Strictly - Final

[zico]

Three dances from each couple in the final, one “judges’ pick”, all-important show dance, and then each couple pick their favourite dance. Judges’ scores don’t count, but we’ll get them anyway, and they’ll probably mostly be 10’s.

The show starts with the finalists wandering into a deserted Elstree set – has the audience been barred for crowd misbehaviour? We then fast-forward to the live show, complete with audience, and the opening dance routine has our finalists dancing on plinths like 60’s go-go girls. Tess has another Christmas wrapping paper dress, while Claudia is wearing a black and white school uniform. Motsi has 10-inch long curved nails.

Judges’ Pick Round

Last year the judges were sat on thrones to tell the couples which dance they’d picked, but this year, presumably due to budget cuts, they’re just stood around.

Karim & Amy (Quickstep). This is the one with Karim in a bright red suit, and Amy as his tailor, and it’s pretty quick with lots of steps. Very impressive, though as always, Karim looks much happier in the bits where he’s got the spotlight to himself, rather than when he’s with Amy. Shirley is standing up before they’ve even finished the routine so clearly she likes it. (I do wish the judges would stop the standing-up bit as when they do it, you already know a 10 is on the way). Last time they performed it, Craig complained about the gapping, but he says there wasn’t any tonight, so it’s a 10 from Craig which means a total score of 40.

Emma & Anton (Charleston). They do the “Thoroughly Modern Millie” Charleston they did just the other week, and it’s still pretty good. Craig only gives a 9 for a total of 39.

Kelvin & Oti (Rumba). This is a pretty sensual rumba with lots of slinking about by Oti. Presumably Kelvin is also doing something, but who's going to be looking at him? The judges it seems, as Kelvin is widely praised for his oily hips, and 9 from Craig gives a total of 39.

All-Important No-Rules Show Dance

Karim & Amy are doing barefoot contemporary wafting about to “Million Dreams” from the “Greatest Showman”. The Sacred Book of Strictly stipulates that for show dance rehearsals Tess and Claude must appear to assess the routine and pronounce it to be “amazing”. The actual routine doesn’t look that amazing to me, even allowing for my anti-wafting prejudice, and bits of it look a bit out of sync to me. Craig also thinks it’s out of sync, and gives them 9 for 39 points. Shirley is standing up after every single dance, the people in the seats behind her should qualify for a "restricted view" reduction.

Emma & Anton are doing a Hollywood-style number. In rehearsals Emma says “We had a visit from the beautiful Tess – and Claude” which seems a bit pointed. For the routine, Emma looks like Angela Rippon from the Morecambe & Wise Christmas show. Frankly, this looks a bit of a mess, and they seem to be out of sync for about 30 seconds. The judges are being nice tonight, so Craig only says they were out of sync at the start, but only gives her 8, but luckily the other three judges think she’s perfect, so she scores 38 points.

Kelvin & Oti are doing a highlights routine of all their best bits to avoid having to learn anything new. Oti has actually choreographed this really well so all the different bits link up, and it’s a high-energy, well-executed routine to Lulu’s “Shout”. It’s not an emotional routine but Motsi is moved to tears, presumably because her sister has a great chance of winning the coveted Glitterball. Shirley is getting a bit over-raucous now, maybe they should have hidden the pre-show sherry bottle. 10’s all round for 40 points.

Overall, a disappointing round of show dances, and I don’t think any of the dances tonight will have changed anyone’s mind about who they’ll vote for.

Favourite Dances

This is the round where it’s compulsory for each couple says nice things in rehearsals about their partner (with optional welling-up and crying) before they walk out of the dance studio for the very last time and switch off the lights.

Karim & Amy reprise their spectacular jive which is every bit as good as first time round. Craig says about watching Karim dance “It’s just like looking in a mirror”. Craig gives them a 10 sparking wild excitement – Craig’s 10’s really mean something to the couples. Obviously 40 points in total.

Emma & Anton do a Viennese Waltz to “Send in the clowns” which is simple and effective. Craig says Emma missed a few heel leads which causes controversy with the other judges. 9 from Craig for 39 points and Anton seems rather miffed that he hasn’t had a 10 from Craig.

Kelvin & Oti do their week 1 samba, which seemed pretty good at the time, and still seems pretty good. The judges say how much better this samba is than their week 1 effort. Craig says there was a small problem with the bounce action, but likes Kelvin’s hip action, as do all the other judges. 9 from Craig for 39 points.

So Karim is top of the meaningless judges’ leaderboard, with Kelvin second and Emma third. Craig was the only judge who didn’t think every single routine deserved a perfect 10. It’s pretty clear that Karim isn’t popular with the judges, so competition is between Kelvin and Emma. It’s time to see some vox pops, and just like last year, everyone they interview think that Strictly is just so great and like, so amazing, like, and the best ever this year.

Musical interlude with Artem and Janette entertaining us, accompanied by some girl in a humbug dress on the piano. Taylor Swift no less. There's a brief routine with all the previously eliminated celebs, then another bit of filler where the judges give us their thoughts on the series and their favourites. At long last it's results time, and no surprise at all that Kelvin and Oti are crowned champions. Kelvin has been consistently good, apparently has no previous dance experience (at least none that anyone’s found out about) and seems to be a thoroughly nice guy. It doesn’t harm his chances to be paired with Oti either.

So that’s it for another year. For me, it’s been one of the dullest Strictly series with the format starting to get quite stale. The BBC were lucky that Oti’s original celeb got injured, because Kelvin has been the most entertaining celeb on the show. The judges are less diverse, with Shirley and Motsi basically duplicating the same job of telling the celebs how great, wonderful and amazing they are - the only difference being that Motsi is louder. Missing Len Goodman and Darcey who brought something different to the table. I find that Craig is the only judge I listen to if I want to know what an expert thinks of the dance I just watched. The rest of the programme is increasingly formulaic, particularly the final, and I’d prefer them to go back to the early days when we saw celebs and their partners occasionally arguing in rehearsal, which made it more interesting.

On the positive side, there have been quite a few memorable dances this year. Karim and Kelvin have produced quite a few of these, and I also enjoyed a few of Saffron’s ballroom routines, mainly because she just looked so happy to be dancing the routine. Will & Janette had by far the best barefoot contemporary wafting routine. Both Dev and Michelle were knocked out too soon for me. Presumably next year will have plenty of former politicians on the show - after this year's events there'll be a lot to choose from. Keen dancer Theresa May paired with Anton perhaps?

Well anyway, that’s what I thought, what did you think?