Strictly - Nobody Wants.....

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Second scoring week and this week the public get to vote and somebody will be the first to leave., although they won’t want to. Within 2 minutes, Tess kindly confirms that nobody wants to be the first to leave. Darcey must have annoyed the hairdresser as there can be no other explanation for her Bride of Frankenstein hairstyle. Claudia is not wearing black, but very dark blue. Shirley’s earrings look like deadly weapons.

Stacey & Kevin (Cha-cha). This is quite good, though Stacey gets pulled around a bit by Kevin. Bruno tells her she is inconsistent. 4,5,6,6 for 20 points which is lower than last week.

Charles & Karen (Quickstep). Just when I was beginning to warm to this couple, Tess tells us they refer to themselves as Team 12pack. Hopefully this name relates to their post-show drinking habits. Charles is also going all third-person on us. His dancing is quite smooth and this goes well apart from a bit of a mess near the end. Shirley says she thought the mistake was Karen’s, and Karen doesn’t agree if the look on her face is anything to go by. 5,6,7,7 for 25 points.

Katie & Gorka (Paso). Sadly, Katie doesn’t have a musical bone in her body and is just doing poses without understanding why and walking, rather than dancing. This is just a terrible mess. Craig tells the truth, calling it stompy, with no shaping, and plankish. The other judges try to be nicer, but it’s difficult to come up with positive things without lying outright and Katie looks a bit stricken. 2,4,3,4 for 13 points.

Graeme & Oti (American Smooth). This dance is usually a good chance for dancers to make their celebs look good, but Oti’s choreography here is really disappointing. There’s no flow to this, some odd moves, and worst of all, Graeme is there. It seems he can only do a few moves and Oti has got to fit them in somehow. Graeme’s posture is panned, and Bruno says he invented a new dance – the American Clumpy. Behind the fixed-teeth grimace, Graeme is not a happy bunny at all. 3,5,3,4 for 15 points.

Kate & Aljaz (Tango). Newsreader Kate looks to have had a hair and face transplant this week to create her tango look. She’s very intense, looks strong and solid and this is an impressively performed routine. I don’t think she’s a natural dancer, but she’s really committing to the dances. Shirley stands to applaud her. 6,7,7,7 for 27 points.

Joe & Dianne (Charleston). Joe used to thatch roofs for a living before making the logical career change into YouTube star, so naturally the VT has them doing some thatching. The routine is quite energetic by Joe, but Diane is doing all the tricky stuff. Judges go overboard with praise and marking, scoring 7,8,8,8 for 31 points.

Susannah & Anton (Foxtrot). 90 seconds of Susannah being dragged around by a top-hatted Anton, though she does try a few steps. Dry ice around their feet, but this routine needed far more dry ice. Dance disaaaaaster, darling. Darcey says Susannah shouldn’t glaze over. Susannah does appear to be half-asleep through all this. 1,4,4,3 for 12 points.

Lee & Nadija (Jive). They do a 50’s routine, with Nadija as a waitress and Lee doing a passable young Elvis impersonation, complete with big quiff. He messes it up a bit, but it’s generally good. Dancing to "Blue Suede Shoes" so experienced Strictly watchers will easily be able to guess both the colour and material used for Lee's shoes. He takes the opportunity to pull a large number of faces, and reminds me of Lee Evans this week. Judges note that he got tired towards the end. 6,7,6,7, for 26.

Danny & Amy (Cha-cha). This is a strange routine. Amy does lots of really sharp cha-cha moves, while on the other side of the dance floor, Danny does his moves which look quite different in style to Amy’s. They only get together briefly at odd intervals, and it just looks like 2 dancers who happen to be on the dancefloor, rather than a partnership. Bruno partly gives the game away about Danny being a ringer when he says that Danny almost messed up his spin and he’s been teaching them for 25 years. 7,7,7,7 for 28 points.

Vick & Graziano (Waltz). Vick tells us how her confidence has been knocked by the judges’ comments and ropes in her entire family to give her a pep talk, and also to let us know that Vick has always liked to be the centre of attention. We’d already guessed that! Vick shows off her ballet training at first, does a bit of waltz, then a few more ballet moves. Dull but not too bad. Judges tell her that maybe she could become a Ballroom Queen, and you can tell that Vick would much rather be Latin Queen because that’s cooler. 7,7,6,7 for a generous 27.

Ranj & Janette (Salsa). Wardrobe department have taken revenge for something this couple did by giving Ranj a very unflattering red/black costume and giving Janette a costume that unravels halfway through, although like a true pro she manages to overcome this. Sunglasses needed for this routine to counteract the glare from this couple’s brilliant white teeth. Craig tells them they needed more basic samba. 5,6,7,6 for 24.

Faye & Giovanni (Viennese Waltz). Wardrobe might not like Ranj & Janette, but they love Faye & Giovanni, giving her a scarlet dress, and this routine is very dramatic, like a Tango/Paso/Waltz cross, which Faye performs very well. Best dance of the night so far. Craig will surely love the choreography, and indeed he does, going so far as to reproach Shirley for being negative about the lack of heel leads. 8,8,7,8 for 31.

Lauren & AJ (Charleston). The black fringe quite suits Lauren and this looks quite good, though the big lift is a little wobbly. Judges seem a bit harsh on her, and scores are 5,6,5,6 for 22.

Seann & Katya (Jive). Routine starts with Seann telling a bad joke, and Katya leaping up from the audience to support him by dancing with him. Unfortunately, Seann would have done better to stick to the bad jokes as it all goes horribly wrong. There are a few places where they stop, and Katya has to count him back into the routine, and he’s just way off time and he knows it’s all going wrong. Bruno sums it up best by paraphrasing from Morecambe & Wise “All the right steps were there, just not at the right time”. Song was “I’m Still Standing” but only just at the end of that. Craig and Darcey both say “Pass” when asked for positive comments, and Shirley has a good line saying just “I like your hair” getting a big laugh and a hug from Seann. Warming more to Seann for taking this disaster in good fun. 2,4,4,5 for 15 points.

Ashley & Pasha (Cha-cha). Ashley has her US mom come over to support her, and mom looks to be better than daughter when she has a go with Pasha. This dance must surely be right up Ashley’s street, and indeed it is, with a very confident and accomplished performance. Shirley has a small point about not straightening her legs enough, which affects her flow. “Flow” could be Shirley’s word for this series. 8,8,7,9 for 32.

After 2 weeks of scoring, Ashley is top and Susannah is well adrift at the bottom of the table. No real idea who’ll be in the bottom 2, but I’ll predict Seann and Vik. Wouldn’t be surprised if Graeme was there though, and certainly wouldn’t miss him. I’d like to see Seann stay a while longer.

RESULTS SHOW

After a good moody opening dance from the pros, it’s time for a quick recap of the dances with a bit of backstage reaction. Seann tries a high-five with Katya and misses, telling us how this shows it’s not really his night. Claudia is not in black yet again, wearing a silver dress that makes her look like Barbarella’s mum.

Time to reveal who is through to next week, and who is Fighting For Survival (FFS). Katie is first through and is happily shocked, then Charles, Faye, Joe, a delighted Seann and ecstatic Katya and then Tess announces the first to be FFS is….to be revealed after we’ve had a little chat with the judges. That’s a bit mean. Anyway, Susannah and Anton haven’t been put through early, so it seems odds-on they’ll be in the DDO shortly followed by getting in their respective taxis.

More names through – Danny, Lauren, Vick, Ranj and then the first in the DDO – and it’s Lee! That’s a bit of a shock in one way as they weren’t that low down the leaderboard, but in another way not that surprising that someone in the middle has dropped into the bottom two. Lee seems pretty stunned, and Nadija is clearly thinking “all this smiling I am having to do to pretend to be so nice, and still I am getting in the bottom two”.

After the tension of the results, it’s time to relax with something utterly bland, and George Ezra singing fits the bill nicely.

Yet more results (you forget just how many celebs there are at first) and the remaining egos are more tightly stretched than ever as they await their Fate. Ashley and Stacey go through, then Graeme and finally Kate, leaving Susannah in the bottom two, which shows that Anton maybe isn’t Mr. Popular anymore. He’s not happy.

Tess tells Craig he’s given her just 1 point on both weeks, so now is the time to say something nice. He tells Susannah she’s the sort of person at the heart of Strictly, a non-dancer who’s brave enough to have a bash of live TV in front of 12 million viewers and to just relax and enjoy her dance.
Claudia interviews the plucky survivors. Graeme says if he’d been in the DDO, he wasn’t worried for himself, but worried on behalf of his children who’d get bullied in school (oh, come on) and for his wife who’d be cold-shouldered in Safeway or some such nonsense. He tells Claudia he never wants to go through anything like that again, and she replies that she doesn’t know what to tell him about next week’s show! Graeme then gets all emotional.

Susannah is a bit better, but you can see Nadija’s teeth gleaming in the background as she realises how easy it is to get through to next week. Lee improves a lot and gives a really impressive performance. Who will the judges pick? Tess tells them they have to make their decision, and Nadija gives Lee a very smug smile that says “We have absolutely nothing to worry about competing against the old lady”. Craig correctly calls the decision a no-brainer and Susannah is out. Both Susannah and Anton say nice things about each other, although the phrase "friends for life" is conspicious by its absence. I’m pleased really for her as otherwise there would have been more weeks for her of being the butt of Anton’s comedy routines, and I'm not sure she was ever really in on the joke. It’ll also make it more interesting for future weeks in the DDO which will actually get properly competitive.

Movie Week next week.

So far, I like Rani and Faye, and admire Kate's determination. Hoping Graeme will be out soon (even though it means losing Oti) and not keen on Vick either.

Who's your favourite and who's not?