Strictly - Blackpool!

[zico]

Gloria Estefan kicks off the show with a medley of her Miami Sound Machine hits and demonstrates an impressive ability to sing in a completely different key to the one Dave Arch’s orchestra are using. As they’re somewhere posh this week, Tess and Claudia mark the occasion with glittery frocks, while Shirley’s dress restricts her to tiny steps, and makes her look like a character out of the "Mikado".

Stacey & Kevin (Salsa). Stacey descends from the ceiling on a giant stick of rock, landing next to a large ceramic donkey. Initially she looks to be getting pulled about a bit by the inevitable Blackpool backing dancers, but then really finds her feet, and produces a really good routine. Kevin has given her a couple of spots where she’s in front of Kevin and the 78 backing dancers, so if she goes off-time, it’ll look terrible – but happily, Stacey is bang on time. When she gets it right, she looks great. Enjoyed that, good fun to start the show. Craig tells Stacey she has great hip action, but needs to watch her legs in lifts. 7,8,9,9 for 33 points.

Lauren & AJ (Argentine Tango). To get Lauren in the mood for this dance, obviously they go diving with sharks, though the scaredy-cats use a cage for the dive. Bonus points from me for having no backing dancers. Lauren is never going to do passion and sultriness, but she really focuses, and uses her athleticism well. Quite impressed by that. Unfortunately the judges aren’t impressed. Bruno says it’s like watching a little girl grow up before our eyes, but then says she lacks emotion and flow. Craig talks about looseness of leg, and uses his dreaded word, stompy. 5,6,7,7 for 25 points. That’s harsh on a normal week, doubly so for Blackpool.

Graeme & Oti (Theatre style). Oh look, here’s Graeme’s kids. Now Graeme is telling us how it’s all for his kids. Maybe we’ll just hear lots more about Graeme’s kids and not bother with an actual routine? They dance to “Trolley Song” from “Meet me in St.Louis, but the routine quickly nips over to cockerney old London, Mary Poppins and a touch of the Dick Van Dykes. Graeme wields a bowler hat and brolly for his routine, which is a variety of funny walks and mannerisms so this plays to his strengths. Oti’s outfit is like a Southern Belle version of Mary Poppins. I’m quite impressed by Graeme’s performance, but Mrs.Zico is a theatre aficionado, and says the routine is very simply, adding crushingly “Even you could have done that routine”. OK, I stand corrected. Craig says Graeme has naivety and child-like lines, but Darcey says she was convinced by Graeme. Bruno says he thinks the West End will be calling soon (though if they do, it’ll be only to get their brolly and bowler hat returned). 7,8,8,9 (!) for a bonkers 32 points.

Faye & Giovanni (Paso). Giovanni has somehow managed to get a pair of black tights to cover all his body, although it’s a bit translucent on his upper half. He’s literally playing with fire, as there are fiery torches and he’s playing with them. Faye has the world’s worst hairstyle ever, combining Chris Waddle’s mullet with Ena Sharples’ hairnet in there somewhere. Faye gives it plenty of aggression, but no real paso shaping, and the whole thing doesn’t seem to fit together well, being a bit ludicrously over the top, even for a paso. After weeks of gentle sniping at Faye, Shirley goes all positive and ends up saying “brilliant”. 9,9,10,10 for 38 points and proper Blackpool overmarking.

Kate & Aljaz (American Smooth). The way they are dressed it looks like old-style Hollywood glamour, but they do a foxtrot to a 60’s pop song and nothing seems to gel here. Kate is smiling gamely, but her dress is heavily strapped at the shoulder, so maybe she’s nursing an injury. Surely the judges must think this is a bit of a mess. They do. Craig says she lost energy and the lifts were graceless. Darcey says “Don’t grab him in the lifts” while Shirley says gnomically “Take a chance, open your legs”. 7,7,8,8 for 30 points.

Charles & Karen (Samba). Karen sends Charles off on his own on a rollercoaster for the always entertaining footage of someone looking petrified on the Big Dipper. This should suit Charles, and it really does. He delivers a textbook samba, loads of bounce and lots of party attitude, and it’s great fun to watch. Unfortunately for him, there’s a bit where he dances with the male pros and you can see their movement is even better than this. Doesn’t stop Bruno saying “You were indistinguishable from the male pros”. Craig talks about a plethora of abdominals, while Darcey likes that he showed us his masculinity (stop sniggering at the back) and praises his natural flow. 9,9,10,10 for 38 points. Charles and Karen celebrate wildly at having scored far more than their trademark 25 points, and Karen gets teary as it’s the first 10 she’s ever scored.

Joe & Dianne (Quickstep). We meet Joe’s famous ex-dancing Nan. Tess invites her to be all showbizzy and gushing, but Nan’s having none of it. Tess “You must be so thrilled about all this”. Nan “I suppose it’s alright”. Shirley is on her feet applauding – hang on Shirl, Joe hasn’t started his dance yet. With slicked hair and tails, and his thin frame, Joe looks surprisingly like Fred Astaire – until he starts dancing at least. Actually, he’s pretty good here, but somehow I just get bored with the routine, and think about how best to rearrange my sock drawer. Craig says he needs to broaden his lines out of hold and Darcey says oh, my goodness. Shirley tells him he did his Nan proud, and Joe tries to hide his emotion. 8,10,10,10 for 38 points. Three tens seems a bit excessive for that, but what do I know.

Ashley & Pasha (Jive). Last couple on, and as nobody has yet been made to eat fish’n’chips, you know they’ve drawn the short straw. Cunningly, they decide to work behind a fish’n’chip counter to avoid having to eat any. Pasha is wearing an abbatoir’s apron, which is revealed to be actually a chippy apron for Ashley & Pasha’s pretend chippy. Lots of time wasted at the time, while Ash & Pash make pretend chips, then jive over to serve them to pretend customers, but then once they get started, it’s very good indeed. Really good and entertaining routine to finish, and Ashley seems to be upping her game now. Darcey says “oh, my goodness”, Craig says “Fab-u-lous” and Shirley praises the technical content, so we know what’s coming next. Craig takes an age to get his paddle out, but it’s a 10 which means a perfect 40.

Though she's rock-bottom on the leaderboard, I expect Lauren to get a big public sympathy vote after the harsh marking, so it’s hard to see past Graeme and Kate for the dance-off, unless one of the better dancers is surprisingly unpopular.

Results Show

We start with a pro routine where Giovanni and Graziano do comedy dance fighting, which gives Graziano the chance to show us another 125 facial expressions from his extensive repertoire. Tess is in a gold-ish shimmery dress, while Claudia has gone for Bet Lynch patterns. Results are in and Charles is through first, then Ashley, Lauren before Graeme is first in the dance-off. Bruno once again advises him to do exactly the same as he did the first time.

Musical interlude from Take That, who seem to be have fewer people in their line-up every time I see them. They use their own backing dancers, and unfortunately their own song, which is dire. More results, Joe and Stacey go through, so last position is between Faye and Kate. Could Faye be in trouble? No, it’s Kate. This dance-off could be quite close, but Kate dances as if she’s quite happy to go out in style at the Blackpool ballroom, so it’s an easy decision for the judges to put Graeme through. I’ve enjoyed watching Kate and reckon her injury is probably a lot worse than she’s letting on. She certainly doesn’t use it as an excuse.

[dionaeamuscipula]

Kate tore her rib ligaments. I did that (or at least an opposition prop did it for me) and it was two weeks of searing pain and it finished me as a front row.

Mrs Zico is correct.

DM