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Parrot

Laughter is the best medicine, find and post jokes. nothing too saucy please, Dad jokes, Current news jokes..
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brightncheerful
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Parrot

#201016

Postby brightncheerful » February 13th, 2019, 9:46 am

Sadly my obese parrot has died from over eating.

At least it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

UncleEbenezer
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Re: Parrot

#201021

Postby UncleEbenezer » February 13th, 2019, 10:04 am

He's not dead, he's just resting!

(well, someone had to say it)

AndyPandy
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Re: Parrot

#201039

Postby AndyPandy » February 13th, 2019, 10:59 am

Did you take the instructions on the Polyfilla too literally?

Sorry, someone had to get that in, too.

brightncheerful
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Re: Parrot

#201040

Postby brightncheerful » February 13th, 2019, 11:02 am

another old joke:

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

PinkDalek
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Re: Parrot

#201419

Postby PinkDalek » February 14th, 2019, 8:03 pm

I prefer the British version:

viewtopic.php?p=181890#p181890

jfgw
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Re: Parrot

#201458

Postby jfgw » February 14th, 2019, 11:29 pm

What's the difference between a parrot?

One of its legs are both the same.

csearle
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Re: Parrot

#201461

Postby csearle » February 14th, 2019, 11:45 pm

jfgw wrote:What's the difference between a parrot?

One of its legs are both the same.
Julian. WTF? Please PM me with the explanation. C.

jfgw
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Re: Parrot

#201462

Postby jfgw » February 15th, 2019, 12:04 am

csearle wrote:
jfgw wrote:What's the difference between a parrot?

One of its legs are both the same.
Julian. WTF? Please PM me with the explanation. C.

It was a joke graffitied on a desk in a college library years ago. I have told it a few times since and, stangely, get a similar reaction each time.

UncleEbenezer
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Re: Parrot

#201463

Postby UncleEbenezer » February 15th, 2019, 12:11 am

jfgw wrote:What's the difference between a parrot?

One of its legs are both the same.

Mornington Crescent.

TUK020
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Re: Parrot

#201473

Postby TUK020 » February 15th, 2019, 6:33 am

jfgw wrote:What's the difference between a parrot?

One of its legs are both the same.


In years gone by, I heard a French version of this, except the punchline was:
"Both its legs are exactly the same length, especially the left one"

kempiejon
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Re: Parrot

#201476

Postby kempiejon » February 15th, 2019, 7:24 am

I thought it was a duck not a parrot.

jfgw
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Re: Parrot

#201499

Postby jfgw » February 15th, 2019, 9:34 am

kempiejon wrote:I thought it was a duck not a parrot.

There shouldn't be any confusion as the two birds look distinctly different, especially the duck.

vrdiver
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Re: Parrot

#201501

Postby vrdiver » February 15th, 2019, 9:46 am

kempiejon wrote:I thought it was a duck not a parrot.

Is that a grouse?

UncleEbenezer
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Re: Parrot

#201505

Postby UncleEbenezer » February 15th, 2019, 10:04 am

TUK020 wrote:In years gone by, I heard a French version of this, except the punchline was:
"Both its legs are exactly the same length, especially the left one"

All legs are equal.

But some are more equal than others.

jfgw
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Re: Parrot

#201519

Postby jfgw » February 15th, 2019, 10:37 am

kempiejon wrote:I thought it was a duck not a parrot.

Thinking about it, you are probably right.

Applying one of the many variants of the duck test:

Does it look like a duck?
Assuming that it is a duck, then, yes, it looks exactly like a duck. It is obviously a different breed from the ones in the large pond just outside the kitchen window but it is still, clearly, a duck.

Does it swim like a duck?
I assume so although I have never seen it swim. It spends most of its time on a perch in a big cage by the kitchen window.

Does it quack like a duck?
Yes, it quacks just like all of the other noisy blighters in the large pond just outside the kitchen window.

I assume, therefore, that it must be a duck.

TUK020
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Re: Parrot

#201541

Postby TUK020 » February 15th, 2019, 11:56 am

kempiejon wrote:I thought it was a duck not a parrot.

The French version was a crow


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