The Lemon Fool

I have been particularly miserable of late. The old black dog paying a visit.
I have begun to hate Christmas with a passion. I have never got over losing Mum and Dad and I feel so lost and alone.
There are so many factors at work, so may pressures and little things that add up to a monster pile.

I have exceptionally bad neighbours, loud shouting and swearing and drug use with the smell invading my property. The housing association will not do naything, environmental health will not do anything, the police won't do anything. All I've done by complaining is make my house worth less. The victim gets punished. Just like when your car gets broken into this house no longer feels like my home - it's a prison. And I don't have another home to go to. I cannot escapr back to my roots because my roots are gone. I can't leacve and go 'home'. I've gopt a house but I'm homeless. I have nowhere to go to, no escape. I wish i could just walk out the door and go, i don't carwe where.

I don'tthink I've ever felt so laone in my life.

Last night I went to a birthday party at a horrible gastropub. For the first time in ages I had a panic attack and I had to leave before I'd even started eating. I spent my night in the car park staring at the dimly lit horizon. I couldn't even look at the pub never mind go in it. I'm not claustrophobic, I just spent 12 hours on a plane. But you don't have to talk to anyone on a plane. No demand on you.

I'm working every day through christmas and new year and i'm on call for the days i cannot work. I just want it over, middle of jna fast forward please.
All I do is crythese days.

Oh Pingpong

I feel for you although I am on my own I actually enjoy it so excuse me if I seem insensitive or uncaring, I don't intend to be.

Do try to look for things that you like to do, even if it's watching TV or looking for thing on your computer, anything to take your mind off the way you are feeling. Please think about contacting one of the many sites, telephone numbers which are there to let you talk to another human being, non-judgmental and able to offer you comfort.

Finally, forget it's Christmas, a bit weird I know, but as you get older, if there are no kids about, it is much less important. Just because everyone seems happy does NOT mean you HAVE to be. Wallow if you want to but try to be a little more positive when you come out of it.

If this doesn't help or upsets you ignore it.

Best wishes.

Hi PingPong

Your housing situation sounds horrible and sadly I do not have an answer. It's appalling that some people can be so anti-social and yet be allowed to get away with it, to the detriment of other people's lives.

As for feeling alone, I don't think that's as rare or as an unpopular choice as the media would have us believe. Everything has be treated as an illness these days, with 'experts' always explaining where we're going wrong! Although there's the two of us, which I appreciate makes a big difference, I have little or no interest in the festivities and could quite happily forego the invites and fast-forward to January like you. If that makes me sound like Scrooge, so be it.

I find my solace in music and I wonder if that's something you could enjoy. I've just come across an Irish singer called Muireann Nic Amhlaoibh - no idea how you say it, even after hearing it said. They speak too fast. Check out "Muireann Nic Amhlaoibh and Michael Rooney- Scoil Cheoil na Botha 2008". That led me onto another Irish singer Tommy Fleming, who I'd never heard of before. They may not float your boat of course but there is something about the Irish spirit. Another favourite of mine, though Scottish, is Julie Fowlis.

I hope the next few days pass peacefully and that the new year can bring you more cheer.

Sussexlad

Sussexlad wrote:I've just come across an Irish singer called Muireann Nic Amhlaoibh - no idea how you say it, even after hearing it said.

Sorry to slightly hijack a very sensitive thread but it is pronounced Murr-en Nick Owl-eve.

Maroochydore wrote:

Sussexlad wrote:I've just come across an Irish singer called Muireann Nic Amhlaoibh - no idea how you say it, even after hearing it said.

Sorry to slightly hijack a very sensitive thread but it is pronounced Murr-en Nick Owl-eve.

Thank you for that.

Sussexlad