Strictly - Grand Final

[zico]

Apologies for the belated write-up on this one, but hopefully, it's better late than never.

Grand Final, featuring Ashley, Stacey, Faye and Joe. Only the public vote counts so after 3 rounds of dances tonight, the public will vote for their favourite, which is either the celebs with the biggest Journey (i.e. Stacey), or with the biggest fanbase (Joe). As the judges’ scores don’t count, they won’t need to take their normal thoughtful and conservative approach to marking, so to save space, I’ll only give judges’ scores when they aren’t 10’s. Good news for Ashley is that after a month of dance-offs, at least she won’t be in the dance-off this week, but her chances of winning tonight are slightly lower than Elvis returning in an alien spacecraft.

We kick off with a pro dance with our finalists somewhere in amongst the crowd of dancers. Claudia has a tasteful sparkly blue trouser suit, while Tess is playing it safe with a simple white toga-style dress. Joe promised to dye his hair Dianne-red if he reached the final, and he’s made good on his promise, and it doesn’t look a bad colour on him.

Round 1 – Judges’ Picks

This is the round where the judges pick a routine from the early weeks, and say “that was a bit iffy last time, try not to muck it up as much this time round” or if it’s Darcey, saying “I know you can be even more fabulous than before”. To do this, they summon each contestant in front of the judges in a disco somewhere, where by some trick of photography, everyone looks about 7 feet tall. They also have a huge TV screen to show the name of the chosen dance. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just phone the couples up and say “You’re doing Salsa”?

Ashley & Pasha (Salsa). They are repeating the Dirty Dancing routine with the big aeroplane lift. Ashley wobbled a bit with this last time, but is much steadier here. This is claimed to be a salsa, but I didn’t notice an awful lot of salsa in there and it looks a lot like a showdance with all the lifts. Craig says “a-ma-zing” so we already know tonight’s first (but surely not the last) perfect score of 40 is on its way. Great start for Ashley – will it win her a place in the public’s heart? Somehow I doubt it.

Stacey & Kevin (Foxtrot). They do a routine in 60’s costumes based on Kevin’s motorbike breaking down near Grimsby. This is pretty straightforward stuff for a final, but they do it well. Craig tells them it was absolutely gorgeous, and Shirley talks about Stacey’s Magnificent Journey. Kevin says the Strictly final is the biggest night of the year, though I seem to recall another important date in late December that also gets a fair bit of attention. Craig scores 9 for 39 points.

Faye & Giovanni (Viennese Waltz). Faye is in a crimson dress and they do a dramatic routine to “It’s a Man’s World”. This dance seems to be about two lovers having a barney, so has more of a tango/paso feel, but at least it’s not the usual boring sugary waltz stuff. Enjoyed that a lot. Darcey says Faye is the best ballroom dancer in the whole competition. Shirley has her reading glasses out to read a week 2 quote from an unnamed fellow judge (probably Bruno) “Don’t listen to Shirley, as it’s too early to worry about technique” before making the point that technique is fundamental to doing anything well. 40 for Faye.

Joe & Dianne (Paso). This routine was a bit disappointing last time out, and it’s still a bit disappointing. You can see Joe is trying his best, but it’s pretty clear that Dianne is leading this routine. Shirley is standing and clapping at the end. Darcey comes up with her first “oh, my goodness” of the night, and Shirley tells us all that Joe has literally never danced a day in his life before (is she hinting, unlike that secret pro dancer Stacey?). Craig says the shape was a bit forced but loves Joe’s commitment. 9 from Craig to give them 39.

After the first round, it’s very clear that Joe is the weakest dancer, but I reckon each contestant will have pleased their respective fanbase (though in Ashley’s case, her fanbase may be just her and about 50% of the other Pussycat Dolls).

Round 2 All-Important Show Dance with No Rules

These are the only new dances we’ll be seeing tonight, so the only realistic chance the celebs have to win over any floating voters. We’re always told there are No Rules in the showdance, but actually there’s one very important rule, which is, under no circumstances whatsoever must you do a showdance with dummies like the one devised by Erin Boag with Colin Jackson. See the link below for the full naffness, and a sight of Craig and Bruno when they were a lot younger and a lot more restrained in their comments.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv_Vhhj3-H0

Ashley informs us there are no rules in the showdance, just in case we weren’t paying attention the previous 99 times this has been mentioned. She and Pasha are doing a routine with a revolving stage, and Tess & Claudia are doing a spot of overtime, popping in to watch their rehearsals, and tell them how great and fabulous it all looks. The actual routine is barefoot contemporary (boo), but up-tempo (hooray), which makes it entertaining. Ashley descends from way up near the roof, precariously just sat on a big ribbon and holding up to two other ribbons. This routine is really impressive, with lots of tricky lifts but Ashley does them so well and with such consummate ease that it looks like you could easily do them at home if you were so minded. Great stuff. This is really impressive even for Ashley, and is obviously a nailed-on perfect 40 score. In a nice tribute, Shirley says Ashley is the epitome of extraordinary and says that even though everyone knew at the start Ashley was a great dancer, she’s stretched herself and learned new technique. Bruno says that people will have no idea just how hard that routine was, because Ashley made it look so easy. Craig says “I had a small problem with your right toe” (Ashley immediately gets that he’s joking) before he adds “but I decided to get over myself”. Perfect 40 for Ashley.

Stacey & Kevin up next, and Kevin is talking up the huge big great whopping risk he’s taking here by doing something that’s never been done before in Strictly history and could go horribly wrong on the night (though of course we know it won’t go horribly wrong). His gimmick (sorry, incredibly daring huge groundbreaking risk) is at the start where Stacey and Kevin have their separate changing rooms, so can’t see each other, and have to keep perfect time, otherwise it’ll look messy. Stacey doesn’t have a problem keeping perfect time, so it’s all fine, with a couple of witty bits at first, and Stacey briefly gets her costume caught on a chair. After they emerge from their respective dressing rooms, it fizzles out rather into a bitty routine with Stacey running around a lot, and not much tricky content, with a lot of reprising bits of Stacey’s best moments from her earlier dances. Bruno refers to this routine as being full of Stacey’s Greatest Tits and immediately looks horrified. Proves it’s live anyway. Bruno’s comment causes much merriment and Tess vainly tries to rewrite history by telling us he actually said “Greatest Hits”. All together now – oh no he didn’t! Craig says he wasn’t that keen, accurately says it was too bitty and there was rather a lot of running about, which irritates Kevin. Darcey has also spotted it was a mash-up of previous dances. Shirley says Kevin played it safe by only using Stacey’s strength and damns with faint praise by saying it was a very nice routine. Don’t think “very nice” is the kind of comment Kevin was hoping for. Scores are in – 8 from Craig, with Darcey and Shirley also giving 9’s, with Bruno keeping his perfect record of 10’s, for 36 points. Kevin starts getting a bit bitter and moany about Craig never giving him a 10 – he’s obviously desperate to win, but he really needs to stop the whining before he starts losing them votes.

Faye & Giovanni. Faye is nervous about starting her routine on a very high platform (though it’s only about 6 feet above ground). For her actual routine, when on the platform, she dances as if she’s very nervous about being so high up, and it looks pretty tentative and not quite in sync. She’s doing a Broadway kind of routine in a gold dress, but somehow this routine doesn’t quite hit the spot for me, there’s just something about it that doesn’t work. Craig says “fab-u-lous”. Darcey says something about Fred and Ginger, Shirley says they were exactly in sync all the way through, Bruno likens her performance to Ann Miller (though Mrs. Zico informs me that Ann Miller was famous for solo tap-dancing, not this sort of routine). A 10 from Craig means another perfect 40.

Joe & Dianne. This routine is to the Arctic Monkeys’ “I bet you look great on the dancefloor” which is a clever choice from Dianne to appeal to Joe’s young fanbase. Joe keeps saying how much he likes the tune. Joe has to pretend to be an emaciated young rock-god, with lots of high-energy moves and madcap jumping about on giant amplifiers, including on a trampoline. He bursts out of a giant amplifier at one point and there’s an unusual lift where Dianne cartwheels with her legs onto his shoulders then when he moves forward, Dianne is lifted high into the air. Lots of little gimmicks and tricks, all to make the routine look harder than it was. Very clever choreography by Dianne. Enjoyed that a lot – probably my favourite of all Joe’s routines. Unsurprisingly, Shirley says it was absolutely brilliant, and Craig says he really enjoyed it. Darcey says it was such a lively routine she thought Joe would lose control, but he didn’t. 9 from Craig to give 39 points to Joe.

On the meaningless judges’ leaderboard, Ashley & Faye are equal first with perfect scores, followed by Joe with Stacey in fourth place, and somewhere off-stage Kevin will be fuming mightily at being in an undeserved last place. Joe’s showdance was much better and more entertaining than I expected. I thought he'd suffer here by comparison with the others, but if anything, he's gained ground on the other 3.

Round 3 – Favourite Dances

Ashley & Pasha (Charleston). They’ve chosen their Trolls routine to give us another chance to see the most unflattering costumes in the series, where Pasha looks 8 ½ months pregnant and Ashley’s costume doesn’t do her any favours either. Everything is spot on and in sync as you’d expect from Ashley. Shirley praises her dancing “no matter what the outcome” (e.g. 4th place). Claudia is asking the question “what would it mean to you to win?” which is a bit superfluous and insensitive as everyone knows Ashley isn’t going to win, but Ashley says something about how she feels she's already won. 40 from the judges, which makes her the first person ever to get 3 perfect scores in the final.

Stacey (Paso). Final rehearsals for Stacey & Kevin. They seem to have formed a great partnership and get on really well. Stacey gives us her East Enders take on a paso, which is entertaining though a little weird, and she performs this better than first time round. There’s a bit near the end where she raises her skirts very high, and you just hope she’s wearing flesh-coloured leggings. Craig gives a 9 for 39, prompting yet more moaning and groaning from Kevin, while Stacey lightens the mood by telling Craig she won’t be going round to his pool party.

Faye (Theatre Dance). Not sure that Faye and Giovanni have been a close partnership, as Giovanni seemed to have far more fun last year with the Lovely Debbie McGee. Faye is doing her theatre dance to “Fever” with lots of posing, synchronised moves and a big stiff ponytail which she whirls around occasionally. They last did this for the Halloween show with half their faces made up as skulls, and the strangeness of the make-up seemed to suit this routine better. Craig isn’t sitting on the fence here and says “Love, love, love”. A score of 40 and Faye becomes the second person in Strictly final history to score perfect 10’s for all 3 routines.

Joe (Charleston) Joe is dressed as a hillbilly, doing a routine to the tune “Cotton-Eye Joe”, starts off thatching a roof (in a references to his thatching work before he discovered Vlogging) and this is cheerful enough but clearly not as good as the others. Shirley tells him “You are off the floor what you are on the floor” and given that a similar comment was given to Stacey earlier, that means that either Ashley or Faye are not the nice cheery people they pretend to be. Who is it, I wonder? Personally, my money’s on Faye. Craig and Darcey give 9’s for a score of 38.

Judges’ scores have Ashley and Faye equal first on a perfect 120, with Joe on 116 and Stacey on 114. Bruno has given a perfect 10 to every single routine. I know the judges’ scores are a bit irrelevant tonight, but even so, that’s a bit silly.

As it’s the final, the BBC have decided to spoil us and bring someone on who not only is singing a song with a tune, but also can sing the right notes, and in the right order, though they don’t seem to have given Michael Buble a working microphone. Still, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

While the votes are being counted, there’s time for a quick montage of people around the country saying how much they like everybody in Strictly and how good all the make-up and camera people are. We then get a final dance number where all the former celebs return for a few seconds, reprising their memorable bits (if they had any) with Danny & Amy doing a routine where they can dance on opposite sides of the dancefloor.

Time for the Grand Final's Grand Result. I’m expecting that despite being the worst dancer, Joe will win, thanks to his legions of internet followers, all of whom know how to fix the internet votes to register 100 votes for him. However, after a bit of suspenseful music, it’s – Stacey! She immediately covers her face, and it’s nice that Joe is the first to give her a congratulatory hug as Kevin is stretched full-length on the floor in ecstasy at finally winning the coveted Glitterball. Stacey tells Kevin how much he deserves to win the trophy. It obviously means far more to Kevin than to Stacey, and he gets really emotional, and also pays tribute to what a great partner and person Stacey has been.

I’m pleased Stacey has won, as she seems a genuinely nice person and has given us lots of entertaining routines. Pleased for Kevin too, though everyone keeps talking about the number of finals he’s been in without winning, and not mentioning the number of really good partners he’s been given over the years. Maybe he’ll start to get the Anne Widdecombes of the Strictly world in future, so the other pros can get a fair shot at winning.
A few final thoughts on this year’s Strictly.

Best Moments

Seann & Katya’s Matrix paso with Katya’s sideways lift from the floor, then the slow-motion bit where the live audience and TV audiences went “oh!” at the same time, as they twigged to the film reference.

Charles & Karen’s joyous party samba at Blackpool.

Charles again – with his breakthrough street dance. Particularly liked the bit where Charles & Karen grinned at each other, after the tricky handkerchief bit in their routine worked out fine.

Shirley’s detailed take-down of why Vick’s dance wasn’t good enough, together with stunned looks from Vick, and 50 entertaining disappointed & shocked faces from Graziana.

Oti’s farewell speech, saying about Graeme “I’ve never laughed so much and been so angry with someone”.

Graeme on the first elimination week when he said about waiting under the spotlights for his name to be called “I never want to go through anything like that again” and Claudia replied “Well, I really don’t know what to tell you about next week”.

Other highlights

Lauren discovering a new side to herself with ballroom dancing, Kate’s focus and determination, Stacey’s uninhibited dancing.

Lowlights

- Reality intruding into Strictly with firstly, the Katya/Seann snogging incident, then the bullying allegations about Danny with Amy.
- Predictability of who’d be in the final 4, even after the first show.
- Celebs being bad losers, both Vick complaining about a fix, and Danny not turning up for his post-elimination interview.
- Rampant overmarking of Joe. (This always happens to some extent, but was worse this year than usual).

Lowlights for 2019 – Chris Evans.

Overall, it’s been a decent enough series, but would be good next year to get someone funny who can also dance well, which might reduce the predictability of the eliminations.
It's been fun writing these up, and thanks for reading.
What did you think of it?

[TahiPanasDua]

Another entertaining post and a fitting conclusion to the series,

Well done, Zico!

TP2.

[todthedog]

good one zico