)

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328215

Postby stevensfo » July 23rd, 2020, 2:42 pm

I've complimented and asked a few women about the perfume they were wearing, but was careful to explain that I was thinking about my wife's birthday and was wanting to get something different. Every time, they seemed very pleased I'd asked.

Also asked a guy visiting our offices the same question. I have a weakness for interesting eau de toilettes and this one was amazing. Luckily we knew each other well, so he didn't get the wrong idea. ;)

Steve

PS It was Terre d'Hermes.

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328219

Postby Rhyd6 » July 23rd, 2020, 3:16 pm

I think a lot has to do with the age of the person being complimented. At my age I accept compliments with good grace from anyone who cares to give them.

R6

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328235

Postby tea42 » July 23rd, 2020, 4:17 pm

PinkDalek wrote:
Loup321 wrote:... I think that the message that a compliment gives a warm feeling to both the giver and the receiver is a valid one.


I think that is a very well considered post of yours. :)


PD, I think you have the touch..... :lol:

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328236

Postby simsqu » July 23rd, 2020, 4:37 pm

Taking my constitutional through local park a few days ago and I passed a woman - probably 20's / 30's (I'm in my 60's) - strenuously doing an exercise regime on the grass. She looked fit and healthy and without thinking, I said to her, "gosh you're working very hard: you look very fit."

She smiled broadly and took it as a compliment. We chatted pleasantly about her exercise regime for a minute or so. I congratulated her again on her determination and walked on.

End of incident. It was only afterwards that I realised she could have taken the comment "looking very fit" as an unwelcome sexist remark, rather than a mere observation. I think the bashed panama hat, slight stoop, and dodgy hip stagger probably helped.

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328242

Postby Leothebear » July 23rd, 2020, 4:56 pm

End of incident. It was only afterwards that I realised she could have taken the comment "looking very fit" as an unwelcome sexist remark, rather than a mere observation. I think the bashed panama hat, slight stoop, and dodgy hip stagger probably helped.


And the fact that you weren't masturbating at the time.

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328249

Postby stevensfo » July 23rd, 2020, 5:39 pm

simsqu wrote:Taking my constitutional through local park a few days ago and I passed a woman - probably 20's / 30's (I'm in my 60's) - strenuously doing an exercise regime on the grass. She looked fit and healthy and without thinking, I said to her, "gosh you're working very hard: you look very fit."

She smiled broadly and took it as a compliment. We chatted pleasantly about her exercise regime for a minute or so. I congratulated her again on her determination and walked on.

End of incident. It was only afterwards that I realised she could have taken the comment "looking very fit" as an unwelcome sexist remark, rather than a mere observation. I think the bashed panama hat, slight stoop, and dodgy hip stagger probably helped.


That explains it. I haven't seen many women in their 20's / 30's with a bashed panama hat, slight stoop, and dodgy hip stagger.

Steve ;)

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328252

Postby Arborbridge » July 23rd, 2020, 5:45 pm

Clitheroekid wrote:Do other male Fools share my reticence, and if not what reaction do they receive? And (although there seem to be sadly few) would female Fools appreciate such a compliment or view it as pervy and / or harassment?


I don't share your reticence at all. I guess I've inherited my Mum's genes. She used to grin and talk to any stranger for no apparent reason embarassing my brother and I. We used to say she was behaving like the village idiot. Now I'm the village idiot.

Well ,I don't go to extremes, but as some of you may know I am a ballet and music lover. If someone has dressed up or wears a particularly stunning outfit I will say so - usually, BTW it would be a woman because men are so boring and do not often wearing anything unpredictable. I even complimented women on their hair when it's obvious they've had it dyed an unusual colour.

As for reactions, it is invariably taken in the right way and people are pleased to be complimented. It helps being old enough to be someone's grandfather. I reason they dress up to be noticed, and they love it when someone does notice.

It has happened to me too. I'll get compliments about my gold or sparkling shoes. On one occasion a young women noticed I had exactly the same brand of sparkly silver trainers on which caused some hilarity - I'd been caught out, because they came from the ladies shoe department. Well, men's shoes can be so boring, so I poke around the ladies trainers for something more interesting.

So, there you have it, straight from the village idiot. Try a compliment, it usually works. And one approach which invariably works as a good starter about something is the Michael Portillo gambit: "D'you mind my asking.....?"

Arb.

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328255

Postby Arborbridge » July 23rd, 2020, 5:49 pm

stevensfo wrote:I've complimented and asked a few women about the perfume they were wearing, but was careful to explain that I was thinking about my wife's birthday and was wanting to get something different. Every time, they seemed very pleased I'd asked.

Also asked a guy visiting our offices the same question. I have a weakness for interesting eau de toilettes and this one was amazing. Luckily we knew each other well, so he didn't get the wrong idea. ;)

Steve

PS It was Terre d'Hermes.


Well, that's a closed book to me. I'd be unlikely to compliment any woman wearing perfume because perfumes usual set of an allergic reaction in me! I've had many a difficult time in the theatre because someone nearby was wearing some ghastly perfume, and why do they wear so much?

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328263

Postby UncleEbenezer » July 23rd, 2020, 6:23 pm

Loup321 wrote:Female poster here.


Nice well-considered reply, thanks.

Your feminine optimism vs my cynicism is almost an example of my point about the difference between the sexes. And if someone complimented my shirt, my natural reaction would be somewhere between cynicism ("what's (s)he after?") and embarrassment ("now I don't know what to say"). If it were a lady I found attractive, the tongue-tied embarrassment would likely reduce me to a gibbering wreck.

Arborbridge wrote:
Clitheroekid wrote:Do other male Fools share my reticence, and if not what reaction do they receive? And (although there seem to be sadly few) would female Fools appreciate such a compliment or view it as pervy and / or harassment?


I don't share your reticence at all. I guess I've inherited my Mum's genes. She used to grin and talk to any stranger for no apparent reason embarassing my brother and I. We used to say she was behaving like the village idiot. Now I'm the village idiot.


I'll regularly and happily talk to strangers (even on public transport - if they ever allow that again). But personal remarks (beyond the level of where are you heading for? or business or pleasure?) are off the menu.

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328265

Postby Itsallaguess » July 23rd, 2020, 6:29 pm

UncleEbenezer wrote:
I'll regularly and happily talk to strangers (even on public transport - if they ever allow that again).

But personal remarks (beyond the level of where are you heading for? or business or pleasure?) are off the menu.


It's maybe not as big a leap as you might imagine though...

Next time, maybe just try 'Where are you heading for with a shirt like that on?'

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328267

Postby terminal7 » July 23rd, 2020, 6:50 pm

Oooh you are awful, but I like you seemed to work in the early 1970s - does not work any longer on Primrose Hill.

T7 (actually Mandy)

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328268

Postby ReformedCharacter » July 23rd, 2020, 6:51 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:
Next time, maybe just try 'Where are you heading for with a shirt like that on?'

Cheers,

Itsallaguess


Or a compliment Columbo style:

'That's a real nice pair of shoes you've got there sir, do you know where I can get a pair for 15 bucks?'

RC

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Re: Would you compliment a stranger?

#328271

Postby bluedonkey » July 23rd, 2020, 6:55 pm

I suppose I should start doing it as age brings the danger of letting the Father Jack side of my personality dominate.


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