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Jaded

A friendly ear
csearle
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Jaded

#139471

Postby csearle » May 16th, 2018, 11:54 pm

Hi. Spent a hard day's work on a building site (electrical first-fixing) then hurried home to get changed for the AGM of my volleyball club. (I'm the treasurer and also the coach of a session of volleyball open to all-comers on Thursday evenings.)

I managed to get there ten minutes early. Forty minutes later no-one else had turned up. We always hold our meetings in the sports centre in Tonbridge. I message the chairman three times, at ten past the hour, 15 past the hour and then at half past the hour. I am fairly, er, frustrated. I had checked earlier that I had the right day and the right time. I was so fed up I went home.

Turns out that on the email invite there was a hyphen at the end of the title mentioning the name of a pub, and that was where it was being held at. With the exception of once many years when we held it in a field(!) we have always held it at this same place.

Once home got an explanatory text saying that it was clear on the email (I dispute this) and that I hadn't bothered to phone anyone. This is true, I was so fed up of sitting there and not getting responses to text messages that I was not in the mood to phone anyone, besides by the time I even considered it I was already mightily late to the party. Hate being late.

There is a Whatsapp group called "volleyballers" that includes all and sundry at the club (but not me) on which most matters are chit-chatted about. I found this out from other club members. The character that is empowered to invite people has a disliking for me. This I believe is because I once reminded the ladies team not to lock the locker key inside the locker because otherwise two days later 25 people are standing there and can't play volleyball. She doesn't take criticism well. Anyway, because of this I'm permanently outside the loop despite being fairly active in the club (I do most of the refereeing for the club in the Kent league too).

Now this is on the back of having my first ever complaint in years regarding my volleyball session. I divide our session into two one hour parts: one hour for the relatively uninitiated and one hour afterwards for those that want to play fast, hard-hitting games. We encourage the new players to attend for the first hour until invited to stay for the second (which I do when I feel they would not disrupt the game too much).

Now this lady insisted week after week that she be allowed to play for the full two hours. She is not ready for it. She lets the ball drop at her feet rather than move one meter to try and keep it up and she keeps punching the ball with her fist, which results in the ball flying off in a random direction (often downwards). So she would be a complete disruption to the flow of the games for which the majority of participants have paid. I have tried every week to explain this when she has resumed her complaint. Other people as well as me have tried to suggest she stop punching the ball but she refuses to even try to improve her technique. Tragically she has a daughter (about 10 or 11 years old) that has improved in these few weeks to the point where she would be welcome to stay.

Anyway this lady has made a complaint and the manager of the sports centre, who wishes I imagine to be seen to be doing something, phones me up at work and lectures me for half an hour about how I must allow everyone to play for the full two hours if they want to. We've been doing this for at least a couple of decades now and have tried all sorts of strategies. It also depends upon who turns up on the day. Sometimes if the balance is tipped in favour of newer players I just let them play for the two hours, but usually we get enough players that want fast exciting games to make this unworkable.

So, in short, I am feeling fairly jaded with it all. I am reluctant to call it a day because most of the participants and many team players, coaches, and referees, with whom I have dealings form my social circle. On the other hand I really can't be doing with having a manager at the sports centre determining how I run my volleyball sessions just because of one complaint (in decades as far as I know). No-one is irreplaceable, only I can't see anyone at the club giving up every Thursday evening on a voluntary basis. It is difficult enough finding cover for a single Thursday if I'm away. I don't really want to disappoint the people that come week after week.

So what do I do? Do I stay or do I go?

Regards,
Chris

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Re: Jaded

#139472

Postby PinkDalek » May 17th, 2018, 12:06 am

Suggest you offer to attend alternative Thursdays, then we can go back to Foolish Socials on the day you are on off, and they can see how that works.

I'm sure someone will come up with a more sensible answer.

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Re: Jaded

#139473

Postby csearle » May 17th, 2018, 12:09 am

PinkDalek wrote:Suggest you offer to attend alternative Thursdays, then we can go back to Foolish Socials on the day you are on off, and they can see how that works.

I'm sure someone will come up with a more sensible answer.
I rather hope that I'll feel less upset about it all in the morning. C.

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Re: Jaded

#139475

Postby vrdiver » May 17th, 2018, 1:56 am

Frustrating. Annoying. Don't walk away until you are calm and have decided that you want to (if you decide that's what you want).

You need to get onto the whatsapp group: as treasurer you need to hear the gossip / comments / general gist of what people want. As a coach you need to hear what people are saying about the fun they're having. Ask the administrator directly, politely and with witnesses, so she has to acknowledge your request.

Re the sports centre manager: if people have paid for two hours, then he's got a point, but if they've paid for something else, then he can go whistle if he doesn't understand that. If you have team(s) that play in competition I'd suggest that strengthens your argument to separate out the different standards. Again, getting into a whatsapp conversation will help you judge the mood of whether the current split is working with (most of) the membership, or if it needs a rethink.

The crunch-point: that you mis-read the email: it happens. Hopefully no harm done (can you submit your report et)? Just annoying. Would have been nice if one of the committee members had tried to call you - comms is a two-way system! Didn't happen, so worth letting people know in advance (if you already didn't) that you will be attending etc. so that they make more effort to contact you should you be late for the next meeting.

Ultimately, do you enjoy what you do there? If not, then this event is likely to cause you a lot of resentment as you pile your emotions into it. If you do enjoy it, then time to think about whether there's anything to learn from it, or if it's just a once-off that can be left to fade into history.

VRD

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Re: Jaded

#139508

Postby Ashfordian » May 17th, 2018, 9:00 am

Hi Chris,

Firstly, while a minor thing, missing the location of where the AGM was being held is on you. However this looks to me to be the tip of the iceburg regarding this whole situation. I would fully expect the treasurer of a club to be on more than one communication regarding the location of the AGM.

I would put a list together, mentally or on paper of what you do for the club; refereeing, coaching, etc, and what others do.

The effort and time you put into the club is being taken for granted from the sound of it.

What I would do in your situation?

- Take a break from refereeing your club games for a season. The club i.e. the chairman will have to put in the effort to find someone else.

- Stop taking the Thursday coaching sessions(maybe moving your time to a playing night as a reason) and let the club(chairman) find someone else. It will go two ways, fold or continue. If it continues you could turn up for the second hour and participate without the burden of being the coach. Maybe you could be the 'fill-in' person rather than the other way around?

If there are certain sections of the club that are excluding you, why should you continue to put the effort in?

I would not leave the club though as you obviously enjoy the game, club, etc

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Re: Jaded

#139514

Postby AleisterCrowley » May 17th, 2018, 9:35 am

"No good deed goes unpunished" as the saying goes.

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Re: Jaded

#139542

Postby Meatyfool » May 17th, 2018, 11:39 am

Let the inept player in on the second hour, after you have told the worthy players to ensure constructive criticism is duly given.

"I told you so", will simlpy be the icing on the cake.

Meatyfool..

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Re: Jaded

#139573

Postby Dod101 » May 17th, 2018, 2:19 pm

I think most voluntary jobs have a lifespan and maybe Chris is just coming to the end of his. I have been a treasurer for various organisations over the years and it is mostly a very under rated/unappreciated job because most people's eyes glaze over when accounts are presented so it is not difficult to get a bit jaded in it.

Coupled with the fact that no-one apparently bothered to say 'Where's Chris?' and give him a call. After all the treasurer is an officer of the club and his presence should be a requirement for an AGM to go ahead. (Or at least someone standing him for him) I would be inclined to step back, only Chris should not surely want people to think he is in the huff. Write a polite note to the Chairman explaining that he would want to stand down as Treasurer. That leaves it open to him to continue in any other role or attending at all.

Just my pennysworth.

Dod

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Re: Jaded

#139622

Postby GrandOiseau » May 17th, 2018, 4:32 pm

Hey Chris,

I am "in deep" as regards a volleyball club. Do a lot of coaching, team management, event org, my fair share of officiating and a myriad of other carp. I try to let go of things or delegate but I'm a bit of a soft touch and like to see things done well so invariably take too much on. A lot of it I don't mind i.e., enjoy and I get a lot of out it and the sport/club but I do feel stressed or low sometimes. I have thoughts about jacking it in but I never have, as yet. As we've started a junior session and my kids are playing I've now got even more skin in the game!

The AGM is just one of those things. Lots of ifs, buts and maybes. I would just put that one down to experience.

What is the purpose of the whatsapp group? It needs to be made clear if it is an official communication channel or just a social random invite only group. If it's official it should be given a name that matches up. We have on called "Committee ABC Volleyball Club" and others for each of the teams we run.

Have you asked directly to be added to the whatsapp group? If not, assuming it holds some sort of official status, you should do. If the lady who controls it refuses then speak to the Chair. If it then doesn't happen then send the Chair your resignation. That is a red line right there.

I'm a bit confused regarding the session. Is it run by the Club or the Leisure Centre? Do you charge for an hours play or two hours play?

We run a mixed ability (including beginners session) and an advanced sesion (invite only) and it can be an issue with players wanting to make the step up but not actually up to the standard. You have to stand your ground as it's your session and you are making decisions for the good of everyone. You need the backing of the committee though.

I wouldn't quit just yet but you need to try and build some bridges and get back control of your situation. Don't be a drama queen, just take some practical steps to ensure you are treated fairly and get what you need from the club.

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Re: Jaded

#139724

Postby csearle » May 17th, 2018, 10:32 pm

Just in from volleyball, which went well. I'd like to thank you guys for your constructive input, which I skimmed through whilst I was waiting for the session to start earlier. I'll get an opportunity to read it again more thoroughly tomorrow afternoon I hope. I'll reply more properly then. What I can say is that I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about the Thursday sessions following today's session. Next week is the last one of the season anyway.

Regards,
Chris

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Re: Jaded

#139908

Postby csearle » May 18th, 2018, 7:35 pm

vrdiver wrote:Don't walk away until you are calm and have decided that you want to (if you decide that's what you want).
ap8889 wrote: Dudeism.
GrandOiseau wrote:The AGM is just one of those things. Lots of ifs, buts and maybes. I would just put that one down to experience.
I think this is good advice as I tend to get upset about stuff and then react impulsively, even if this means cutting off my nose to spite my face. Thank you for teaching me about Dudeism ap.

vrdiver wrote:You need to get onto the whatsapp group: as treasurer you need to hear the gossip / comments / general gist of what people want.
GrandOiseau wrote:What is the purpose of the whatsapp group? It needs to be made clear if it is an official communication channel or just a social random invite only group. If it's official it should be given a name that matches up. We have on called "Committee ABC Volleyball Club" and others for each of the teams we run.
I would like to be in this (unofficial) group because it would really keep me in the loop, but actually, and it’s a big but, it would be encouraging something with which I don’t really agree. The founder of this group was, it would seem, not content with our club’s facebook group so she created her own so that her clique could converse in private. This was then gradually expanded to various other favoured club members. This spread the various conversations over two places with half the club excluded. Bit by bit most people managed to get invited to this group, which made our “official” facebook group fairly unvisited and redundant. Then maybe because this group had become so public the same founder created this Whatsapp group, I guess for the same reasons, and history is now repeating itself.

vrdiver wrote:As a coach you need to hear what people are saying about the fun they're having. Ask the administrator directly, politely and with witnesses, so she has to acknowledge your request. .
Yes I feel I need to be in the loop. To be clear, there are three coaches. One for the men’s team, one for the ladies’ team and one for a session completely open to all-comers (me). So I am not the most important coach in terms of our league, but am more the public face of the club.

I have missed out on a channel of communication because of this restricted Whatsapp group but on the other hand it would be better if everyone communicated about club matters ain a place where everyone could see. So I am reluctant to legitimise this group my requesting to be a member of it.

vrdiver wrote:The crunch-point: that you mis-read the email: it happens. Hopefully no harm done (can you submit your report et)? Just annoying. Would have been nice if one of the committee members had tried to call you - comms is a two-way system! Didn't happen, so worth letting people know in advance (if you already didn't) that you will be attending etc. so that they make more effort to contact you should you be late for the next meeting.
Ashfordian wrote:Firstly, while a minor thing, missing the location of where the AGM was being held is on you. However this looks to me to be the tip of the iceburg regarding this whole situation. I would fully expect the treasurer of a club to be on more than one communication regarding the location of the AGM.



The blame is more on my side than on anyone else’s. The fact is that at the moment I can’t pick up email on my phone. This means I read it when I’m home on my computer. The chairman and I communicated almost exclusively by text message/phone call. The email was the one broadcast to the remainder of the committee. During our phone calls/messages there was no mention of the change of venue. For me the email was the formality. I didn’t read it properly. In fact I just looked at the bullet points regarding the items on the agenda. I’ll email my report to all concerned.

Actually just hours before the meeting I phoned the chairman to double check the time (as I was unable to check on my email). So he knew I was coming. I wish, when he later mentioned that I hadn’t phoned, that I’d been quick and pointed out that he hadn’t phoned either. Oh well. I rarely think of the best retort until hours after it was needed!

vrdiver wrote:Ultimately, do you enjoy what you do there? If not, then this event is likely to cause you a lot of resentment as you pile your emotions into it. If you do enjoy it, then time to think about whether there's anything to learn from it, or if it's just a once-off that can be left to fade into history.
I do enjoy it. It is the one thing that I’ve regularly done evenings where I rarely/never feel like rather not going.

Ashfordian wrote:I would put a list together, mentally or on paper of what you do for the club; refereeing, coaching, etc, and what others do.
I think I’ll do that. The thing is though that I am not really doing t for recognition, but rather because I enjoy it. It’s just that when I get left out of things for whatever reason (even it would seem my own inability to check my email) I get resentful. I am well aware that I might have inherited this from my mother, who determinedly resents not being the centre of attention (even though she is most of the time). I really don’t want to be selfish.

Ashfordian wrote: Take a break from refereeing your club games for a season. The club i.e. the chairman will have to put in the effort to find someone else. - Stop taking the Thursday coaching sessions(maybe moving your time to a playing night as a reason) and let the club(chairman) find someone else. It will go two ways, fold or continue. If it continues you could turn up for the second hour and participate without the burden of being the coach. Maybe you could be the 'fill-in' person rather than the other way around? .
This is the crunch for me. Do I step back and see how it all unfolds or not. Yesterday night's session was absolutely fine. All the new players (only four of them) were coached for an hour and the remaining not-so-new- players (eight of us) played an exhausting hour of four-versus-four. Everything just fine. When it happens like this then all is well in my world and I would not wish to step back. I just struggle to cope with the sports centre sticking their oar in. I admit I am torn.

Ashfordian wrote:If there are certain sections of the club that are excluding you, why should you continue to put the effort in? I would not leave the club though as you obviously enjoy the game, club, etc
The thing is that the exclusion is coming from one particular quarter. She is (I hope) not representative of the whole club, just very influential with the ladies team. I really don’t know exactly why I put the effort in. Maybe just wanting to do my bit to keep it all happening. I enjoy it when it all works, which to be honest is most of the time. This wobbly moment is the exception rather than the rule. Nevertheless I can’t quite get over being faced down like a belligerent boxer by a woman that I’ve barely met complaining in an aggressive manner that I must let her play in the second hour and not accepting that she’s only one out of 20-30 participants, whose needs I am trying to meet.

Meatyfool wrote:Let the inept player in on the second hour, after you have told the worthy players to ensure constructive criticism is duly given. "I told you so", will simply be the icing on the cake.
Yes well in a way this is what happened because on the first occasion the lady in question had already paid for two hours so, as is my custom, I asked her in future, to just pay for one hour and let her play for the full two hours. She was completely hopeless. She had any amount of feedback from the other players, who were, IMO, inwardly groaning (I know I was). The trouble is they are far too polite to be nasty (as are most volleyball players in my experience) so she just kept getting (and ignoring) the feedback. No-one grasps it immediately but she not only ignored the feedback but actually told the feedbackers that she was intending to ignore it, preferring instead to stick with her pre-conceived ideas.

I would like her to come along to the first hour and try and learn, not least because her incredibly enthusiastic daughter, despite her diminutive size has fully got it, and stops at nothing to play her role to the best of her ability (which is remarkably good considering she had only been four-or-so times). So I really don’t want to alienate the mother!

Dod101 wrote:Coupled with the fact that no-one apparently bothered to say 'Where's Chris?' and give him a call. After all the treasurer is an officer of the club and his presence should be a requirement for an AGM to go ahead. (Or at least someone standing him for him) I would be inclined to step back, only Chris should not surely want people to think he is in the huff. Write a polite note to the Chairman explaining that he would want to stand down as Treasurer. That leaves it open to him to continue in any other role or attending at all.
Yes that no-one bothered along with other recent cases where I felt excluded are bitter pills to swallow. But I am also trying to resist becoming my mother! :D Maybe though I could stand down as treasurer. I’ve got the huge pile of inherited paperwork sorted chronologically, presented the last few years’ worth of accounts in a certain automated profit/loss + balance sheet style, and against all odds it would seem, managed to get online access to the bank account for me and for the chairman, so that would perhaps be a way of marking my displeasure without it being a full-bodied hissy-fit.

GrandOiseau wrote:I am "in deep" as regards a volleyball club.
Crikey, how unlikely is that! What’s the probability of two of the three thousand or so Lemon Fools also being in deep in one of three hundred or so volleyball clubs? I am almost having to assume you are not in the UK!! :)


GrandOiseau wrote:I'm a bit confused regarding the session. Is it run by the Club or the Leisure Centre? Do you charge for an hours play or two hours play?
By the leisure centre. The club hires the same hall on another evening of the week. The leisure centre charges £6-£7 for each adult participant for two hours and pays about 10% of this (on average) to our club for providing coaching. There is a one hour option for new players. At the moment I am having to swallow a manager, who has never ever to my knowledge attended a volleyball session even to observe, putting up a notice at reception on Thursdays saying how the session is to be run. This guy didn’t let me read it before sticking it up there. Not impressed.

GrandOiseau wrote:We run a mixed ability (including beginners session) and an advanced session (invite only) and it can be an issue with players wanting to make the step up but not actually up to the standard. You have to stand your ground as it's your session and you are making decisions for the good of everyone. You need the backing of the committee though.
Yes this is how we’ve always run it too. But this complaining woman has the ear of the leisure centre manager, who seems to have come down firmly on the side of this new player not appreciating that about 90% of the attendees only come because of the normal game playing in the second hour. He argued on the phone that as he is paying for the session he can determine how it is to be run.

The chairman seems in agreement with me but has concluded after speaking with this guy that he can leave his notice up and that we can “interpret” the wording in such a way that both parties can claim to have got what they wanted. He should negotiating for UK in the EU! I’m still not happy with us accepting rules about our coaching sessions from some manager who as far as I can see has never even seen a volleyball.

GrandOiseau wrote:I wouldn't quit just yet but you need to try and build some bridges and get back control of your situation. Don't be a drama queen, just take some practical steps to ensure you are treated fairly and get what you need from the club.
Don't be a drama queen I think I should incorporate on my tombstone (if I end up with one.) :D

Thank you all so much. I’ll keep you informed if any drama happens.

Regards,
Chris

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Re: Jaded

#139931

Postby GrandOiseau » May 18th, 2018, 10:24 pm

I have "barred" two people because they were uncoachable i.e., didn't want to listen and were ruining sessions/games for others. There would have been a third but the guy stopped coming because of work commitments. Which was unfortunate because I was looking forward to telling him what a d*ckhead he was. From your description I would be barring this lady too. I agree the daughter is a complication but unfortunately the needs of the wider group trumps that of the individual. If you don't have the authority or backing of the leisure centre manager you've got clearly got two choices. Suck it up and crack on as best you can or tell them you are quitting.

I am still a bit curious about the relationship. Seems like a confusing triangle. If I was coaching for a third party i.e., a leisure centre, I would want paying directly. In fact I did this once. I ran a beginners course for the council. They paid me £20 a week for a one hour session. They charged the participants directly. We agreed a max number of participants (20). It was their session and the participants were asked to fill out an evaluation form at the end of it. It was an arrangement purely between the council and me. I used club balls and had some assistance from other club members and it was expected some of the participants would roll forward into club sessions. That didn't really materialise... long story... You seem to be answerable to the club and the leisure centre and getting no remuneration or benefit. I volunteer for my club as do others but in general not for third parties. Part of the reason for that is the dilemma you now face.

In regard of the facebook/whatsapp group thing. All sounds off to me. First off, I don't understand how a second facebook group was started. What's that all about? And whatsapp, it's all very well people using it for group huddles but general club communications should be through agree mediums. Ours is email and facebook. It's expected you will see one or both. I think this needs clarifying. Anything that is not for official club comms you can ignore. Yes, I know you'll get curious, feel left out but that will wear off. Anything that is for official comms everybody needs to have the opportunity to join. IME email is still the default for club comms. If it's not in an email it wouldn't be official.

I think you should have a go at sorting out some of these issues and getting things on an even footing. If this proves impossible, walk. Unless you can put up with it and feeling on balance you are getting enough enjoyment to balance out the hassles.

Oh, and I'm based in the UK.

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Re: Jaded

#140085

Postby Bminusrob » May 19th, 2018, 9:11 pm

Chris, I am a former volleyball player, and current National League referee (although not at the dizzy heights you refereed at), so I know a bit about the game. From what you originally wrote, I would throw the book at the sports centre manager, then throw the second volume at the moaning woman. Just like a referee, a coach's top priority is the safety of participants. If you think the woman concerned is not good enough, she shouldn't play. Will the sports centre manager take responsbility if she is hit in the face with the ball, maybe gets a bloody nose or worse, or does he expect you to play with balloons or sponge balls.

I am also a cricketer, and there is a joke in cricket that a batsman can get hit so hard on the leg that not only can you see the indentation of the seam, but you can "read the maker's name". I have seen the seam (on myself and others) but never the makers name. However, I have seem "Mikasa" on a woman's arm, having been hit by a serve from another woman. Volleyball is not the soft game it is portrayed as in nudist camp.

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Re: Jaded

#140106

Postby didds » May 19th, 2018, 11:45 pm

Its certainly a slightly odd scenario it seems.

There is some wierd dichotomy between the status of the session... in that it is on one hand a leisure centre session, so presumably open to all, but its a club session really.

Ultimately if the LS is paying for the session its seems reasonable that they call the shots over what they want to see happen in it, to be honest. If the club (ie club members) want the arrangements to be different that is up to them to express their requirements through the club to the LS. It sounds like a rather organic historical situation whereby things have developed over time generally with mutual consent that has not got stirred up by one person not understanding/accepting the historical context.

You, the OP is piggy in the middle here - an unfair situation. TBH - and as a rugby coach I do sympathise here - I think a simple solution is offering itself... the season finishes in a week or so (from the above) ... so just see it through as per "demands" from the LS. Then give it a month or so then make it now (as suggested by others) that you will only be available to coach every (say) third week due to new committments (eg you are going to the cinema every week otherwise with your partner/friend/whatever. Even if you are not!). This will mean there is at least one other coach sharing the "piggy" with you which may flush a result out one way or another. And also, if a fully shared session means the full on game cannot be realistic in the second hour that is not your problem - that is up to the players to find that solution or maybe walk away.



Good luck.

didds

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Re: Jaded

#140170

Postby stevensfo » May 20th, 2018, 4:04 pm

I think you should watch some of the old Brittas Empire DVDs. He really knew how to encourage sport! :-)

Re. the Leisure centre manager, it's always the same. The vociferous minority complain the loudest, and he has to listen to her. Maybe hint to a few others that 'they' should complain about her playing? Or play the 'elf 'n safety card and tell him that due to her poor playing and inability to follow instructions, the woman poses a safety issue to herself and others, but of course, you'll be only to happy for her to play if he'll put the request in writing...etc.

I sympathise about the wrong place, Whatsapp group etc. Some people are just hopeless at communicating, others see information as power and like to keep it to themselves.


Steve

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Re: Jaded

#140495

Postby csearle » May 22nd, 2018, 11:05 am

GrandOiseau wrote:I am still a bit curious about the relationship. Seems like a confusing triangle. If I was coaching for a third party i.e., a leisure centre, I would want paying directly.
Hi, well I inherited the arrangement from my predecessor. During my time here everything has until recently worked smoothly. The leisure centre want to be seen to offer volleyball and outsource the coaching to our club (longest standing club there AFAIK). The leisure centre pay the club a very small amount and I do the coaching (on a voluntary basis). Until this complaint they never intervened. This was all fine. We have now had words and agreed that I should alter the advertising (a poster) to be more clear about the way the session is run and that I should write something to make it clear at the reception where people pay. This I have done. Twice now my notice has been, er, confiscated, by the end of the session. Basically it said: first hour for newer players; second for experienced players; I'll decide when someone is ready for it. Clearly the manager didn't like this and has now put up his own poster saying that the 9-10pm session is for the "player who has completed a defined criteria" which, looking past the questionable grammar, is vaguely in the right direction but not right as I don't define any criteria. I just look and see generally what their play is like and whether I can imagine them fitting in without unduly disrupting the session.

So I take issue with a manager, who AFAIK, has never visited a volleyball session, re-writing my explanatory reception-poster. He also removed my alteration of the misleading general poster thus making it misleading again!

So, having had time to think about it, after Thursday, I will withdraw my services. I will probably still be involved in tournaments and with the outdoor games (I have my own net/court) and will doubtless be called upon to referee. If I miss it too much I can always pay my subs and join in with the team training.

GrandOiseau wrote:In regard of the facebook/whatsapp group thing. All sounds off to me. First off, I don't understand how a second facebook group was started. What's that all about? And whatsapp, it's all very well people using it for group huddles but general club communications should be through agree mediums.
The second facebook started because IMO, frankly, one individual likes to gossip about everyone. She wants to do this with her besties in the club. So she starts a group which bit-by-bit swells to the point where it is no longer fit for her purpose. The demise of the "official" group is an unintended consequence. So now this "volleyballers" WhatsApp group fulfils the same purpose I strongly suspect. Only it too has grown to the point where it is being used increasingly to organise club social activities. But of course half of us are not in it, so if said events are only discussed there it leads to resentment, well certainly with me. For example about three weeks ago we had our end-of-season do. At the end we all left and only those in this WhatsApp group were informed of a venue where the party continued. So I don't really feel that this group is a healthy development for the club. I suspect, but don't know, that the AGM was also a topic on this group because of the dinner they'd apparently decided to have afterwards, so not being part of that meant that I missed another opportunity to find out about the change of venue.

I have decided therefore to stand down as treasurer too. I'll find other people with whom to socialise! :D

Bminusrob wrote:Chris, I am a former volleyball player, and current National League referee (although not at the dizzy heights you refereed at)
Crikey, so many volleyball types here, who'd've thought it! The Kent league is not at a dizzy height as compared to the National League though, more like a steady depth.

Anyway, thanks for all your comments. Plenty of views that helped me put it all in perspective when making my decisions. I suspect there will be the odd Thursday evening come September when I wonder what to do with myself, but I can always find something else to do - like go for a run to the pub and back. :)

Regards,
Chris

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Re: Jaded

#140501

Postby redsturgeon » May 22nd, 2018, 11:19 am

I think you have made the right decision here I think they were taking you for granted, as you say you should socialise with more agreeable people.

Regarding:
Clearly the manager didn't like this and has now put up his own poster saying that the 9-10pm session is for the "player who has completed a defined criteria" which, looking past the questionable grammar, is vaguely in the right direction but not right as I don't define any criteria. I just look and see generally what their play is like and whether I can imagine them fitting in without unduly disrupting the session.


I have to admit they I can understand where the manager is coming from with this although it is a bit present day CYA stuff.

If the only criteria is "when I decide you are ready" then you lay yourself open to challenge regrading favouritism or discrimination. Having set criteria, in any area of life be it sport or work allows you to ensure fairness and equal opportunity to all.

As for the exclusion from the whatsapp group...that to me is an open an shut case of bullying by the group and I would have walked a long time before you as a result of that.

It's a real shame when all you are trying to do is to give your time and expertise for free for the benefit of others though. I'd find another group who are more appreciative.

John

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Re: Jaded

#140507

Postby Dod101 » May 22nd, 2018, 11:55 am

I think you are right Chris, and do not look back! If this thread has helped you arrive at a 'comfortable' conclusion that is good.

Dod

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Re: Jaded

#140548

Postby vrdiver » May 22nd, 2018, 2:23 pm

Just like the "when they're ready" criteria, deciding whether you want to stay as-is, or go is ultimately a gut-feel.

I used to organise training (not volley ball) and (IMHO) was very good at it (!) but when it became too much aggravation I stood down and now enjoy the training I do do much more: sometimes you just need a break.

Enjoy the sport, don't burn your bridges and see how you feel after a season or so, when you may decide the new status quo is just fine, or you're ready to offer a bit more of your time again.

VRD

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Re: Jaded

#140785

Postby GrandOiseau » May 23rd, 2018, 2:34 pm

The training session thing is probably solvable/liveable. As you say it's run smoothly in the past. People like this lady often stop coming of their own accord as they grow tired of their own incompetence and idiocy. You can off course help the process along :-)

The 'split' in the membership is a bigger concern and more difficult to overcome. No club is without some stresses and strains, not everybody gets on swimmingly, etc. but this sounds like more of a fundamental issue.

Like VRD says I wouldn't burn your bridges (things can change) but yes take a step away, unhinge from the responsibilities and see how things pan out.


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