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Speeding
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- Lemon Quarter
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Speeding
A cop pulls a man over for speeding. He walks up to the car and says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
The cop looks up and down the highway. "What are you talking about? There is no traffic."
And the man answered, "I know, that's how far behind I am !"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
The cop looks up and down the highway. "What are you talking about? There is no traffic."
And the man answered, "I know, that's how far behind I am !"
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- Lemon Pip
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Re: Speeding
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
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- Lemon Slice
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Re: Speeding
brightncheerful wrote:A cop pulls a man over for speeding. He walks up to the car and says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
The cop looks up and down the highway. "What are you talking about? There is no traffic."
And the man answered, "I know, that's how far behind I am !"
If you drive along the M4 to Bristol from the London side there are signs stating "Keep apart two chevrons". On a quiet day you have to go at quite a lick to catch up and sit that distance behind another vehicle. One for Pedants' corner, perhaps?
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- The full Lemon
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Re: Speeding
AndyPandy wrote:If you drive along the M4 to Bristol from the London side there are signs stating "Keep apart two chevrons".
That jars a bit. Should it be "Keep two chevrons apart"?
Anyway, why? Are the chevrons fighting or something? Whose job is it to keep them apart, and how would one go about it?
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- Lemon Half
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Re: Speeding
Thruppennybit wrote:Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
Oooh, I do like that. Where's a rec button when you need one?
BK
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- Lemon Slice
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Re: Speeding
UncleEbenezer wrote:AndyPandy wrote:If you drive along the M4 to Bristol from the London side there are signs stating "Keep apart two chevrons".
That jars a bit. Should it be "Keep two chevrons apart"?
Anyway, why? Are the chevrons fighting or something? Whose job is it to keep them apart, and how would one go about it?
You're right, of course. It probably is "keep two chevrons apart"
In a similar vein, along the Chelsea Embankment there is currently (no pun intended) a road narrowing due to a new water pipe being laid. Signs say "Narrow lanes do not overtake cyclists" with a line break, but with no punctuation. Interesting statement.
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- The full Lemon
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Re: Speeding
AndyPandy wrote:In a similar vein, along the Chelsea Embankment there is currently (no pun intended) a road narrowing due to a new water pipe being laid. Signs say "Narrow lanes do not overtake cyclists" with a line break, but with no punctuation. Interesting statement.
Hehe.
I got billed "star letter" in our local paper some years ago, when road changes created something like that. A critical narrowing (on the A386 passing Derriford in Plymouth), and on the uphill so most cyclists will be slow. The final piece in the deadly plan is iron railings preventing an emergency escape to the pavement. My letter, entitled "Who are they trying to kill?", cast both cyclists and motorists as Good Guys (most of them are - it's the exceptions you notice), but pointed out how the road changes put them in conflict.
Now they're changing that road layout yet again. Looks as if we're getting a dual carriageway, so there will be room for motor vehicles to pass bikes safely. Not quite sure if anything nasty might happen where those lanes merge.
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- Lemon Pip
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Re: Speeding
AndyPandy wrote:
In a similar vein, along the Chelsea Embankment there is currently (no pun intended) a road narrowing due to a new water pipe being laid. Signs say "Narrow lanes do not overtake cyclists" with a line break, but with no punctuation. Interesting statement.
In another similar vein, here are a couple of gems from the chuckle-worthy Warrington Cycle Facility of the Month:
http://wcc.crankfoot.xyz/facility-of-th ... hesign.jpg
http://wcc.crankfoot.xyz/facility-of-th ... -space.png
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- Lemon Slice
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Re: Speeding
There's a sign as you approach the Forth Road Bridge saying 'Use Both Lanes'. Honestly, you should hear the reaction of other drivers when I do this!!
StepOne
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