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He went and did it

A friendly ear
superFoolish
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Re: He went and did it

#68088

Postby superFoolish » July 18th, 2017, 11:10 am

I'm sorry to hear the outcome, and it's no consolation that it's what we would have expected. Life is not fair, and it can take a long time to learn this.

Some people are total sh**s, and it can take a long time to accept that they will never change.

I don't know your niece's circumstances, but the one thing that I would try to get her to understand,is that her father's behaviour is not her fault; it isn't anything that she has done wrong, and he's not doing this to her. If she can see that he treats everyone the same way, then hopefully she will come to learn that he's not treating her this way; it's how he treats everyone, and he's unlikely to change.

tonyreptiles
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Re: He went and did it

#68160

Postby tonyreptiles » July 18th, 2017, 3:38 pm

I know from experience that it is hard to accept that sometimes people will seemingly get away with bad behaviour, and i was, in my youth, compelled to even the score by whatever means necessary.

However, one particular situation helped me to see the issue from a different perspective. I wrote about it on the old TMF site and thought it might be of use to your niece.

Here's the story (where I applied some artistic licence - but it explains the situation well.):

Vengeance
When I was a young and stupid boy living in Birmingham my crazy ex girlfriend decided to try to sleep her way through my address book. She started with my t-shirt designer who told her to pull her pants up. She then tried my mouse breeder who happened to be gay. Then she schmoozed my website designer, who, having a face like a bag of slapped [expletive deleted] was very grateful and dived straight in.

Then he wiped my website.

I was fuming.

I went round to his house and "had a chat" which left me in A & E getting my knuckles stitched up. A few days later I was back there again getting said stitches re-stitched after his brothers came to see me. Luckilly as I'm a bit of a boxer they didn't manage to get a punch in and so did no damage to my pretty little fizog. They went away with their tail between their legs and their teeth in their pockets, but I spent another day in A & E. I was pissed off to say the least.

I was fuming.

I was ready to solve the situation with a flame-thrower.

So, the next day I went to see my friend. I have some pretty mental friends as you may guess and Rie is as out-there as they get. She works as security for rock bands and knows some people who know some people who have done some pretty bad things. In her spare time she's a practicing pagan/white witch/general hippy weird chick. She's got an alter and a broom and and everything!

I told her the story and asked her advice about what terrible fate should befall the slack knickered ex of mine.

"Nothing" she replied.

"You what?!" I retorted "Nothing!? She's cost me money! She's slandered my name. She tried to get me done over! She tripped up my website designer and was under him before he hit the ground! She needs a lesson!"

"Do nothing!" said Rie.

"I want her done!" I shouted.

"Grow up you fool!" said Rie "Its a website. It's a slapper. No-one wants to know."

"Ok, well. Put a spell on her then." I resigned "You're a witch, you do spells! Curse the cow!"

"Now you're talking!" she said and we made an arrangement to meet up the next day to discuss the process.

As the next day arrived I came armed with some of the said top tarts hairs that I got from the shower plug socket. (Stop laughing, I don't know what you need for a pagan spell!)

"Curses ain't easy!" said Rie. "You're gonna need some perseverance"
"You have to meditate and chant for three hours a day for the next 40 days and 40 nights"

Gulp!

"Then, you have to find the grave of her relative and urinate on it"

Urgh!

"Only after you have done that can you start the curse!"

(What there's more?)

"Yes, then we can start the curse process, this bit will take some time"

"Woa Woa Woa!" I said. "The bloody preliminaries are taking enough time as it is. I don't have time for chanting and pissing and stuff."

Rie smiles

"Here, can't you just take this hair and burn it or something?" I was getting a bit frustrated by now.

"Surely there's an easier way?" I begged.

"Yes!" said Rie.

"WHAT!" I exasperated

"Do nothing." she replied.

GAHHHHHHH! My mind was racing now. I could feed chocolate laxative to her dog through her letterbox. I could put superglue in her car locks. I could shag her mate. (OK so so you couldn't punch clay any uglier than her mate, but I knew it would piss her off)

"DO NOTHING!" said Rie looking deep into my eyes.
The damn witch was putting a spell on me....I knew it!

"Just leave them to it. That's the good thing about magic. It works all on its own. Yeah, you could spend ages beating up every known associate; or I could have her snuffed for a couple of K, or you could put a spell on her or we could start a hate mail campaign. But it all takes time an effort son. Time and effort that could be put to better use."

"But she's gotten away with it then!" I pouted.

"No she hasn't. You see -magic works on its own. When she bedded the internet geek, SHE CURSED HERSELF! SHE DID ALL THE WORK FOR YOU!"

"Uh?" I said. (I was a bit thick in those days)

"Well what kind of life do you think a person like that has? Do you think she's happy? Do you think she is fulfilled. Do you think people will value her? Do you think she'll ever be as loved and respected as you are? No way! How bad a curse does she need for goodness sake? She's gonna be unhappy, unloved and wasted for the rest of her life. And she's gonna do it all to herself."

"Oh I see!" I said enlightened.

"Now go my child. Be happy. Fulfil your destiny and open your soul to the love that this world feels for you."

(She could be a right hippy sometimes)

"And one more thing!" said Rie as I was leaving

"What?" I asked

"That website was [expletive deleted] anyway...it's better off wiped. I'll do you a new one for free, how's that?"

And so the spell was cast.

PingPong
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Re: He went and did it

#68239

Postby PingPong » July 18th, 2017, 9:46 pm

Hi Tony,

I know exactly what you are saying. I do not crave confrontation. I always avoid it. Nor do I wish ill towards people. It's a complete waste of emotional energy.

I have not seen my brother in over 8 years and I have no intention of breaking that run, seeking revenge or doing something stupid. I was simply trying to do my best by my Niece.

It is easy for me to move on. I did not lose my brother when Mum died, I lost my brother a long time ago when he first stole from me. He went through my drawers, stole a gold ring and took my building society book to town and took 750 1984 pounds out of my account. He left me the 1 pound and a few pennies.

He has wanted shiny things all his life and was not bothered about how he went about obtaining them or who he stole money from to get them. Ultimately all these things slip through your fingers and you are left with nothing and nobody. If there isn't another victim on the horizon then you really do have nothing. And now he has no-where to turn to. He cannot go home to Mum & Dad anymore and nobody else will have him. I'm not gloating about it, simply stating a fact. I wish none of this happened, all the way back to where it started many years ago.

But you can't go back, the clock turns one way and we all must live with our guilts and broken promises and bad decisions. The things you have done and things you left undone. But there are consequences to our serious mistakes and he must now go and lie in the bed he made. I will do nothing against him but equally I do not wish him back in my life either. Turn the page and move on.

I'm a heartless so and so.

Ping Pong

tonyreptiles
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Re: He went and did it

#68426

Postby tonyreptiles » July 19th, 2017, 5:26 pm

I don't think so. I believe you have it about right. I just hope your niece can rationalise it in a similarly philosophical way and I hope she can look back on it in years to come and realise she learned an invaluable lesson - and quite cheaply too!

All the best
TR

PingPong
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Re: He went and did it

#68687

Postby PingPong » July 20th, 2017, 8:35 pm

tonyreptiles wrote:I don't think so. I believe you have it about right. I just hope your niece can rationalise it in a similarly philosophical way and I hope she can look back on it in years to come and realise she learned an invaluable lesson - and quite cheaply too!

All the best
TR


Let's just say that I have a little more experience of him and know where to draw the line in the sand.
It still smarts a bit that his first assault on the cash machine was the day that Mum died.
That's pretty low.

Thanks for your input.
My thanks to everyone.

Ping Pong

Clitheroekid
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Re: He went and did it

#68696

Postby Clitheroekid » July 20th, 2017, 9:50 pm

PingPong wrote:Just heard today the Police are not going to prosecute. Not in the public interest.

I can well understand your niece may not want to take it any further, but for the sake of completeness I should point out that it's possible to request a review of a decision not to prosecute.

If the decision was made by the police then the request would be to the local police service. If it was made after consultation with the CPS then the request should be made to them.

More details here - http://www.cps.gov.uk/victims_witnesses ... to_review/

However, although I've no idea what percentage of requests succeed in getting a change of mind I would bet it's in low single figures.

You should also be aware that it's possible to bring a private prosecution , though it's not for the faint-hearted.

I don't know how these things are decided, but suspect they (CPS?) have concluded that there is little realistic chance of recovering the money.

That's bound to be a consideration, but it shouldn't be an important one, as it's confusing civil justice with criminal justice.

The problem of actually recovering the money is one for the civil courts, which provide a mechanism to sue him. However, the prime concern of the criminal justice system should be punishment for wrongdoing rather than seeking restoration. After all, it would hardly be reasonable to decide not to prosecute the Great Train Robbers just because they'd spent all the loot!

vrdiver
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Re: He went and did it

#68700

Postby vrdiver » July 20th, 2017, 10:03 pm

PingPong wrote:Let's just say that I have a little more experience of him and know where to draw the line in the sand.
It still smarts a bit that his first assault on the cash machine was the day that Mum died.
That's pretty low.

Thanks for your input.
My thanks to everyone.

Ping Pong


Which brings up the thorny issue of his future return into your niece's life.

Whilst not wanting to deliberately set out to poison her mind against her father, she probably needs to know he's got form on this, including those nearest and dearest to him all through his life, so not only was this not an act against her, but that he hasn't changed in xxx years and is unlikely to do so in the future. Should he come back (fast forward to when she has her own front door and he needs a place to stay) she needs to be mentally prepared on what she wants to do about it. Knowing his character will help her protect herself from what will be, in any case, an emotional minefield.


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