Deep Cleaning - A Health & Safety Warning

[AsleepInYorkshire]

This morning in a moment of mental incapacity I decided it was that time again. I pulled the 20te settee away from the wall to clean behind it. No matter how many times I have done this over the decades nothing has ever prepared me for the initial view of what lays behind and the repulsion such a sight drives deep into my feelings.

The settee sits neatly under the lounge window. This is a special place for the AiY family hounds to congregate and watch dreamily as the world walks by. But they don’t remain calm. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being peaceful and calm they mount defensive campaigns throughout the day. The post person receives the greatest attention with a score of 12, unless they have an orange coat on. In which case it’s straight to a 15. The bin collection people also get a great reception with a steady 10. Falling down the chart dog walkers come in at a secure 8, unless the dog is particularly large, in which case the calamity increases to 12. Delivery drivers fair quite well, until they ring the doorbell.

The window cill is covered in scratches and scuffs from the dogs claws. There’s a snot line running across the glass where dog’s noses make contact, and the top of the settee looks more like a battlefield than the top of two cushions.

Having filled the Dyson with dog hairs, dust and dead spiders and washed down the skirting board and radiator it’s time to put the settee back for another three months. But that will turn into 12 as I’ve found avoidance of such tasks far more enjoyable than the task itself.

AiY(D)

[88V8]

The settee sits neatly under the lounge window. This is a special place for the AiY family hounds to congregate and watch dreamily as the world walks by. But they don’t remain calm.

My wife sometimes points out the cobwebs and dust disclosed when the sun shines in, to which I respond that if you wait a while the sun will move and the dust will vanish again.

Perhaps in the near future you will be able to download AI-generated virtual dogs that you can project on the window.
The real world... so messy

V8

[bungeejumper]

“There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.” (Quentin Crisp)

BJ

[bungeejumper]

Which reminds me, for no particular reason, of Willie Rushton's epic guide to life, sex, seduction, cooking, housekeeping, the universe and everything else for the lone rogue male of the seventies. (And eighties, and nineties, and any time after that providing that you don't insist on political correctness.) A true bargain at £2.85 from https://www.amazon.co.uk/Superpig-Gentl ... 354040227/

I haven't got time to go and find my copy right now, but his wise counsel on how to keep the house superficially clean enough to score with the girl from Waitrose is priceless. As is his parting shot to his house cleaner. Something along the lines of "Begone from my life, you hag, and never whiten my doorstep again".

BJ

[Gersemi]

Well we are expecting house guests today, which means we have had to clean whatever looks most disgusting. Fortunately they are very good friends which means we don't have to tidy up any more than it takes so that they can sit down.

[Watis]

Well we are expecting house guests today, which means we have had to clean whatever looks most disgusting. Fortunately they are very good friends which means we don't have to tidy up any more than it takes so that they can sit down.

We won't come if it's too much trouble!

Watis

[Dod101]

The only deep cleaning I do is the shower, loo and bathrooms in general. Gave up on a paid cleaner because they never did that area properly, oh and my windows. They are all ground floor and I prefer them to be clean.

Dod

[stevensfo]

This morning in a moment of mental incapacity I decided it was that time again. I pulled the 20te settee away from the wall to clean behind it. No matter how many times I have done this over the decades nothing has ever prepared me for the initial view of what lays behind and the repulsion such a sight drives deep into my feelings.

The settee sits neatly under the lounge window. This is a special place for the AiY family hounds to congregate and watch dreamily as the world walks by. But they don’t remain calm. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being peaceful and calm they mount defensive campaigns throughout the day. The post person receives the greatest attention with a score of 12, unless they have an orange coat on. In which case it’s straight to a 15. The bin collection people also get a great reception with a steady 10. Falling down the chart dog walkers come in at a secure 8, unless the dog is particularly large, in which case the calamity increases to 12. Delivery drivers fair quite well, until they ring the doorbell.

The window cill is covered in scratches and scuffs from the dogs claws. There’s a snot line running across the glass where dog’s noses make contact, and the top of the settee looks more like a battlefield than the top of two cushions.

Having filled the Dyson with dog hairs, dust and dead spiders and washed down the skirting board and radiator it’s time to put the settee back for another three months. But that will turn into 12 as I’ve found avoidance of such tasks far more enjoyable than the task itself.

AiY(D)

Assuming your sofa is a good 6cm above the floor, then simply buy a cheap robot vacuum cleaner. I got one last year, and it's amazing. Although it doesn't have any of these fancy radar detectors, WiFi programmable things or mopping sponges, it's still a little marvel. Although not that expensive ( about 150 quid) it seems to have subroutines that makes it detect walls and go slowly along, brushing and sucking the dust up. It came with a remote control that allows you to control it to some extent, so we generally start it off with circular vacuuming, after which it goes into auto mode.

Whenever you go out, just start it. For rooms upstairs, leave it there a for an hour or so.

Along with my conversion to cordless tools, leaf blowers, car vacuum cleaners, drills etc, it's the best thing we ever bought!

Steve

[kltrader]

When I moved out of my old apartment, the thought of cleaning every little corner was overwhelming. It wasn’t dirty, but cleaning all the hidden places seemed like a tremendous job.

So, I got some help and hired a company that does end-of-tenancy cleaning. They were amazing! They had all this cool cleaning stuff and knew what they were doing. My apartment looked so good after they finished, way better than if I had tried to clean it myself. Seeing everything so clean and not having to do it alone felt great.