An airline with a difference...

[mc2fool]

Low-cost South-African internal airline Kulula...


https://www.thewisetraveller.com/Articles/view/?permalink=airlines-benefit-from-a-sense-of-humour





"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal..”

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today... And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

http://www.mnmsadventures.com/2011/07/come-fly-with-meor-not.html

[servodude]

Had a cheeky airhostess on a Virgin flight once whose patter during the safety announcement was excellent but really dead pan. So much so that it took a while to notice.
"The smoking area is on the wings; if you can light it you can smoke it"
- eventually everyone actually started paying attention to her (and probably took in more of the spiel than usual)

[stevensfo]

In Dar es Salaam airport, the screen in the terminal seemed to be just for decoration. Close to boarding time, I went and asked about our plane to Mbeya. She looked out the window and pointed. "It's that one. Quickly!"

So we had to go out onto the tarmac and walk to our nice Airbus 320. I asked again if it was the correct plane and we went up the steps.

Thankfully, the pilot was South African and had a sense of humour. Also, free peanuts!

We also took a small 20-person Cessna on the way back. Luggage went behind the last seat. One passenger had to sit next to the pilot. No safety instructions and we were in the air for 10 minutes before I worked out how to put the bloody seatbelt on!

I was nervous at first but it was incredibly smooth and the landing perfect. The pilot told me that the Cessna can more or less land itself. Though I didn't ask him to prove it!

Steve