Christmas - feeling extra crap this year

[Sunnypad]

hi all
I suppose this gets worse as you get older

is there anyone on the boards who has found something else to "do" for Xmas that doesn't involve tons of expense or going abroad?

it's such a boring lonely time for me, all my friends go off and I have really bad SAD etc.

What do people do if they hate Xmas or does everyone just survive? It also gets longer each year it seems.

[redsturgeon]

I can imagine Xmas being not much fun if you are on your own or perhaps just with older people. It seems to me, the the magic, if there is any, emanates from children and their experience of it.

Do you have any relatives/friends with children who you could spend a little time with? Sitting around a table, playing Monopoly, or cards is not expensive. When we take our children up to visit my parents we like to take something tat we can all share in together, Lego or a board game.

The other avenue is getting out and helping out at some charity or local community project, again the shared sense of purpose and making a small difference to someone can help put things in perspective.

Certainly the weather has been very grey and dull for the last couple of weeks but looking out my window now I can see blue sky and the days are getting longer again.

Take care

John

[Dod1010]

Hi Sunnypad

I am sorry to read your post. I suppose it is a frame of mind but try not to hate Christmas. I agree that there is a lot of false bonhomie around but just accept that it is there. Our local church has organised a Christmas lunch for those just like you (presumably no family of friends nearby) not intended as a charity but just to provide some friendship and company.

Without being too personal, my wife was not well enough for the past couple of years (she died this year) to either go out for a meal or even to eat much at home so I was virtually on my own. I just ignored it, kept warm and ate by myself. I do not suffer from SAD, except often this last year from the other meaning, sad, but I guess I will get over it.

So chin up; it will soon be January!

Dod

[Sunnypad]

oh I'm with family and the fact that there are no kids around is something to be grateful for frankly!

I just find it so tedious - the timing is terrible. I usually have a nice thing planned but this year I can't do it on account of mum being ill.

perhaps I'll feel better next year. i nearly burst into tears earlier, then I stopped myself - I just have to get through it.

the false cheer and general chaos just add to the difficulties of SAD I think.

[Dod1010]

I seeeeeeeeee!

[oldtimer]

I find it helps to walk outside - even that amount of extra light helps, even if it's raining and especially if it's windy like today.
I look at the view, the houses, the vegetation (even the litter, and sometimes if I have a bag, pick it up). I think to myself about other people's taste in decoration, the shape of their houses and what they have done to their gardens.
I suppose it makes me feel connected to the world and part of it, even if I'm outside of their lives.

[Sussexlad]

I find it helps to walk outside.

I have to second that. We walk a fair bit and though I have some aches and pains and am slightly reluctant to go some days, I always find it lifts my spirits. I think it's a combination of the exercise itself, the fresh air, a passing word with the odd dog-walker / horse rider but as much as anything, a sense of self-satisfaction that I made the effort. I don't find the dreariness affects me. I try very hard not to let things I can't change, get me down.

As an aside, the other day, a guy we have chatted to for some years, gave us the sad news that his wife who has been battling cancer for over a year, had finally succumbed. It was the second wife he had lost to cancer, he then confided in us. My wife then rather cheekily ask if there could possibly be a third - we have built up a certain rapport I should add. 'I wouldn't rule it out', he quickly replied, 'I've always believed that you keep the memories but move on.' I guess that's a pretty good example of not allowing things you can't change, get you down !

[Dod1010]

To return to this thread, as I said, my wife died earlier this year and she was the second wife who has died, the first one from the long term effects of diabetes. I very much doubt that I will marry again, even if the chance came along because I think it would be asking too much of anyone.

I do though get out most days, walking for at least an hour and find that very refreshing and enjoyable. I just love to see the seasons move on. It gets light where I live at about 8.30 am or sometimes later and it is thoroughly dark by around 4.15 pm. As someone said you cannot do much about that and in a month or so I should be able to see the days getting longer again. Meanwhile a great chance to catch up with reading and housework or simply removing dust!

[JMN2]

Keep the food simple (roast potatoes, ham, pate), lots of brisk country walking and a few ales afterwards - works for me!

[ReformedCharacter]

it's such a boring lonely time for me, all my friends go off and I have really bad SAD etc.

Happy Christmas Sunnypad. As a fellow sufferer of SAD, I might mention that I have found relief from a daylight simulating lamp, in fact I have it on now on my desk. I find that I have to remember to actually use it but it does help. I prefer to celebrate the solstice, rather than Christmas, and the return of longer periods of daylight. All the best to you.

RC

[jackdaww]

it is indeed a bad time.

a commercial artifice.

a week of sundays.

bank holidays - why do we have bank holidays - whats so good about banks?.

tearfulness comes to some with age and sad experiences.

but we are very fortunate compared to some - we have clean drinking water , most of us are warm and dry.

with the lengthening days i look forward to spring , and get as many jobs/chores as possible done meantime .

and a 20 minute walk helps.

....

[Sunnypad]

Thanks for the replies all
Hope everyone was okay
I have sad lamp and meds but this xmas has been worse than usual for other reasons

Now I am heading back home thank goodness! Roll on Spring.

[Biggles]

is there anyone on the boards who has found something else to "do" for Xmas that doesn't involve tons of expense or going abroad?

(If there are no g'children around) I just treat it as a normal day. I find that involves no expense, though I can go abroad if I want to.

I find it helps to confuse people by studiously avoiding the use of the phrase 'M*rry xm*s'. Even people that know you don't people in all that stuff (and you know don't believe it themselves), still parrot it and seem to expect it to be parroted in return.

[cleo2002]

Hi Sunnypad,

I hope you're okay. Going for a walk certainly helps with SAD. There are some fantastic shrubs in bloom at the moment which have the most heavenly scent. I managed to smell a few of these on my walk today.

Also are you a gardener? I got myself an allotment this year because I like growing things to eat. I've been using the Christmas period to plan my allotment.

[Sunnypad]

biggles - I would if I didn't have my parents to factor in!

never mind, feeling much better now anyway.

Cleo, I don't have a garden sadly. I live in not-great outer burb of London and it's not much fun to wander around anyway at this time of year.

Tomorrow I am going to see a friend who lives somewhere nice and posh which will be nice and there is a much nicer local park where we will go and have a wander.

However. last night I slept about 11 hours so I am feeling much more cheerful in any case. I think christmas really marks the bleak midwinter for me and it's been worse than usual because of mum being ill but I'm feeling much better now and the January diary has actual interesting things in it when my friends get back from all the madness.

thanks for the listening ear everyone, much appreciated.

[UncleEbenezer]

1. It's a Good Time to get some work done. When all your would-be distractions are going into survival mode with their families and enforced rituals, they're not getting between you and your productivity.
2. Check the daylight hours, and be encouraged by the fact that dusk is already beginning to get a little later (the latest dawn is yet to come, but the earliest dusk was up to two weeks earlier). Spring is on the way!
3. Active resistance is less depressing than passive submission. Be the person who actively discourages stupid cards, and is seen to be uncomfortable with it when given one. Bust some of the christmas myths. Keep your own space free from humbuggery, and don't let yourself get bullied into celebrating anyone else's. Boycott the humbuggery: when buying anything from a pint to a stamp, refuse with mild disgust anything themed for "christmas" and take the inoffensive option instead. Above all, pour scorn on the massive humbuggery coming from the church and sanctimonious virtue-signallers in the season.

[Halicarnassus]

I appreciate not everyone or perhaps even many are religious on here, so this is just my own take on it and is just an expression of me rather than a call for debate.

Christmas is for me a beautiful time. The celebration of the birth of Christ. The lead up from four weeks before when advent commences is a beautiful time for reflection: some call it the little lent, as a conscious preparation before the celebration of Christmas, just like Easter.

The essence of Christmas is so different from the commercial calamity of the High St. The poverty of the Holy family and the charity of the shepherds and Magi, remind me of the poverty of spirit and the charity towards others that I should strive for.

It's funny, before I went back to Church, i still hated the falseness and gratuitous selfishness and greed that seemed to get more intoxicating each year.

Anyway, I hope you had a peaceful Christmas and a Joyful Easter tomorrow!

[Dod1010]

I appreciate not everyone or perhaps even many are religious on here, so this is just my own take on it and is just an expression of me rather than a call for debate.

I thought that post was a very refreshing change from the negativity of the atheists who sometimes post here. This is Easter Day and of course for the world, if there were no Easter there would be no Christmas to celebrate. (Non Christians would argue probably quite rightly that they would have had a mid winter festival anyway but that is a different discussion.)

I have been to church today and also attended a service on Maundy Thursday so I am very much in sympathy with the views of Halicarnassus. As for the dark days around Christmas well there is not much we can do about that in the Northern hemisphere anyway and we just need to get on with it.

Dod

[Halicarnassus]

I appreciate not everyone or perhaps even many are religious on here, so this is just my own take on it and is just an expression of me rather than a call for debate.

I thought that post was a very refreshing change from the negativity of the atheists who sometimes post here. This is Easter Day and of course for the world, if there were no Easter there would be no Christmas to celebrate. (Non Christians would argue probably quite rightly that they would have had a mid winter festival anyway but that is a different discussion.)

I have been to church today and also attended a service on Maundy Thursday so I am very much in sympathy with the views of Halicarnassus. As for the dark days around Christmas well there is not much we can do about that in the Northern hemisphere anyway and we just need to get on with it.

Dod

And you can always look forward to Spring and the cycle of perpetual rejuvenation. That is something i do miss. I live in a part of the world where there is practically nothing (an hour or two) between sunset times in winter and summer. (In fact we don't really have seasons, just some times are hotter than others.) At dinner time - six o clockish) it's either already dark or getting dark - all year round.

Stark contrast to my youthful days playing in the fields in Scotland with light up until 11pm. I'd take the UK sun cycle and seasons in a heartbeat.

[Biggles]

if there were no Easter there would be no Christmas to celebrate

What a relief that would be!

And maybe we could have those four bank holidays spaced out, on more sensible dates, throughout the year?