Splitting the bill

[Rhyd6]

Ten of us out for a meal last night, normally when we're with a group of friends we just split the bill equally, swings and roundabouts it evens out in the end. Last night one couple insisted on going through the bill item by item even trying to work out how to split three bottles of wine between those that had wine - ie how many glasses each of us had had. In the end OH just grabbed the bill and announced that he'd buy the wine, they could pay for their meals. Needless to say they won't be getting another invite. What do you do? - work out the bill item by item or just split it. Was this a con to make someone else buy their wine!! Thank goodness it was just a pub meal and the wine was common or garden South American cab sauv. but it still got my goat.

R6

[Lootman]

It's petty for sure, but there is also the opposite problem - someone orders the most expensive stuff off the menu because they know it's going to get split evenly. The wife of a friend of mine was really bad for doing that. Fortunately he eventually divorced her.

My worst bill-splitting moment came many years ago when I went out with four couples but I was on my own because my wife was somewhere or other. Anyway at the end of the meal one of the other chaps announces that the bill should be split 5 ways, i.e. only the men pay.

Obviously that was a crappy deal for me, but then I didn't want to appear churlish or cheap, so I just went along with it. And didn't dine with them again.

[bungeejumper]

Doesn't happen often enough to have evolved a procedure, but when out with six friends or so we split the bill, and then anyone who's gone for the pricey options lobs in another fiver/tenner. We don't spend time worrying about who's had pricey drinks, any more than we would if we were simply buying rounds. Life's too short. I'd get really cross if somebody started dissecting the bill.

BJ

[DiamondEcho]

Tend towards BJs approach^
Drives me nuts people who want to split out precisely the cost of their meal, as IME it's guaranteed to get totalled too low; side-dishes, service charge, contribution to a reasonable tip - 'Ohhh yes, I forgot about those'.
It is painful to finish a good meal where someone's listed food totalled say £23.34 and that is precisely what they put into the pot as their due

If I've a choice I'd split it equally, then anyone who knows they've consumed more can voluntarily pay more and that starts the tip element.
Or, 'Well I had 5 cocktails + lobster, so I'll put in an extra £xy, take that off the total, then split it equally'.

The 'Well you had this = £x, and I had this £y' etc., is the perfect downer to end a good evening for me.

[sg31]

Ten of us out for a meal last night, normally when we're with a group of friends we just split the bill equally, swings and roundabouts it evens out in the end. Last night one couple insisted on going through the bill item by item even trying to work out how to split three bottles of wine between those that had wine - ie how many glasses each of us had had. In the end OH just grabbed the bill and announced that he'd buy the wine, they could pay for their meals. Needless to say they won't be getting another invite. What do you do? - work out the bill item by item or just split it. Was this a con to make someone else buy their wine!! Thank goodness it was just a pub meal and the wine was common or garden South American cab sauv. but it still got my goat.

R6

Not inviting them again would also be my response. I might have had more sympathy many years ago when some of the group may have been on very tight budgets. These days it doesn't apply in my group of friends.

[JMN2]

Problems people with social life have... in beer world people make mental notes and then everything gets evened out in a kebab shop.

[chrissyr]

Agree just split the bill.
Things that gets me is when out for a 'group' meal like chinese or curry people who order their own meal that nobody else can taste.

[Watis]

It's difficult to object once someone has suggested splitting the bill evenly at the end of the meal as it sounds so churlish. I've paid more than my share on occasion when out with friends who drink more than me but I've let it go because the amount isn't huge at the end of the day.

But it has caused me to think about avoiding a reoccurrence and, when I think I'll end up in this position in future, I will air the subject at the start of the meal. I think that anyone objecting to me saying that I'd like to pay my own way - perhaps, because I'm driving so won't be drinking - would themselves sound mean.

Watis

[redsturgeon]

I think that deciding up front how the meal will be settled is probably a good thing. Personally with our friends we generally split it evenly. If we are dining with our extended family (adult children and their other halves with grandkids etc ) we generally pay the whole bill and let the rest put enough for a generous tip.

Back to the OP, I would probably have done the same and paid for the wine.

I my student days this sort of thing caused problems but now if I wish to go out for a meal with friends or family then the total cost being +/- £10 or £20 here or there is of no consequence.

Its a bit like buying rounds in the pubs, I drink cask ales which are generally about 10% cheaper than the lagers than my friends drink, there are five of us, we meet once a week, therefore I regularly pay £1.60 ish extra per week for my drinks...that's £80 a year! Worth it though for the pleasure of not having to drink Amstel or Kronenburg!

John

[Rhyd6]

Quite agree with not wanting to drink Amstel or Kronenborg, that made me laugh. We normally split evenly as over time it evens out but it did put a dampner on the evening especially as they'd cadged a lift and then one of them didn't drink!! Water under the bridge now but I do hate people with deep pockets and short arms

R6

[bungeejumper]

I do hate people with deep pockets and short arms

LOL, I haven't heard that one, thanks. Although I have been known to tell somebody to take a long walk off a short pier.

BJ

[nmdhqbc]

I used to hate the equal splitting thing for different reasons than mentioned here. I would quite often be in the mood to splurge. Most expensive meal, in the mood to get really drunk so lots of drinks. When it's split evenly I didn't feel free to go for it. I was always much happier ordering separately and paying my bill separately so no one else is paying for my indulgence. I don't think that should be such an issue for my companions or the restaurant - just consider me a separate table of one. Simples.

[Leothebear]

I'm reminded of a long-haul airline captain who at his retirement party confided to a 'friend' that in all his years dining abroad with the crew he had never paid a penny of his own money. Normally a crew would trust their captain to organise and work out the bill at the end of the evening. He took full advantage of that trust.

I wished him a short and miserable retirement.

LTB

[DiamondEcho]

Interesting thread, striking that considering the experiences recounted that some form of a more standard protocol hasn't been arrived at.

Another pragmatic approach is facilitated in Singapore/Malaysia at 'food courts'. These are a collection of various food outlets, stalls/kiosks, located around a seating area. Each stall specialises in one sub-area of cuisine. Chinese seafood, noodles, soups, biriyanis, Malay cuisine, satay, drinks etc etc. If you go with a group you find a table on which is written it's table number. Then the first to decide what they're having goes off to the stalls and orders their food, giving their table number. The stall gives the diner a numbered token, and the diner pays [no tip] and returns to the table. Others from the group are likely also off ordering, but you need to maintain some presence at the table to ensure it stays 'choped' [reserved]. Shortly thereafter the respective stall assistants start bringing the food to the table, handed [no tipping] over according to them collecting back their tokens. Periodically the drink stalls, especially the beer stalls go around collecting empties and taking further orders, those who order more pay there and then [no tipping], and it's brought to the table.

Nice way to spend an evening, huge choice of food, cooked to order, inexpensive, and you never have to leave the table.

[UncleEbenezer]

I used to hate the equal splitting thing for different reasons than mentioned here. I would quite often be in the mood to splurge. Most expensive meal, in the mood to get really drunk so lots of drinks. When it's split evenly I didn't feel free to go for it.

On various occasions I've been in both that position and its opposite: having to watch the pennies. The latter gets a bit terrifying if you find yourself somewhere where even the cheaper options are really above your budget! I think a group meal needs to allow for that situation, except where a group has agreed to do otherwise.

I have a good friend, also the richest person I know (with two public-sector pensions), who is very good at raising the subject without causing offence. As we look at the menus, he'll express his intention to indulge himself expensively, and clearly imply his intention to pay for his own indulgence. That opens the door for us to adjust the other way for the thin lady who only ever manages one course. I'm generally somewhere in the middle in that company

[Slarti]

I have, on more than one occasion, announced in advance that I, or Mrs S and I will not be going in the group bill for whatever reason - usually because of needing to leave early.

I also make sure that the venue is aware of the need for a separate bill for me.

There is only one situation where an itemised bill is divided by what was eaten and that is where it was agreed in advance and where drinks are PAYG. Otherwise divide the bill by the party and round up a bit for the per head amount.

Always seems to work.

Slarti

[Fatrav]

We had an acquaintance who'd divvy up the bill for everyone collect the cash from everyone including tip, then pay with his card. This went on until someone noticed he was pocketing the tip!!

[bungeejumper]

We had an acquaintance who'd divvy up the bill for everyone collect the cash from everyone including tip, then pay with his card. This went on until someone noticed he was pocketing the tip!!

I get your point, but I can't remember the last time I settled a pub/restaurant meal bill in cash. Usually I just wave the plastic at the waiter and they bring the wireless payment gizmo to my table. After that, the fun bit is working out whether service is compris, and if it isn't, how I pay a tip electronically anyway? It's not always as simple as one might suppose.

Did I ever mention that I hate tipping? Not because I resent paying for service, but rather because it introduces an element of doubt and uncertainty into the very end of a meal when I'm having a good time and I want to go home with everybody feeling satisfied. When I rule the world, tipping for anything but truly exceptional service will be abolished. Yanks, take note.

BJ

[didds]

Did I ever mention that I hate tipping? Not because I resent paying for service, but rather because it introduces an element of doubt and uncertainty into the very end of a meal when I'm having a good time and I want to go home with everybody feeling satisfied. When I rule the world, tipping for anything but truly exceptional service will be abolished. Yanks, take note.

BJ

Well, me too. But its not just the yanks - its endemic now. Personally i'd rather had dishes etc advertised/sold at a higher price and the staff paid more to start with if the argument is without the tips the wait and kitchen staff don't earn enough. Then i can make a decsion based on known prices and the staff don;t have to worry if they can pay the bills this week. And I don;t end up subsidising the owner's lower NIC bill.

I also appreciate this tends to be a subject that nobody will alter anybody else's opinion and is a potential de-railer...

Have you seen the opening scene to Reservoir Dogs?

didds

[AleisterCrowley]

In the US staff are taxed on their 'expected' tips I think
They are effectively employed by the customers, with the restaurant providing the food, so they 'expect' a sizeable tip
Stupid system - I want to pay for the whole thing based on the menu price, with tips being only for exceptional service or quality.
Don't get me started on taxi drivers...