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Regional issue

Grumpy Old Lemons Like You
bungeejumper
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Regional issue

#200830

Postby bungeejumper » February 12th, 2019, 1:40 pm

So there I was in the local hospital this morning - nothing serious, just a dental thing that required a minor anaesthetic and a few stitches, results due back in a week but no likelihood of problems, says the doc. But they were expecting me to feel a bit woozy and unsteady for a few hours, so they were giving me the full aftercare instructions.

Step forward the assistant, a burly young chap with a number two haircut. "Snae wizzup altar yuise eggchop ward," he started. "Irrell dwang naught nooble alliphant stadges toward fave, nor errell ordnor, okay?"

I apologise to everyone if I have somehow misquoted him. He had the most unintelligible Northern Ireland accent I've ever encountered, and I've worked with a fair few Ulstermen during my time labouring in the builders' yards. And they just had to choose this one to give me my going-home instructions.....

His colleagues looked at him with evident incomprehension, which made me feel a bit better. I summoned up my courage and prepared for the worst.

"I'm really sorry, but I didn't quite catch that," I said. "Could you just say that again?"

"Snor doodle alliphant tell bardell pomfley," he says to me. And he hands me a printed sheet, which mercifully contains the instructions printed in English. No chewing, no spitting, no alcohol, no hot drinks, no vigorous exercise, no sex. That's my plans for the afternoon boggered, then. Things can only get better. :(

BJ

UncleEbenezer
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Re: Regional issue

#200841

Postby UncleEbenezer » February 12th, 2019, 2:27 pm

Damn, this is better than the jokes board. :lol:

AleisterCrowley
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Re: Regional issue

#200844

Postby AleisterCrowley » February 12th, 2019, 2:46 pm

Anyone remember the Private Eye "John Cole reporting from Westminster" features?
“Hondootedly”

chas49
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Re: Regional issue

#200847

Postby chas49 » February 12th, 2019, 3:25 pm

So how long has everyone spent so far trying to see if they can work out what he said? :)

Think I got "pomfley" = "pamphlet" :)

bungeejumper
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Re: Regional issue

#200851

Postby bungeejumper » February 12th, 2019, 3:40 pm

chas49 wrote:So how long has everyone spent so far trying to see if they can work out what he said? :)

Think I got "pomfley" = "pamphlet" :)

LOL, I wouldn't spend too much time on the terminological exactitude if I were you, because I was, after all, in a post-anaesthetic state at the time and may not have recalled every syllable. "Pomfley" and "alliphant" were in there, definitely, and "stadges" (stitches), but the rest is indicative and may possibly owe something to a nightmare I had the other night about Arlene Foster. :shock:

BJ

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Re: Regional issue

#200856

Postby oldapple » February 12th, 2019, 4:06 pm

Screenshooting this one for a rainy day - it's the way you tell them BJ (and I'm an Ulsterwoman!).

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Re: Regional issue

#200887

Postby sg31 » February 12th, 2019, 5:50 pm

I have a problem with accents, I need time to acclimatise to them. Part of the problem is my hearing isn't great but accents have always been difficult. I remember back in the late 70's being sent to my employers head office in Perth (Scotland not Australia). Instructions were to get off the train and take a taxi, just say the company name and 'head office', " they all know where it is, we are the biggest employer in town".

OK I'm in the taxi and I say the magic words. What followed was a string of complete gibberish as far as I was concerned. There were certain phrases I might expect on getting in a taxi and giving the address. "Right away", " Do you want building X or Y", " Traffic is busy at this time of day", Have you had a good journey?". This bore no resemblence to any of them. Complete and utter gibberish.

It later turned out I'd got the new driver from the highlands who spoke with a very broad highland accent. He was so new he didn't know the name of the company or where they were based. After several attempts to understand him I gave him a letter with the company name and head office address on it. He still looked completely blank so I got out of the taxi and into another. This driver I could understand and he took me to where I needed to be and explained about the other driver on the way.

I only understood one phrase the first guy spoke, it was just as I was getting out of his taxi and was ....." F*****g English".

I did wonder if he was laying it on deliberately until the other driver put me straight.

TUK020
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Re: Regional issue

#200891

Postby TUK020 » February 12th, 2019, 6:04 pm

I always remember my first visit to Bradford a few decades ago.
I pulled over to the side of the road to ask a little old lady with a blue rinse directions to where I was heading.
When I confessed that I hadn't understood a word of her response, I did indeed get the next bit "Ehhh, ya daft bugger"

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Re: Regional issue

#200903

Postby UncleEbenezer » February 12th, 2019, 6:38 pm

oldapple wrote:(and I'm an Ulsterwoman!).

So how much of it could you understand? ;)

UncleEbenezer
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Re: Regional issue

#200906

Postby UncleEbenezer » February 12th, 2019, 6:43 pm

TUK020 wrote:I always remember my first visit to Bradford a few decades ago.
I pulled over to the side of the road to ask a little old lady with a blue rinse directions to where I was heading.
When I confessed that I hadn't understood a word of her response, I did indeed get the next bit "Ehhh, ya daft bugger"

I daresay we've all encountered that kind of thing.

When I lived in Sheffield, I was of course exposed to a range of Yorkshire accents. Most were fine (I rather like the native Sheffield), but Barnsley had me at a complete loss until I became acclimatised.

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Re: Regional issue

#200930

Postby Rhyd6 » February 12th, 2019, 7:50 pm

OH is from Ashford, Middlesex and usually speaks what I believe is referred to as BBC English, not posh but clear and understandable. About two years ago an uncle of the landlord of our local came to stay and he was a proper Londoner, no-one could understand a word he said because in addition to his accent he peppered his speech with large quantities of rhyming slang. The only one who could understand him was OH and he gained great kudos for his long and involved conversations with uncle. OH did comment that now I could understand how he felt when friends and I lapsed into Welsh, we now make a determined effort to only speak English when he is around.

R6

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Re: Regional issue

#200941

Postby oldapple » February 12th, 2019, 8:43 pm

UncleEbenezer wrote:
oldapple wrote:(and I'm an Ulsterwoman!).

So how much of it could you understand? ;)



The "okay,?" ;)

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Re: Regional issue

#200946

Postby kiloran » February 12th, 2019, 9:10 pm

bungeejumper wrote:Step forward the assistant, a burly young chap with a number two haircut. "Snae wizzup altar yuise eggchop ward," he started. "Irrell dwang naught nooble alliphant stadges toward fave, nor errell ordnor, okay?"
BJ

Dunno what your problem is. Google Translate detects it as being english.

--kiloran


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