The Lemon Fool

Two Brummies on a touring holiday in Monmouthshire

One says: "look over there, It’s an abbey"

Other replies: "Tintern abbey"

One retorts: "Tis an abbey"

2 Brummies in a pub...

"I went fishing down the cut this morning"
"Catch anything?"
"Aye, oi caught a whale"
"A whale, what did you do with it"
"Oi threw it back in"
"What did you do that for?"
"Most of the spokes were broken".

People do get the black country accents confused with the various Birmingham accents.

johnhemming wrote:People do get the black country accents confused with the various Birmingham accents.

I think you missed out on the obligatory joke, so here’s one from http://www.bbc.co.uk/blackcountry/featu ... okes.shtml

Ayli went along to a parents' night at his nipper's school.

"How's our Tommy comin' on?" he asked the teacher.

"Well," came the reply, "he's in a class of his own."

Ayli was chuffed. "I day know 'e was that clever."

"Oh he's not," said the teacher, "but he smells!"

I went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was “spice”.

I went as a chilli but everyone else was an astronaut....

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A Brummie walks into a tailors and says: “Alroit, mate. I’d like a 70s suit, please.”

The tailor says: “Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?”

Brummie says: “Thanks mate, two sugars please...”


Itsallaguess

True story…

Went into a chippy in Brum

Asian lady behind the counter sporting a strong Brummie Accent

I said "plaice and chips please"

"You wha" she says

Again I said "plaice and chips please"

I repeated this again, she still looked baffled.

A bloke getting a bit impatient at this miscommunication shouted from behind "he means he wants PLICE and chips love! "

Ahhhh… "PLICE" she says…

I am a southerner

I went to university in Birmingham and shared a student house with several students from 'darn sarf" and most days there would be some sort of report on the language divide.

One mate went into a local haberdashery and was having severe difficulties explaining that he needed to buy some "b'uns"

After several attempts he resorted to pointing to the buttons on his jacket.

"Ah buttins", why didn't you say so in the first place.

John

Best thing about the West Midlands is orange chips...

Orange chips??

But now you've raised the subject of fruit...

There used to be a fruit and veg shop on the Bristol Road in Selly Oak, right by the University, it was run by a Welshman strangely enough.

He didn't sell orange chips but he did sell bananas and once told me what had happened earlier on that day.

Think of this in a Welsh accent.

"There was these two girls came in this morning, lovely girls they were, bootiful.

They asked if I had any bananas.

I had some bootiful big ones, tidy, just come in fresh like.

The girls picked really big one and were about to pay when one said to the other,

"Let's get two...we can always eat the other one!"

John

Chips that are orange, not chips of orange
I think they batter them before they're deep fried, and add paprika or something. Maybe

AleisterCrowley wrote:Chips that are orange, not chips of orange
I think they batter them before they're deep fried, and add paprika or something. Maybe

Bostin! (An expression which seems to mean nothing at all south of Brum, including in near-ish Cooventray)

My recollection of the Selly Oak food scene was when my mate complained to the Chinese Chippy that his battered rock salmon had been rubbery. "Aaaah, thank you sir, I tell chef you rike it."

BJ

bungeejumper wrote:My recollection of the Selly Oak food scene was when my mate complained to the Chinese Chippy that his battered rock salmon had been rubbery. "Aaaah, thank you sir, I tell chef you rike it."

We so need this button. C.

Seriously, examine the ingedients of McCains Oven Chips. Tbere you will find the ingredient Paprika which is added so that their cooked chips dont look the colour of Englishmens legs when wearing shorts…

What do you say to a Brummie with no arms or legs?


"Got the time on yer, cock?"

A long distance lorry driver from Birmingham has to deliver some timber to London, never been to London but he finds it. Stops at the end of the Edgware Road, pulls down the window and shouts to a pedestrian "Hey! Is this London?!"
"Yeah, mate" comes the answer.
"well, where do you want this wood, then?"

"I believe we have done come to wrong Birmingham"

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