Apt alliteration's artful aid

[Clitheroekid]

I find that one of the benefits of my evening constitutional is that my mind is allowed to wander, free of the worries of the day. This evening it came up with the following puzzle.

Create an alliterative sentence to describe the following scenario:

A severely handicapped feline animal named after Superman's birthplace, and noted for its willingness to accept a bribe and its very short hair, surreptitiously entered a vault under the main floor of a church and evacuated its bowels.

The puzzle is effectively a reverse engineering of a sentence that I created for my own amusement. I'll post it tomorrow evening (if I remember!) but all contributions are welcome.

For the avoidance of doubt the rules aren't strict. Although the sentence should be generally alliterative it's OK to use short link words like `a' or `to', though obviously the fewer the better.

[servodude]

Kryptonite, the corrupt, crippled and clipped cat crept into the crypt and crapped

?
-sd

[redsturgeon]

Crippled, corrupt, crew cut Krypton crept into the crypt and crapped

[swill453]

crew cut

cropped?

Scott.

[redsturgeon]

crew cut

cropped?

Scott.

better

[kempiejon]

I think it was Phill - Porky the Poet - Jupitus as support act at a gig 30 years ago so excuse my shaky memory.

Poor old Percy can't perform properly because of a pustulating purple pimple on the end of his penile projection - that's alliteration - Duran Duran is just saying the same word twice.

[redsturgeon]

Can anyone come up with a six word newspaper headline on the following story.

A brewer tries out a new recipe for a lighter coloured beer but realises his mistake when in an unmarked test it is pronounced tasteless.

John

[stewamax]

A slight aside: for the very few TLFers who aren't intimately acquainted with alliterative poetry, these starting verses from the two finest texts may be of interest. The alliteration in Beowulf is not always apparent (that's OE for you) but is obvious in Piers Plowman. Note that each line typically splits into two parts, with an alliteration scheme of "x x break x" as in Piers Plowman's:
I shoop me into shroudes [break] as I a sheep were

Those (a tiny minority in TLF of course) who don't read OE may prefer Dylan Thomas (vide And death shall have no dominion) or Edgar Allan Poe (vide The Raven).



BEOWULF - Old English
Hwæt. We Gardena in geardagum,
þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon,
hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.
Oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,
monegum mægþum, meodosetla ofteah,
egsode eorlas. Syððan ærest wearð
feasceaft funden, he þæs frofre gebad,
weox under wolcnum, weorðmyndum þah,
oðþæt him æghwylc þara ymbsittendra
ofer hronrade hyran scolde,
gomban gyldan. þæt wæs god cyning.

PIERS PLOWMAN [prologue] - Middle English
In a somer seson, whan softe was the sonne,
I shoop me into shroudes as I a sheep were,
In habite as an heremite unholy of werkes,
Wente wide in this world wondres to here.
Ac on a May morwenynge on Malverne hilles
Me bifel a ferly, of Fairye me thoghte
I was wery forwandred and wente me to reste
Under a brood bank by a bourne syde;
And as I lay and lenede and loked on the watres,
I slombred into a slepyng, it sweyed so murye.
Thanne gan I meten a merveillous swevene--

[redsturgeon]

Virgil is well known for his love of alliteration and clearly this was shared by fellow Romans...veni, vidi, vici.

John

[vrdiver]

Virgil is well known for his love of alliteration and clearly this was shared by fellow Romans...veni, vidi, vici.

John

Or, as us young 'uns used to say, "vici, veni, ViDi"

VRD (where the R suddenly seems important!)

[Gersemi]

Crippled crooked crew cut Kryptonite cat crept into the crypt and crapped.

[vrdiver]

If we allow the poor moggy have a pre-crypt crap...

Kryptonite, crippled crooked crewcut cat, crept cryptwards, cataclysmically crapping.

VRD

[redsturgeon]

Come on guys, superman was born on planet Krypton, Kryptonite is a green, crystalline material that comes from the same planet.

John

[servodude]

Come on guys, superman was born on planet Krypton, Kryptonite is a green, crystalline material that comes from the same planet.

John

.. and "named after it"

[AleisterCrowley]

Can anyone come up with a six word newspaper headline on the following story.

A brewer tries out a new recipe for a lighter coloured beer but realises his mistake when in an unmarked test it is pronounced tasteless.

John

brewer's better bright beer 'bland'
Stale pale ale fail?

[redsturgeon]

Can anyone come up with a six word newspaper headline on the following story.

A brewer tries out a new recipe for a lighter coloured beer but realises his mistake when in an unmarked test it is pronounced tasteless.

John

brewer's better bright beer 'bland'
Stale pale ale fail?

Nice try

John

[AleisterCrowley]

But wrong ?!

Is there a right answer?
Alliteration or a simple rhyme?

(and yeah I missed the 6 word criterion)

[Hallucigenia]

"Blonde blend blind bland" must be four of them.

[redsturgeon]

"Blonde blend blind bland" must be four of them.

[redsturgeon]

"Blonde blend blind bland" must be four of them.

You could do it in five all alliterative. "mistake?"