Donate to Remove ads

Got a credit card? use our Credit Card & Finance Calculators

Thanks to johnstevens77,Bhoddhisatva,scotia,Anonymous,Cornytiv34, for Donating to support the site

A conundrum

A virtual pub for off topic, light hearted pub related banter and discussion. No trainers
Mike4
Lemon Half
Posts: 7084
Joined: November 24th, 2016, 3:29 am
Has thanked: 1637 times
Been thanked: 3791 times

Re: A conundrum

#510638

Postby Mike4 » June 29th, 2022, 12:45 pm

servodude wrote:
CliffEdge wrote:
pje16 wrote:I always thought that meant there was no charge for withdrawing cash
some places do charge for that
It is up to you to know how much you have in the bank... surely

Usually you can find out your balance from the machine.


...if that machine involves strain gauges and you perturb the users calf muscles in a known way; but enough of that former life !

I heard a related joke from Jimmy Cricket once at a wedding

"I asked the girl at the bank to check my balance"
"So she gave a shove!"
"No..no.. I said.... I'm worried about the overdraft"
"So she shut the door behind me."

Now even if you don't imagine the pauses for comic effect between those utterances - it's honestly funnier written here than it was at the time

-sd



And given the earlier mention of Viz, here's my fave from them:

"Speed humps" are a misnomer if ever I heard one. If anything, they slow the traffic down.

kempiejon
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3488
Joined: November 5th, 2016, 10:30 am
Has thanked: 1 time
Been thanked: 1145 times

Re: A conundrum

#511180

Postby kempiejon » July 1st, 2022, 3:22 pm

When we were teenagers my brother noted that level crossings were actually quite bumpy.

UncleEbenezer
The full Lemon
Posts: 10689
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 8:17 pm
Has thanked: 1458 times
Been thanked: 2965 times

Re: A conundrum

#512446

Postby UncleEbenezer » July 7th, 2022, 10:57 am

chrissyr wrote:I like the road sign (usually on country lanes) that states 'cats eyes removed' - is it a warning about the next village :)

My recollection is "Heavy Plant Crossing". Always brought to mind Tolkien's Ents.

servodude
Lemon Half
Posts: 8271
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 5:56 am
Has thanked: 4435 times
Been thanked: 3564 times

Re: A conundrum

#512475

Postby servodude » July 7th, 2022, 12:26 pm

UncleEbenezer wrote:
chrissyr wrote:I like the road sign (usually on country lanes) that states 'cats eyes removed' - is it a warning about the next village :)

My recollection is "Heavy Plant Crossing". Always brought to mind Tolkien's Ents.


Not heading off to play with Alison Krauss?

Does need punctuation though...

as does "Slow Children Crossing"

UncleEbenezer
The full Lemon
Posts: 10689
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 8:17 pm
Has thanked: 1458 times
Been thanked: 2965 times

Re: A conundrum

#512484

Postby UncleEbenezer » July 7th, 2022, 12:54 pm

servodude wrote:
UncleEbenezer wrote:
chrissyr wrote:I like the road sign (usually on country lanes) that states 'cats eyes removed' - is it a warning about the next village :)

My recollection is "Heavy Plant Crossing". Always brought to mind Tolkien's Ents.


Not heading off to play with Alison Krauss?

Never heard of her.

as does "Slow Children Crossing"

Or those contraceptive adverts?

servodude
Lemon Half
Posts: 8271
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 5:56 am
Has thanked: 4435 times
Been thanked: 3564 times

Re: A conundrum

#512486

Postby servodude » July 7th, 2022, 1:02 pm

UncleEbenezer wrote:
servodude wrote:
Not heading off to play with Alison Krauss?

Never heard of her.



Banjo lass - played Glasto this year with some old rocker.
She's really impressive live
.... and then she records stuff as though it's hiding the fact it's a banjo
- we shouldn't be ashamed of having one short string!
- did Tony Trischka try and sound like a jazz guitar!
Anyways... as you were!

servodude
Lemon Half
Posts: 8271
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 5:56 am
Has thanked: 4435 times
Been thanked: 3564 times

Re: A conundrum

#512627

Postby servodude » July 8th, 2022, 5:46 am

servodude wrote:
UncleEbenezer wrote:
servodude wrote:
Not heading off to play with Alison Krauss?

Never heard of her.



Banjo lass - played Glasto this year with some old rocker.
She's really impressive live
.... and then she records stuff as though it's hiding the fact it's a banjo
- we shouldn't be ashamed of having one short string!
- did Tony Trischka try and sound like a jazz guitar!
Anyways... as you were!


Damn - I just realised I mixed up Alison Brown (banjo) with Alison Krauss (fiddle) in my reply
To make up for that here's Ms Brown https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OcgJcVFqyg

jfgw
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2539
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 3:36 pm
Has thanked: 1097 times
Been thanked: 1146 times

Re: A conundrum

#512643

Postby jfgw » July 8th, 2022, 8:10 am

servodude wrote:Damn - I just realised I mixed up Alison Brown (banjo) with Alison Krauss (fiddle) in my reply


So not heading off to fiddle with Alison Krauss then?


Julian F. G. W.

DrFfybes
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3731
Joined: November 6th, 2016, 10:25 pm
Has thanked: 1171 times
Been thanked: 1964 times

Re: A conundrum

#512652

Postby DrFfybes » July 8th, 2022, 8:36 am

These are terrible.

I'm giving up drinking until Xmas.

stevensfo
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3435
Joined: November 5th, 2016, 8:43 am
Has thanked: 3805 times
Been thanked: 1398 times

Re: A conundrum

#512777

Postby stevensfo » July 8th, 2022, 5:04 pm

DrFfybes wrote:These are terrible.

I'm giving up drinking until Xmas.


Yet we haven't even started on Bach's organ works! 8-)


Steve

AndyPandy
Lemon Slice
Posts: 377
Joined: November 6th, 2016, 11:46 pm
Has thanked: 431 times
Been thanked: 244 times

Re: A conundrum

#513564

Postby AndyPandy » July 11th, 2022, 9:59 pm

Watis wrote:In similar vein, if you're travelling into London on the Tube, don't forget to take a dog with you. For, as the signs say: 'Dogs must be carried on escalators'. No dog? Take the stairs.

Watis


In another vein there are signs on the M4 West of Swindon "Keep apart two chevrons". I had to belt it down the motorway one quiet evening to find a car to sit the required distance behind.

Thruppennybit
Lemon Pip
Posts: 71
Joined: November 18th, 2016, 6:34 am
Has thanked: 65 times
Been thanked: 96 times

Re: A conundrum

#513606

Postby Thruppennybit » July 12th, 2022, 8:10 am

In another vein there are signs on the M4 West of Swindon "Keep apart two chevrons"


I saw those signs as well and thought that the chevrons were keeping apart fine all by themselves

stewamax
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2417
Joined: November 7th, 2016, 2:40 pm
Has thanked: 83 times
Been thanked: 782 times

Re: A conundrum

#513704

Postby stewamax » July 12th, 2022, 12:31 pm

Mike4 wrote:"Speed humps" are a misnomer if ever I heard one. If anything, they slow the traffic down.

Outside hot-sheet hotels?

jfgw
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2539
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 3:36 pm
Has thanked: 1097 times
Been thanked: 1146 times

Re: A conundrum

#513705

Postby jfgw » July 12th, 2022, 12:32 pm

I am just heading over to Bonmarche as they are advertising ladies' underwear, 50% off :D :D :D


Julian F. G. W.

XFool
The full Lemon
Posts: 12636
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 7:21 pm
Been thanked: 2608 times

Re: A conundrum

#513736

Postby XFool » July 12th, 2022, 2:33 pm

Time for an oldie? The, possibly apocryphal, Thomas Beecham comment to a woman cellist:

"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch at it."

brightncheerful
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2209
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 4:00 pm
Has thanked: 424 times
Been thanked: 799 times

Re: A conundrum

#515008

Postby brightncheerful » July 17th, 2022, 11:44 am

Ever since i wasted a hour standing by a staircase or outside a shop keeping an eye out for anything amiss, I've ignored signs that say 'Mind the Step'.

servodude
Lemon Half
Posts: 8271
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 5:56 am
Has thanked: 4435 times
Been thanked: 3564 times

Re: A conundrum

#515009

Postby servodude » July 17th, 2022, 11:47 am

brightncheerful wrote:Ever since i wasted a hour standing by a staircase or outside a shop keeping an eye out for anything amiss, I've ignored signs that say 'Mind the Step'.


Do you stare at the orange juice that says "concentrate"?

brightncheerful
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2209
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 4:00 pm
Has thanked: 424 times
Been thanked: 799 times

Re: A conundrum

#515010

Postby brightncheerful » July 17th, 2022, 11:49 am

jfgw wrote:I am just heading over to Bonmarche as they are advertising ladies' underwear, 50% off :D :D :D
Julian F. G. W.


Whenever I see a sign in a shop promoting 25% off I think the item is smaller. I mentioned that to an acquaintance just as she was about to buy something in Waitrose with 30% off as smaller: The next time she saw me she told me in no uncertain terms that the item was the same size as before.

Mike4
Lemon Half
Posts: 7084
Joined: November 24th, 2016, 3:29 am
Has thanked: 1637 times
Been thanked: 3791 times

Re: A conundrum

#515019

Postby Mike4 » July 17th, 2022, 12:18 pm

And then of course there is the difficulty I have using the escalators on the London underground.

There is always a sign saying "Dogs must be carried on the escalator", but sadly I don't always have a dog with me to carry.

XFool
The full Lemon
Posts: 12636
Joined: November 8th, 2016, 7:21 pm
Been thanked: 2608 times

Re: A conundrum

#515023

Postby XFool » July 17th, 2022, 12:36 pm

brightncheerful wrote:Whenever I see a sign in a shop promoting 25% off I think the item is smaller.

I assume you are not being serious here...

However, this is starting to remind me of a very long thread and discussion on the website of a certain vehicle SatNav company after they announced changes to their verbal announcements at roundabouts because: "some people found them confusing". Some people... ?
e.g.

"Go left at the roundabout, take the first exit"

"Go straight on at the roundabout, take the second exit"

"Go right at the roundabout, take the third exit"

Nope. Me neither...

+600 posts later. "The only thing I can think of that might explain this..."

But that's when 'they'* turned 'strange'. :lol:


* Or was it just 'him' ?

Moderators! We love you all really... :|


Return to “Beerpig's Snug”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests