The Lemon Fool

This came to me courtesy of an American friend.

#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert
advice.
#2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need
people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance
for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to
write that down. I'll remember it."
#6 - "On time" is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does
muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in
the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free
and three sizes
smaller?
#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so
much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you
up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope
you never will.
.. And one more:
"One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.