The Lemon Fool

What's the worst film you've ever seen?

to kick things off, Holmes & Watson is my choice.
I saw first 20 minutes of it a couple of days ago. Incredibly unfunny and dumb comedy.

zico wrote:What's the worst film you've ever seen?

to kick things off, Holmes & Watson is my choice.
I saw first 20 minutes of it a couple of days ago. Incredibly unfunny and dumb comedy.

A Night at the Museum 3 without a doubt. We have a family joke that it was the reason Robin Williams took his life.

GS

We, in my callow teen youth, a friend rented a video from the local garage called Savage Beach. We sat around drinking beer and watched it. That became the benchmark for bad films amongst those that were gathered. But it wasn't a big Hollywood production so can it be excused? Do B movies count? Apparently we're supposed to believe that there's an all female subsection of the FBI investigating something (I forget what) who have all had boob jobs, drive the US equivalent of a Suzuki Vitara, or ride scooters, and after busting the gang, all jump in the Jacuzzi topless. Like 90 minutes of a really really comically bad 15 cert. Baywatch.

Probably not the worst film I've ever seen but Branagh's Murder on the Orient Express was pretty silly.

Avoid.

The classic 'bad' film is 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' - I watched a colourised version last year and it was still dreadful, but enjoyably so.
(The film 'Ed Wood' about the director is very good*)
Generally I hate films with lots of pointless/ridiculous action sequences, particularly when they are CGI. Boring! A random example, the execrable "Swordfish" with John Travolta...

* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Wood_(film)

Snorvey wrote:I won't even mention the total pap that is DC comics.

Oh yes, admittedly I was just watching at home, but Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice I think I lasted 20 minutes, maybe even half an hour, before thinking "this is pointless and stupid" and turning it off.

I don't know if it the worst film I've ever seen, but the most overrated was The Exorcist.

I fell asleep in the middle of it when stone cold sober.


Oh and another truly terrible film was Love Story.

Slarti

Snorvey wrote:For me it's normally movies that are just far too long.

With that criterion in mind, LOTR 3 is maybe second in my list. The first film in the trilogy was cute. The second was bearable. I could hardly wait for the third to end, and nearly cheered out loud when the action finally returned to hobbitville and we could go do something more interesting like watch paint dry -- but no! there is another interminable sequence of everyone saying goodbye to each other, what an utter waste of time. My memory of the film might be faulty as I attempted to forget it instantly, but I do recall the relentless, pathetic "goodies -- blond, beautiful and indestructible, baddies -- dark, ugly, characterless and worthy of mindless slaughter" stereotype almost made me physically sick. I must be getting old...

Don't want to talk about the Hobbit. And Harry Potter might be up there were it not for the fact I've never managed to watch an entire film. Clichéed, boring music and sound effects, twee.

</rant>

GS

Recently 'the shape of water'
'Splash' derivative without the humour with added masturbation.
Made worse by inability to walk out, and too noisy to sleep

I was going to mention 'Splash 2' - possibly the worst sequel ? (Splash was a nice film)
I haven't seen Jaws 2 to Jaws 39 or whatever, but doubt they are much good...

GoSeigen wrote:Don't want to talk about the Hobbit.

Now there's a trilogy that only needs to be, at best, two films. I'm pretty sure I saw something about a fan re-editing the whole thing to do exactly that, which is a bit extreme but..

GoSeigen wrote: And Harry Potter might be up there were it not for the fact I've never managed to watch an entire film.

I've watch all of them with my dear daughter who got the box set one Christmas. They're ok if you remember not to drive your bus through the plot holes, though Deathly Hallows Part 1 definitely goes on far too long.

Though I also have a particular dislike for “Armageddon”. Oil drillers in space WTF?

I'd put "Armageddon" in the category of "so bad, it's good" for the amazingly obvious plot holes.
Similarly, I hugely enjoyed "Gods of Egypt" a few years back.

I've also been reminded of the interminable series of goodbyes from LOTR3. I quite enjoyed the pre-goodbyes bit of the film, thinking as Frodo was swept away from the exploding mountain, "This is a good place to end" then enduring about several more moments thinking "Now this MUST be the end" moments in the next hour or so.

It's over thirty years since we actually went to a cinema. Nowadays we tend to either record films or download them from Prime and of course we get given DVDs as pressies. We have a golden rule, if it hasn't grabbed our interest after 15 minutes that's it. Life is too short at my age to waste time on rubbish especially as my list of books I want to read, re=read is so long.

R6

John Wick 2 (I never saw the first one). It was a shocker, but its my own fault for going to see a film with Keanu in it.

Apart from Transformers which is awful, one that springs to mind as a disaster on a substantial budget is 'Wild Wild West'.

I seem to have developed an internal radar which can sense how much the cast are enjoying, or not enjoying themselves. Sometimes, the raw enthusiasm radiating from the cast can make a film which is complete hokum watchable. In Wild Wild West, the reverse is the true, everyone looks like they are hating every second of it.

I read one amusing review:
https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/wild-wild-west-1999
Mini quote from the much longer review which. This section is also reproduced on the Wikipedia page.

"Wild Wild West'' is a comedy dead zone. You stare in disbelief as scenes flop and die. The movie is all concept and no content; the elaborate special effects are like watching money burn on the screen.

The most frustrating thing about Wild Wild West' is that it had the potential to be any enjoyable way to spend a few hours.

One to avoid unless you're in the mood become very cross.

B.

Bohemian Rhapsody.

Dick Emery with funny teeth...

Spoiled all my memories of the real Queen and Freddy in gay biker mode and moustache. Real magic.

zico wrote:What's the worst film you've ever seen?

to kick things off, Holmes & Watson is my choice.
I saw first 20 minutes of it a couple of days ago. Incredibly unfunny and dumb comedy.

Even though it would be free for me to see (Unlimited card), I gave it a miss.

I don't mind 'big, dumb, fun' films like "Hunter Killer" or "Skyscraper", and even if a film is stupid such as the recent "Robin Hood" or the slightly older "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" I will stay and enjoy it for what it is. However I draw the line at pretentious twaddle. The last film I actually walked out on was "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford", dull, dull, dull.

Two films which spring to mind which I thought were superb, but clearly others didn't as there were people walking out throughout the performance were "Nocturnal Animals" and "High-Rise". By the end of "High-Rise" I think half the audience had left.

AF62 wrote:
I don't mind 'big, dumb, fun' films like "Hunter Killer" or "Skyscraper", and even if a film is stupid such as the recent "Robin Hood" or the slightly older "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" I will stay and enjoy it for what it is. However I draw the line at pretentious twaddle. The last film I actually walked out on was "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford", dull, dull, dull.

I rather agree, I had an unlimited card for over 10 years and saw hundreds of movies. I found it quite possible to watch some really bad comedies or action movies but the most difficult to sit through to the end are the bad pretensious arty films.
Back in the mid to late eighties our local cinema reopened and was very cheap so I went to see most films that came through for several years. It was then that I saw my nomination for the title of worst ever. It was an utterly dire movie by the name of “It couldn’t happen here” starring the popular (at the time) pop duo the Pet Shop Boys and also Nescafé peddler( and ex ‘new’ avenger) Gareth Hunt. It was awful. I should have known and would never have gone to see it as I hated the bleeding pet shop boys but my girlfriend at the time loved them so I must of figured I’d score some favour points by taking her. She looked shellshocked by the film, might even have enjoyed it less than me, if that was possible.

The film later disappeared off the face of the earth and I’ve never met anyone who’s seen it or even mentioned it. But thanks to the internet I can at least confirm I didn’t imagine it. I get the impression that the pet shop boys aren’t that proud of it and may have just conveniently brushed it under the carpet; where it should stay.

BH

bionichamster wrote:Back in the mid to late eighties our local cinema reopened and was very cheap so I went to see most films that came through for several years. It was then that I saw my nomination for the title of worst ever. It was an utterly dire movie by the name of “It couldn’t happen here” starring the popular (at the time) pop duo the Pet Shop Boys and also Nescafé peddler( and ex ‘new’ avenger) Gareth Hunt. It was awful.

The film later disappeared off the face of the earth and I’ve never met anyone who’s seen it or even mentioned it. But thanks to the internet I can at least confirm I didn’t imagine it. I get the impression that the pet shop boys aren’t that proud of it and may have just conveniently brushed it under the carpet; where it should stay.

Wikipedia

"It Couldn't Happen Here was available on VHS but this has now been discontinued. A Laserdisc release was also available in the US and Japan but was discontinued.

Pet Shop Boys have mentioned an eventual DVD release on their official site when questioned by fans, but nothing has been announced."

Slarti wrote:I don't know if it the worst film I've ever seen, but the most overrated was The Exorcist.

I fell asleep in the middle of it when stone cold sober.

Goodness! It quite spooked me - I was scared on the way home in the dark.