DEMENTIA

[jackdaww]

my mom died in june - aged 100 .

she had dementia the last 3/4 years , fortunately - she was not distressed , and well cared for in a castle vale (birmingham) home.

at her age its not unexpected , but at the home , quite a number were much younger - perhaps in their seventies , and it seems that some get it sooner still .

i thought i would start a dementia topic , but uncertain where to put it , i cant find a health board , so will report this post for clarification.

[Tanya2012]

Hello jackdaw

Not sure if I can help but my Dad is 83 and suffers from Parkinson's disease but not dementia. My husband is 70 and we joke about why he goes into certain rooms and can't remember why these days. That said I am only 55 and often find myself questioning why I am in a certain place in the home and have to go back to where I was and retrace my steps. I sometimes wonder if degrees of alzheimers or dementia come to us all at some point? Dad however is quite selective. He recalls amazing facts from the past but forgets he has told us things from the week before so we simply humour him. It is easier that way with a pleasant older chap. Wow, 100 years is quite some age so bodes well for you I hope. My paternal grandmother died just short of 100 too so hope to have Dad around for quite some years yet.
Tanya x

[Raptor]

My Mum died last year aged 88. She was in early stage dementia and was worried as she forgot things. I have now trained up with Alzheimer Society as a "befriender". I have learnt that there are many different forms of "dementia" and it is not restricted to the "older" generation. As to memory, they liken it to a large bookcase, with the books ranked by date with the oldest at the bottom. Now imagine dementia as shaking the bookcase and all the recent "memories" fall but older memories stay.
It depends in which part of the brain the "disease" effects as to how it manifests itself. Parkinson's does in fact lead to a type of dementia as it affects the brain.

Raptor.

[Tanya2012]

I need to learn more as the only child of a Parkinson's sufferer and wife of an older guy. That said I work full time so time is limited.

[beeswax]

Hi all, I was pointed to this thread from the religious topics board and mentioned the fact that my MIL has gone from a residential home to a nursing home because she has progressive dementia that is getting worse. She is 98 though and so a great age and have seen two homes at close quarters with many residents with severe physical/mobility problems and most actually with some kind of dementia as well even though the carers will cope with most of them even though its not really their speciality. I have great pity and love for them all as I see their vulnerability and the fact that few if any want to be in there. They all want to 'go home'!

I have an interest in popular music and so spend some time singing and playing music to them when I can and they enjoy that immensely as I do when I see their reaction and lips moving to the lyrics etc.

I hope we can find a cure for dementia as it so demeaning to see our loved ones go down hill and have all sorts of associated problems they clearly can't control. My MIL just repeats the same phrases over and over and shouts to the carers "Come here"! the whole time and I have known her for over 50 years and don't want her to suffer so...Its tragic when it hits people at a far younger age though. I do think its kinda normal to forget things though as I do at age 72 and so don't worry too much if that happens. Getting a care or nursing home is a nightmare in itself as there are so few vacancies in our area of the Country and the cost...oh the cost all and approaching a thousand pounds a week now if that includes the NHS nursing element that is available. At least most care homes are quite good even though not like home, they do cater for their needs but one thing they do lack is one of activity and most I see just sit in lounges in front of the TV bored out of their minds seemingly but maybe having dementia is good when they don't know what is happening if that makes sense to anyone? Its more a problem for those without dementia that is the real problem in these homes even though they do have an activities person(s) who are supposed to provide stimulus for them etc.

God bless them all!

[bungeejumper]

most I see just sit in lounges in front of the TV bored out of their minds seemingly but maybe having dementia is good when they don't know what is happening if that makes sense to anyone?

As somebody said, there are several types of dementia - and in a way, the ones with Alzheimers have a better time of it than those with vascular dementia, because they're generally less aware of what they're losing. Instead, with vascular, you get a long series of mini-strokes over several years, which knock your faculties away, bit by bit. And each time you lose a bit, you notice it and it hits your self-confidence, because you've still got your intelligence and your full consciousness. Sometimes you get periods of remission or even partial repair, but it's a long process that doesn't allow you very much dignity.

We lost my dad to vascular at the not very old age of 79, and ten years later the memory still hurts. Eventually he simply forgot how to swallow, and that was what brought on his clinical death in hospital within a matter of weeks. He was fighting it all the way, and he looked terrified. Not something I ever want to see again. But the Alzheimers Society were great sources of support, even though he wasn't 'one of theirs'.

Bless them all, indeed. Where did I put those Power of Attorney forms?

BJ

[redsturgeon]

my mom died in june - aged 100 .

she had dementia the last 3/4 years , fortunately - she was not distressed , and well cared for in a castle vale (birmingham) home.

at her age its not unexpected , but at the home , quite a number were much younger - perhaps in their seventies , and it seems that some get it sooner still .

i thought i would start a dementia topic , but uncertain where to put it , i cant find a health board , so will report this post for clarification.

I think for your topic as it stands then this board is absolutely fine.

For a purely objective discussion of the subject looking at causes, prevention and possible treatments the then Science board would be the right place.

I am truly fortunate in that my parent are both in their mid eighties and are as sharp as pins, although their bodily health is declining slowly. I have had several friend who have lost parents through dementia and it does seem particularly cruel and heartbreaking. It is a very rare person who can keep their marbles into their nineties and beyond and 100 sounds like a fantastic achievement to be celebrated.

John

[jackdaww]

most I see just sit in lounges in front of the TV bored out of their minds seemingly but maybe having dementia is good when they don't know what is happening if that makes sense to anyone?

We lost my dad to vascular at the not very old age of 79, and ten years later the memory still hurts. Eventually he simply forgot how to swallow, and that was what brought on his clinical death in hospital within a matter of weeks.

BJ

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the inability to swallow is a death sentence.

mom hadnt really swallowed much for weeks.

we were then told she was "aspirating" and they would stop all by mouth , rather than her choke.

at this point they normally last 4/5 days.

we were told she was comfortable and not in pain , but the evidence suggested otherwise.

i asked about morphine to ease her last few days , it seems its not unusual to prescribe a fentimol patch .

sadly , due to multiple blunders , the patch arrived 20 mins after death .

this was the worst part of it all , its unforgivable that the last few days of a death sentence cant be more peaceful , for all concerned .

i hope this topic will be of help.

[bungeejumper]

Hi jackdaw, sorry you had to go through the same thing.

mom hadnt really swallowed much for weeks. we were then told she was "aspirating" and they would stop all by mouth , rather than her choke.

As I understand it, UK hospitals don't feed by tube unless there's a realistic chance of recovery. The logic goes that feeding, which was formerly a nursing/maintenance task, has now become an active medical intervention, which is a whole different thing.

But I was greatly comforted during those awful weeks by reading (and having it confirmed to me by the sister) that patients approaching death don't generally experience the hunger as pain. Instead, the body starts producing a chemical (kera-something or other?) which prepares it and allows it to wind down quietly. The same goes as much for animals as it does for us. Pet owners may have witnessed it too.

BJ

[jackdaww]

Hi jackdaw, sorry you had to go through the same thing.

As I understand it, UK hospitals don't feed by tube unless there's a realistic chance of recovery. The logic goes that feeding, which was formerly a nursing/maintenance task, has now become an active medical intervention, which is a whole different thing.

BJ

==============

thats right , we had previously given instructions not to keep mom alive if she had a serious downturn.

she could have been , on a drip or tube , but that would have been in a strange hospital environment, rather than the care home she was comfortable with .

thanks.

[Satsuma]

We are another family watching a much loved lady slip away from us with dementia, although she is currently in pretty good physical shape.

She is mid 90s and has had a great life. What makes my heart break is when her husband of 50+ years is able to visit (he is almost 100% housebound himself) and has to repeatedly remind her that she is his wife, and things like that. I also know he is very lonely at home now. We do our best though.

The other awful thing about this is that some estranged family have come crawling out of the woodwork and are causing much havoc and heartache as they try and get their grubby hands on their inheritance. They will get what they will get now (and I hope they choke on it), it's far too late for any changes to Wills. However schadenfreude kicks in here as her substantial assets are being rapidly spent on her care home fees and there is nothing these leeches can do about it.

Sats

[Lootman]

The other awful thing about this is that some estranged family have come crawling out of the woodwork and are causing much havoc and heartache as they try and get their grubby hands on their inheritance. They will get what they will get now (and I hope they choke on it), it's far too late for any changes to Wills. However schadenfreude kicks in here as her substantial assets are being rapidly spent on her care home fees and there is nothing these leeches can do about it.

Does her Will not benefit her husband in the first instance, with the rest of the family only inheriting upon the death of the second spouse? That is typical with many Wills.

If you have a power of attorney over their affairs, you could spend freely on ensuring every reasonable care and comfort, rather than see that money go to undeserving relatives who have not, like you, been involved in caring for her.

[Satsuma]

Does her Will not benefit her husband in the first instance, with the rest of the family only inheriting upon the death of the second spouse? That is typical with many Wills..

I don't know for sure, it's not my business. It may well do, they were both very savvy with their money. Doesn't stop the cockroaches coming out to see what they can get though

If you have a power of attorney over their affairs, you could spend freely on ensuring every reasonable care and comfort, rather than see that money go to undeserving relatives who have not, like you, been involved in caring for her

Yes her husband has full control (and full faculties) and is indeed giving her the very best care possible. I expect his Will now also reflects the situation.

Sats