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Solid Gold toilet stolen....

Laughter is the best medicine, find and post jokes. nothing too saucy please, Dad jokes, Current news jokes..
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Snorvey
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Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#251833

Postby Snorvey » September 14th, 2019, 4:18 pm

..from Blenheim Palace.

Police have nothing to go on*

*copyright Sky News a few minutes ago.

Anymore?

Snorvey
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#251838

Postby Snorvey » September 14th, 2019, 4:34 pm

At the risk of being panned, I thought I'd lift the lid on this.

staffordian
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#251841

Postby staffordian » September 14th, 2019, 4:42 pm

Here we go, more cr@p jokes and puns...

panamagold
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#251842

Postby panamagold » September 14th, 2019, 4:44 pm

Snorvey wrote:..from Blenheim Palace.


What a dump.

UncleEbenezer
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#251851

Postby UncleEbenezer » September 14th, 2019, 5:28 pm

Snorvey wrote:Anymore?

You're taking the p***.

Can't help thinking gold is totally unsuitable to sit on: like any metal (and more than many) it'll feel cold. Or hot, if warmer than body temperature. I guess this tells us that if you want to sit on gold, you should introduce an h.

Itsallaguess
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#251852

Postby Itsallaguess » September 14th, 2019, 5:34 pm

I think I'll go round the bend if I have to read any more toilet puns....

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

jfgw
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#251869

Postby jfgw » September 14th, 2019, 7:19 pm

I suppose nicking a gold toilet beats panning for gold.

Julian F. G. W.

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252086

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » September 15th, 2019, 10:45 pm

jfgw wrote:I suppose nicking a gold toilet beats panning for gold.

Julian F. G. W.

I'm going to sit down and reflect on all of this

AiY

stewamax
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252135

Postby stewamax » September 16th, 2019, 9:50 am

But exactly how did the thieves manage remove it? Given that gold is nearly twice a heavy as lead, Mr Plod should be looking for a rugby team that owns a mobile crane.

monabri
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252143

Postby monabri » September 16th, 2019, 10:08 am

If the Police were to find it, would they be flushed with success?

stewamax
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252213

Postby stewamax » September 16th, 2019, 1:34 pm

Were Queen Victoria ever to have had such a monstrosity, I wonder if one of the jobs of the the Groom of the Stole* would have been to sit on it for a few minutes to warm it up for her.

* whose formal title was Groom of the Queen's Close Stool, although I gather that only Prince Albert had one. The job was ceased in 1901

stevensfo
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252280

Postby stevensfo » September 16th, 2019, 7:04 pm

stewamax wrote:Were Queen Victoria ever to have had such a monstrosity, I wonder if one of the jobs of the the Groom of the Stole* would have been to sit on it for a few minutes to warm it up for her.

* whose formal title was Groom of the Queen's Close Stool, although I gather that only Prince Albert had one. The job was ceased in 1901



I read many, many years ago that the older boys in private schools used to use the young Fags for this very purpose.

What a tremendous piece of info for their CV. 'Toilet seat warmer and Pink marshmallows licker for Lord........ !' Probably equivalent to a 2.2 at Oxford?


Steve

PS I was tempted to write something about Michael Gove, but resisted the temptation. :-)

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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252282

Postby Leothebear » September 16th, 2019, 7:22 pm

I was going to write something rather inflammatory, but I'd risk being done for defecation of character.

Instead I'll address the question of the weight of the thing. I heard the gold was worth £1m so if my maths is right that equates to about 50lbs of gold. The bog must have really had a veneer of gold on some other material. Most of us could manage 50lbs but with the weight of the body of the pan - it may have been that much again or less I'd have thought.

One thinks for sure that bog will be an ingot by now.

stewamax
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252312

Postby stewamax » September 16th, 2019, 9:50 pm

A current ceramic WC with cistern weighs around 55 lbs. Even with gold leaf applied the stolen one must weigh more.
And apropos of
stevensfo wrote:... the older boys in private schools used to use the young Fags for this very purpose

Indeed. And a good flogging ('tunding' was the term used at Winchester) beforehand could raise the temperature.
Finally, I trust our US readers realise that Fag is a peculiarly English term and does not (necessarily) imply homosexual.

mc2fool
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252325

Postby mc2fool » September 16th, 2019, 11:44 pm

Leothebear wrote:I heard the gold was worth £1m so if my maths is right that equates to about 50lbs of gold.

£1m was the initial figure bandied around but now the generally bandied figure seems to be $6m/£4.8m.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-o ... e-49713947
https://news.sky.com/story/solid-gold-t ... e-11809266
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/0 ... as-stolen/
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/s ... n-20067275
and many others.

panamagold
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252349

Postby panamagold » September 17th, 2019, 7:59 am

mc2fool wrote:
Leothebear wrote:I heard the gold was worth £1m so if my maths is right that equates to about 50lbs of gold.

£1m was the initial figure bandied around but now the generally bandied figure seems to be $6m/£4.8m.


Just speculative verbal diarrhoea.

stevensfo
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252456

Postby stevensfo » September 17th, 2019, 8:39 pm

stewamax wrote:A current ceramic WC with cistern weighs around 55 lbs. Even with gold leaf applied the stolen one must weigh more.
And apropos of
stevensfo wrote:... the older boys in private schools used to use the young Fags for this very purpose

Indeed. And a good flogging ('tunding' was the term used at Winchester) beforehand could raise the temperature.
Finally, I trust our US readers realise that Fag is a peculiarly English term and does not (necessarily) imply homosexual.


It seems I missed a great time by being sent to the local Comprehensive. Anyone know who I can sue for being deprived of this experience?

Steve

PS I wouldn't worry about 'Fag'. Even Americans now know that it means cigarette, and according to my mates in California, the use of it meaning homosexual in the USA is pretty dead.

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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252459

Postby Snorvey » September 17th, 2019, 8:48 pm

I hope the police aren't going to get bogged down with paperwork

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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252477

Postby csearle » September 17th, 2019, 11:09 pm

Snorvey wrote:..from Blenheim Palace.

Police have nothing to go on*

*copyright Sky News a few minutes ago.

Anymore?
They've appealed for the culprits to at least to give them a ring.

Snorvey
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Re: Solid Gold toilet stolen....

#252507

Postby Snorvey » September 18th, 2019, 11:09 am

They've appealed for the culprits to at least to give them a ring.

I dunno, it all sounds like a load of bullion to me.


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