Feeling like crap - mental health issue again!
Posted: October 29th, 2018, 1:25 pm
From the practical legal issues board:
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=14461
Just trying to get things out there, mostly as a cathartic thing for my present troubles, but I might also print off and show to my GP.
I have had issues with my mental health for a long time, and I think it fair to say that I have never managed to voice my concerns clearly enough to my GP to get to the bottom of it.
So, in a nutshell, I bailed out of a well paid IT career in 2005 after having episodes of "stress" for the previous couple of years. I subsequently spent 16 months off work caring for my newborn son before got a much lower paid part time job without the same level of responsibilities. I had another change of job circa 2010 which was an absolute disaster - what I called a conflict of personalities at the time with one individual. Feeling sick all the time, loss of appetite, feeling like I could cry at the drop of a hat. My capability to think clearly went out of the window and I got sacked (thank god!), but not before having a crash in blood pressure and nearly passing out on one occasion. Got my old job back, and with a transition later on to a slightly different full time role, I have been with the same employer ever since. Count my lucky stars, the job and the people I work with are great.
However, since 2010 I have had a number of incidents that have left their mark on me. Someone maliciously sent me a Police NIP (Notice of Intention to Prosecute for reckless, dangerous or ???? driving) - sorry can't dredge up the last word, begins with I, but my thought processes are so screwed right now, can't bring it up! Nothing ever came of it but I was left sobbing wreck at one point, and had the same issues with loss of appetite, inability to think clearly etc for weeks.
At least one other incident that doesn't spring to mind!
I've been prescribed sleeping tablets to help during the worst times of crisis and had anti-depression tablets for some months as well.
Several months ago, I reported to my GP about my concerns about my memory - not being able to keep things stick. I got a memory clinic appointment which said nothing wrong. I think he got the wrong end of the stick thinking I was concerned about early dementia, but memory issues I can now see are just an example of a wider issue of my thought processes feeling like glue - not being "sharp" and regularly making stupid decisions any other person wouldn't have made.
Bringing things up to the present - I nearly knocked someone down on a zebra crossing a couple of weeks ago which scared the **** out of me - I had been distracted by my sat nav - just another indication of my brain making wrong decisions - I should have paid attention to the road. For a while I went through the same sickening feelings again, catastrophising that I would be reported, but I then suspected that she may have chided herself for not paying attention herself for not looking out for a silent electric car before crossing the road!
This incident was a blessing in disguise because I re-evaluated my decisions leading up to that near miss and did some websearching as a result. I may/may not have suffered from stress, I may/may not have suffered from depression, but the one thing that has never been mentioned is anxiety.
After this incident, I booked a non-emergency appointment with my GP (next month) to discuss this. To my layman's mind, I think I have been suffering from anxiety for years now without the clear cognitive ability to see it.
My eldest son has autism but also significant learning disabilities. Whilst we can leave him at home some of the time to do his own thing; flapping hands, flapping ribbons, playing videos on his ipad, swinging in the garden, lying in bed (teenager!) etc, we have to do everything else for him. My wife has the mental constitution to cope better but I do not. Life is an almost constant series of worries: are the bathrooms locked (floods), are the kitchen/utility taps locked? I hear water - panic and sprint! How large is his nappy? Is he starting nappy dipping again? Has he taken his dirty nappy off? Are the waterproof mattress covers on, or has he pulled them off again? And so on.
Taking him outside is just the same. Put harness and rein on before going out. Walking along the pavement, must remember to put him on the shop side of the pavement, me to the road side. Sirens - are they coming this way? Get him into a shop if possible, cover his ears with hands if not. Motorbikes, same thing. The real punisher though is the knowledge that if I lose concentration or control of him on a pavement and he leaps out into the road and gets hit, I am on the end of a five foot rein before I fly through the air too.
Can I really have been living through anxiety for years? It beggars belief.
I got talking therapy after one of the incidents above, not much use as the event that crystallised my need had long since retreated into the past.
So, big yay for me for finally thinking about anxiety and booking to see my GP about it. And yay again for informing my boss and HR adviser this morning to get their support too.
However, knowing that my mental acuities have been shot (potentially for some time), there may be something in what I have said above that should be screaming out loud and clear to me! Please let me know if so!
Meatyfool..
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=14461
Just trying to get things out there, mostly as a cathartic thing for my present troubles, but I might also print off and show to my GP.
I have had issues with my mental health for a long time, and I think it fair to say that I have never managed to voice my concerns clearly enough to my GP to get to the bottom of it.
So, in a nutshell, I bailed out of a well paid IT career in 2005 after having episodes of "stress" for the previous couple of years. I subsequently spent 16 months off work caring for my newborn son before got a much lower paid part time job without the same level of responsibilities. I had another change of job circa 2010 which was an absolute disaster - what I called a conflict of personalities at the time with one individual. Feeling sick all the time, loss of appetite, feeling like I could cry at the drop of a hat. My capability to think clearly went out of the window and I got sacked (thank god!), but not before having a crash in blood pressure and nearly passing out on one occasion. Got my old job back, and with a transition later on to a slightly different full time role, I have been with the same employer ever since. Count my lucky stars, the job and the people I work with are great.
However, since 2010 I have had a number of incidents that have left their mark on me. Someone maliciously sent me a Police NIP (Notice of Intention to Prosecute for reckless, dangerous or ???? driving) - sorry can't dredge up the last word, begins with I, but my thought processes are so screwed right now, can't bring it up! Nothing ever came of it but I was left sobbing wreck at one point, and had the same issues with loss of appetite, inability to think clearly etc for weeks.
At least one other incident that doesn't spring to mind!
I've been prescribed sleeping tablets to help during the worst times of crisis and had anti-depression tablets for some months as well.
Several months ago, I reported to my GP about my concerns about my memory - not being able to keep things stick. I got a memory clinic appointment which said nothing wrong. I think he got the wrong end of the stick thinking I was concerned about early dementia, but memory issues I can now see are just an example of a wider issue of my thought processes feeling like glue - not being "sharp" and regularly making stupid decisions any other person wouldn't have made.
Bringing things up to the present - I nearly knocked someone down on a zebra crossing a couple of weeks ago which scared the **** out of me - I had been distracted by my sat nav - just another indication of my brain making wrong decisions - I should have paid attention to the road. For a while I went through the same sickening feelings again, catastrophising that I would be reported, but I then suspected that she may have chided herself for not paying attention herself for not looking out for a silent electric car before crossing the road!
This incident was a blessing in disguise because I re-evaluated my decisions leading up to that near miss and did some websearching as a result. I may/may not have suffered from stress, I may/may not have suffered from depression, but the one thing that has never been mentioned is anxiety.
After this incident, I booked a non-emergency appointment with my GP (next month) to discuss this. To my layman's mind, I think I have been suffering from anxiety for years now without the clear cognitive ability to see it.
My eldest son has autism but also significant learning disabilities. Whilst we can leave him at home some of the time to do his own thing; flapping hands, flapping ribbons, playing videos on his ipad, swinging in the garden, lying in bed (teenager!) etc, we have to do everything else for him. My wife has the mental constitution to cope better but I do not. Life is an almost constant series of worries: are the bathrooms locked (floods), are the kitchen/utility taps locked? I hear water - panic and sprint! How large is his nappy? Is he starting nappy dipping again? Has he taken his dirty nappy off? Are the waterproof mattress covers on, or has he pulled them off again? And so on.
Taking him outside is just the same. Put harness and rein on before going out. Walking along the pavement, must remember to put him on the shop side of the pavement, me to the road side. Sirens - are they coming this way? Get him into a shop if possible, cover his ears with hands if not. Motorbikes, same thing. The real punisher though is the knowledge that if I lose concentration or control of him on a pavement and he leaps out into the road and gets hit, I am on the end of a five foot rein before I fly through the air too.
Can I really have been living through anxiety for years? It beggars belief.
I got talking therapy after one of the incidents above, not much use as the event that crystallised my need had long since retreated into the past.
So, big yay for me for finally thinking about anxiety and booking to see my GP about it. And yay again for informing my boss and HR adviser this morning to get their support too.
However, knowing that my mental acuities have been shot (potentially for some time), there may be something in what I have said above that should be screaming out loud and clear to me! Please let me know if so!
Meatyfool..