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Dealing with a bereavement

A friendly ear
Sussexlad
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Dealing with a bereavement

#41466

Postby Sussexlad » March 26th, 2017, 12:53 pm

Having lost a fourteen year old son nearly thirty years ago, I am concious of how others deal with loss.

Some months ago, completely out of the blue, we received a really sweet message from a classmate at the time, describing how she remembered our boy with affection and would never forget him. She has even talked to her own children about him. We really appreciated her explaining her recollections. I actually felt it was courageous, because no one else would ever mention him.

I only mention this now because there was an item on dealing with bereavement on TV this morning and the woman from a charity made an interesting point. People fear mentioning a loss for fear of raising painful memories. The reality though, is that the person hasn't forgotten! What you're actually doing, is saying that you remember that individual and they meant something to you.

People are often told, 'If your need anything let me know.' They wont. Simply providing the opening for someone to express their feelings is sufficient. They may take you up on it or they may not but that simple act of recognition is a real kindness.

Dod1010
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Re: Dealing with a bereavement

#41509

Postby Dod1010 » March 26th, 2017, 5:45 pm

Sussexlad wrote:Having lost a fourteen year old son nearly thirty years ago, I am concious of how others deal with loss.


That is really not a very helpful statement and it is untrue to boot. I have lost two wives in the last 16 years and I assure you you have not the slightest idea how I cope with my losses. I am not sure I do either.

I agree with the general sentiment though that others do not, on the whole, know what to do and so they tend to ignore the whole issue.

Dod

Sussexlad
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Re: Dealing with a bereavement

#41513

Postby Sussexlad » March 26th, 2017, 6:07 pm

Dod1010 wrote:
Sussexlad wrote:Having lost a fourteen year old son nearly thirty years ago, I am conscious of how others deal with loss.


That is really not a very helpful statement and it is untrue to boot.

Dod


To be fair, I didn't say I knew how everyone dealt with their grief or at least that's not what I intended.

What I was attempting to say was that I am very aware that it a part of many people's lives.

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Re: Dealing with a bereavement

#41576

Postby Clariman » March 27th, 2017, 8:01 am

Sussexlad

Your post was much appreciated by me, not because I have experienced your kind of loss, but it helps to know that others need their loved ones to be remembered.

Clariman

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Re: Dealing with a bereavement

#41637

Postby Aprilfool62 » March 27th, 2017, 12:36 pm

I lost my husband 6 years ago when he was only 52. Initially I had a lot of support and we talked about him freely, but now, the only people who mention him are my children and his own mother. This discomfort in mentioning 'the dead' is understandable but like sussexlad, I am delighted when someone does actually have the courage to talk about him.


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