The Lemon Fool

Snorvey wrote:Then it surfaced and quacked. Turns out it was a ducks bottom.

AleisterCrowley wrote:I'm heading to otter country mid-August (well, Ottery St Mary area, not sure if there are any otters in those parts. I will be near the River Tale which is a tributary of the River Otter)

AleisterCrowley wrote:I'm heading to otter country mid-August (well, Ottery St Mary area, not sure if there are any otters in those parts. I will be near the River Tale which is a tributary of the River Otter)

MARTIN: OK: so as long as we average at least eleven miles an hour, we should get to Ottery St Mary by six.
DOUGLAS: Well, it’s a punishing pace but I think I’m up to it.
ARTHUR: Why’s it called that, then, Skip?
MARTIN: What?
ARTHUR: Ottery St Mary.
MARTIN: I’ve no idea.
ARTHUR: Do you know, Douglas?
DOUGLAS: Yes.
MARTIN: Do you?
DOUGLAS: Certainly I do. You see, St Mary is the patron saint of Devon and she, of course, was famously martyred by being eaten alive by otters.
ARTHUR: Really?
DOUGLAS: Oh yes – rabid otters. So she’s always portrayed in pictures absolutely covered in otters.
ARTHUR: What, eating her?
DOUGLAS: Sometimes, in the more fire and brimstone churches. Elsewhere, the assumption is they’re all in heaven now and have made up, so they’re just shown milling about her, nuzzling her affectionately and offering her ottery kisses and gifts of haddock.
MARTIN: Douglas ...
ARTHUR: Why would the otters go to heaven if they ate a saint?
DOUGLAS: You’ve put your finger, Arthur, as is so often your way, on the crux of a thorny theological problem. So far, our best guess is simply that St Peter’s got a real soft spot for otters. He looks into those whiskery faces and goes, (in an affectionate voice) “You guys! I can’t stay mad at you!” and lets them into heaven.
ARTHUR: So heaven is full of otters!
DOUGLAS: More than you can possibly imagine.
MARTIN: So, in your case, Arthur, probably be about twelve.
ARTHUR: Hey, I can imagine loads of otters!
DOUGLAS: Really? How many?
ARTHUR: A million!
DOUGLAS: You see, I don’t think you can. I don’t think anyone can.
ARTHUR: I can. I’m doing it now! (Long pause) Wow!
DOUGLAS: No, you’re just imagining a lot of otters and then saying that’s a million. I don’t think anyone can actually genuinely imagine more than about twenty otters at a time.
MARTIN: Oh, come on. I mean, I can definitely imagine a hundred otters.
ARTHUR: Mmm, me too, yellow car.
DOUGLAS: All right. How much space do they take up?
MARTIN: Er ...
DOUGLAS: Could you, for instance, get a hundred otters on board Gerti?
MARTIN: Yes, I reckon you could.
DOUGLAS: And is it a jam-packed RSPCA-nightmare of a plane, or are the otters lounging in relative comfort?
MARTIN: Well, OK, there’s, er, there’s sixteen seats, so, say, two to a seat.
DOUGLAS: They’re good friends, these otters?
MARTIN: Let’s hope so. Then one in each overhead compartment ...
DOUGLAS: Always remembering to open them with care because otters may have shifted during the flight.
ARTHUR: And, er, one under each seat?
DOUGLAS: Yes! Good thinking.
MARTIN: But that’s where the lifejackets are.
DOUGLAS: That’s all right – otters can swim. Now, how many in the galley?
MARTIN: Er, four on the floor, two on the worktops? Well, it depends – are we carrying Carolyn and Arthur?
DOUGLAS: To wait on the otters? I think that would be an indulgence, frankly. I think we’d be better off replacing them with more otters.
MARTIN: Might be better off replacing Arthur with an otter anyway!
ARTHUR (indignantly): Hey!
DOUGLAS: So, thirty-two in the seats, sixteen in the overhead lockers, sixteen under the seats, six in the galley ...
MARTIN: ... fifteen in the hold?
DOUGLAS: Oh, twenty easily; and six or seven in the aisle.
MARTIN: Call it seven.
DOUGLAS: That’s, what, ninety-seven; and three in the flight deck. A hundred!
ARTHUR: Brilliant!
MARTIN: No. Not in the flight deck.
DOUGLAS: Hypothetically, though ...
MARTIN: I don’t care how hypothetical it is, I’m not flying with a live otter in the flight deck.
DOUGLAS: I don’t see why not. Historically, very few hijackings have been carried out by otters.
MARTIN: Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t think the Civil Aviation Authority would be too keen on the idea.
DOUGLAS: To be quite honest with you, Captain, I don’t think there’s a whole lot about this plane full of unsupervised otters the CAA is going to love.

stewamax wrote:Python fans may remember Mr Pither's Cycling Tour (Cf Adrian Mole or Mr Pooter):

Cycling along, dips out of sight, there is a crash and a cow moos.

Pither: Aug. 26th. Fell off near Ottery St. Mary. The pump caught in my trouser leg. Decide to wear short trousers from now on.

Cut to another hedgerow. Pither's head bowling along. Short burst of music. Crash.

Pither: Fell off near Tiverton. Perhaps a shorter pump is the answer.

etc

jackdaww wrote:

stewamax wrote:Python fans may remember Mr Pither's Cycling Tour (Cf Adrian Mole or Mr Pooter):

Cycling along, dips out of sight, there is a crash and a cow moos.

Pither: Aug. 26th. Fell off near Ottery St. Mary. The pump caught in my trouser leg. Decide to wear short trousers from now on.

Cut to another hedgerow. Pither's head bowling along. Short burst of music. Crash.

Pither: Fell off near Tiverton. Perhaps a shorter pump is the answer.

etc

=====================================

magic .

i remember the the theme music , but not its name - possibly schubert , or some opera DAK? .

Snorvey wrote:There's an otter that's taken up residence in our local town boating pond and today I thought I had spotted it.

Ok, I had no specs on but from afar it looked like what I thought an otter should look like. Then it surfaced and quacked.

Turns out it was a ducks bottom.

Don't die on us yet Mr Attenborough. I'm not ready to take your place yet.

BrummieDave wrote:This is all either cute to watch or a fine example of evolution, depending on your point of view.

Snorvey wrote:There's an otter that's taken up residence in our local town boating pond and today I thought I had spotted it.

Ok, I had no specs on but from afar it looked like what I thought an otter should look like. Then it surfaced and quacked.

Turns out it was a ducks bottom..

AleisterCrowley wrote:I've seen a leaver leaving