Solid Gold toilet stolen....

[staffordian]

Here we go, more cr@p jokes and puns...

[panamagold]

..from Blenheim Palace.

What a dump.

[UncleEbenezer]

Anymore?

You're taking the p***.

Can't help thinking gold is totally unsuitable to sit on: like any metal (and more than many) it'll feel cold. Or hot, if warmer than body temperature. I guess this tells us that if you want to sit on gold, you should introduce an h.

[Itsallaguess]

I think I'll go round the bend if I have to read any more toilet puns....

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

[jfgw]

I suppose nicking a gold toilet beats panning for gold.

Julian F. G. W.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

I suppose nicking a gold toilet beats panning for gold.

Julian F. G. W.

I'm going to sit down and reflect on all of this

AiY

[stewamax]

But exactly how did the thieves manage remove it? Given that gold is nearly twice a heavy as lead, Mr Plod should be looking for a rugby team that owns a mobile crane.

[monabri]

If the Police were to find it, would they be flushed with success?

[stewamax]

Were Queen Victoria ever to have had such a monstrosity, I wonder if one of the jobs of the the Groom of the Stole* would have been to sit on it for a few minutes to warm it up for her.

* whose formal title was Groom of the Queen's Close Stool, although I gather that only Prince Albert had one. The job was ceased in 1901

[stevensfo]

Were Queen Victoria ever to have had such a monstrosity, I wonder if one of the jobs of the the Groom of the Stole* would have been to sit on it for a few minutes to warm it up for her.

* whose formal title was Groom of the Queen's Close Stool, although I gather that only Prince Albert had one. The job was ceased in 1901

I read many, many years ago that the older boys in private schools used to use the young Fags for this very purpose.

What a tremendous piece of info for their CV. 'Toilet seat warmer and [expletive deleted] licker for Lord........ !' Probably equivalent to a 2.2 at Oxford?


Steve

PS I was tempted to write something about Michael Gove, but resisted the temptation.

[Leothebear]

I was going to write something rather inflammatory, but I'd risk being done for defecation of character.

Instead I'll address the question of the weight of the thing. I heard the gold was worth £1m so if my maths is right that equates to about 50lbs of gold. The bog must have really had a veneer of gold on some other material. Most of us could manage 50lbs but with the weight of the body of the pan - it may have been that much again or less I'd have thought.

One thinks for sure that bog will be an ingot by now.

[stewamax]

A current ceramic WC with cistern weighs around 55 lbs. Even with gold leaf applied the stolen one must weigh more.
And apropos of

... the older boys in private schools used to use the young Fags for this very purpose

Indeed. And a good flogging ('tunding' was the term used at Winchester) beforehand could raise the temperature.
Finally, I trust our US readers realise that Fag is a peculiarly English term and does not (necessarily) imply homosexual.

[mc2fool]

I heard the gold was worth £1m so if my maths is right that equates to about 50lbs of gold.

£1m was the initial figure bandied around but now the generally bandied figure seems to be $6m/£4.8m.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-o ... e-49713947
https://news.sky.com/story/solid-gold-t ... e-11809266
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/0 ... as-stolen/
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/s ... n-20067275
and many others.

[panamagold]

I heard the gold was worth £1m so if my maths is right that equates to about 50lbs of gold.

£1m was the initial figure bandied around but now the generally bandied figure seems to be $6m/£4.8m.

Just speculative verbal diarrhoea.

[stevensfo]

A current ceramic WC with cistern weighs around 55 lbs. Even with gold leaf applied the stolen one must weigh more.
And apropos of

... the older boys in private schools used to use the young Fags for this very purpose

Indeed. And a good flogging ('tunding' was the term used at Winchester) beforehand could raise the temperature.
Finally, I trust our US readers realise that Fag is a peculiarly English term and does not (necessarily) imply homosexual.

It seems I missed a great time by being sent to the local Comprehensive. Anyone know who I can sue for being deprived of this experience?

Steve

PS I wouldn't worry about 'Fag'. Even Americans now know that it means cigarette, and according to my mates in California, the use of it meaning homosexual in the USA is pretty dead.

[csearle]

..from Blenheim Palace.

Police have nothing to go on*

*copyright Sky News a few minutes ago.

Anymore?

They've appealed for the culprits to at least to give them a ring.

[Leothebear]

Skid marks left at the scene apparently.

[brightncheerful]

Could be a bum steer but it's rumoured the thief drove off in a SEAT.

[vrdiver]

The police think this was an international crime ring. In response, Italy has increased security at the cistern chapel.

[Leothebear]

At last! The police have some leads - rumoured to be from a stool pigeon.