So what should I call you, dear.

[Peanutte]

I am increasingly irritated by being called 'darling', 'my love', 'my lovely', 'dear', 'sweetheart' etc, etc.

This is usually from shop assistants - and when I remonstrate with them - they look surprised.

I was particularly upset by being called 'my love' by the receptionist at my dental practice. I'm spending a small fortune on extensive dental treatment and she still can't be bothered to use my name.

I don't think it is because I am old (I don't regard myself as THAT old) - because I hear them talk to other customers/patients the same way.

It used to just be motor mechanics and builders who called you 'darling' (and looked over your shoulder to find your husband). Nowadays, everyone's at it.

FWIW - I don't actually mind being called 'mate' - which indicates talking to someone on the same level. The same (usually) man saying 'sweetheart' is talking down.

Is it just me??

[Mike4]

I never get any of that.

Most people just call me "ya bastard".

[Tedx]

I never get any of that.

Most people just call me "ya bastard".

When they get the bill?

[Mike4]

I never get any of that.

Most people just call me "ya bastard".

When they get the bill?

Nope.

Usually when I'm paying theirs!

[stevensfo]

I am increasingly irritated by being called 'darling', 'my love', 'my lovely', 'dear', 'sweetheart' etc, etc.

This is usually from shop assistants - and when I remonstrate with them - they look surprised.

I was particularly upset by being called 'my love' by the receptionist at my dental practice. I'm spending a small fortune on extensive dental treatment and she still can't be bothered to use my name.

I don't think it is because I am old (I don't regard myself as THAT old) - because I hear them talk to other customers/patients the same way.

It used to just be motor mechanics and builders who called you 'darling' (and looked over your shoulder to find your husband). Nowadays, everyone's at it.

FWIW - I don't actually mind being called 'mate' - which indicates talking to someone on the same level. The same (usually) man saying 'sweetheart' is talking down.

Is it just me??

I don't think it is because I am old (I don't regard myself as THAT old) - because I hear them talk to other customers/patients the same way.

Re. shop assistants, I think that you may be reading too much into it. They assume that they are just being friendly and maybe they don't spend so much time on the internet or have teenage sprogs to learn what is and isn't PC today.

I actually hate being addressed as 'mate'. To me it translates as, 'You want to pretend that you know what I'm talking about, too polite to argue and want to appear as one of the lads that knows about these things, so you'll accept whatever quote I give you for the work.'

At the Dentist, one expects a certain standard of medical behaviour, so yes, I would insist on a professional and respectful greeting. But....there are a lot of people who are terrified of the dentist, so perhaps she's been trained to speak like that to put you at your ease.


Steve

[DrFfybes]

I lived in Sheffield in the 1990s. I was about 30 amd could be 'duck', 'love', 'flower', and 'darling' in the Harvester before even reaching the salad bar.

And that was from men and women. Men calling each other 'darling'and 'love' in the ex mining communities was a bit startling at first.

[GrahamPlatt]

She gave me a smile
from the top of the pile
which made me forget
why I’d come, for a while

Like a bolt from the blue
too good to be true
to think the young lady
has eyes just for you

But I’ll have to admit
When push comes to shove
around here the shopkeepers
call everyone “Love”

Hovis Presley

[Lootman]

At the Dentist, one expects a certain standard of medical behaviour, so yes, I would insist on a professional and respectful greeting. But....there are a lot of people who are terrified of the dentist, so perhaps she's been trained to speak like that to put you at your ease.

In a professional setting such as a doctor's office, I would expect "Sir" (or "Madam") if for some reason "Mr Lootman" cannot be used.

But I wonder if "Sir" and "Madam" are out of fashion now that everyone can choose what gender they are? It can be risky assuming gender these days, whereas "love" and the like have the virtue of being gender-neutral.

[Urbandreamer]

I lived in Sheffield in the 1990s. I was about 30 amd could be 'duck', 'love', 'flower', and 'darling' in the Harvester before even reaching the salad bar.

And that was from men and women. Men calling each other 'darling'and 'love' in the ex mining communities was a bit startling at first.

Indeed. I certainly found it so back then. Ever since I've had some difficulty accepting the offense that some ladies feel being referred to the same way, though I only refer to female members of my immediate family that way.

One point though is that I don't come from Sheffield. Is it possible that the OP has moved from where they grew up to a different area with a different culture.

Re "Madam", I accidentally offended a lady by using that term in Manchester during the 90's. Offense is more often taken than deliberately given.

[stevensfo]

I lived in Sheffield in the 1990s. I was about 30 amd could be 'duck', 'love', 'flower', and 'darling' in the Harvester before even reaching the salad bar.

And that was from men and women. Men calling each other 'darling'and 'love' in the ex mining communities was a bit startling at first.

Indeed. I certainly found it so back then. Ever since I've had some difficulty accepting the offense that some ladies feel being referred to the same way, though I only refer to female members of my immediate family that way.

One point though is that I don't come from Sheffield. Is it possible that the OP has moved from where they grew up to a different area with a different culture.

Re "Madam", I accidentally offended a lady by using that term in Manchester during the 90's. Offense is more often taken than deliberately given.

Re "Madam", I accidentally offended a lady by using that term in Manchester during the 90's. Offense is more often taken than deliberately given.

How can you possibly offend a woman with 'Madam'. This is, for me, the most neutral, polite term you can possibly use for a woman.

Or for those who remember Dick Emery, maybe Miss?

Steve

[Lootman]

Re "Madam", I accidentally offended a lady by using that term in Manchester during the 90's. Offense is more often taken than deliberately given.

It was explained to me that "Madam" can imply that the woman being addressed is older.

It is a minefield out there.

[Gerry557]

Or did she run a house with a red light outside

[bungeejumper]

I'd tend to agree that terms like love, pet, our kid (Brum) or moi dear (Zummerzet) are just people being friendly, and maybe misreading the context a little bit. I totally take it on board, though, that a man calling a woman darlin' is tacky and offensive, even if it's not intended to be, because it sounds so much like the prelude to a pick-up attempt. (Unless it's in a crowded street market, possibly?)

At the Dentist, one expects a certain standard of medical behaviour, so yes, I would insist on a professional and respectful greeting. But....there are a lot of people who are terrified of the dentist, so perhaps she's been trained to speak like that to put you at your ease.

LOL, I nearly walked out of the optician's once when the bright young thing who was doing my NHS eye test started calling me sweetie. (I was 62 at the time, and most emphatically not gaga. ) Being a polite sort of chap, I bridled quietly but didn't confront her directly about it, because I wanted her to complete the damn test, and ideally without inciting any violence on my part.

When we finally we got to the end of the test, she segued sweetly into soft-soap sales mode, in readiness for selling this silly old softie the entire range of expensive filters and extras, and I grabbed the prescription from her hand and told her I was running late, and I had to get to the office because my team were waiting for their briefing. Didn't even look round to watch her face falling, but I like to think it did.

But it's a funny old world, and we all have our pet hates. If you really want to make me flounce out of a shop, try calling me and my wife "you guys". I know it's just a commonplace young person's saying that's come off some TV programme or other, and it isn't actively intended to annoy, but somehow it does. A quick spin of the heel, and I'm out of there. There'll always be another shop somewhere that knows the difference between male and female.

BJ

[Peanutte]

Perhaps men don't notice - or are even flattered - when a woman calls them "Love".

When I am told by the shop assistant "I was only being friendly" I am inclined to reply "You may call your partner, child and possibly your mother, darling. But since I am not related to you, I am not your darling."

Male talking to a Male often refers to him as 'John' - "You all right John?" Doesn't matter what their name is or whether they know each other.

The female equivalent is "Lou".

Perhaps I should start going to Waitrose instead of Aldi. I bet the Waitrose staff don't call the customers "Love".

[88V8]

Perhaps I should start going to Waitrose instead of Aldi. I bet the Waitrose staff don't call the customers "Love".

Oooh yes. They appreciate a good flounce in Waitrose, ducky

V8

[Dicky99]

It's one of those things that's a minefield for the addressor and a movable feast for the addressee.
Whether I'm cheered up or offended by how a stranger addresses me depends on many factors.
It's a nice thing, for example, if the informal address comes with sincere warmth, if it's the accepted local vernacular (me duck) or if it's a sunny day, there's a Y in the month and I happen to be in a good mood, I'm quite happy to be addressed as love, darlin', sweetheart, whatever.
Maybe not so well received if a more formal address is appropriate, if it comes across as casual, patronising or insincere or if I'm just in a fractious mood.
Generally speaking though there's so often such a minimum of friendly engagement when dealing with strangers out and about, or people who take your money for all the various reasons, any pretence of friendliness is better than nothing.
I have to say though I'm no fan of being called 'mate' by someone I don't know and don't even get me started on someone I've never met before calling me 'brother'

[Lootman]

don't even get me started on someone I've never met before calling me 'brother'

Mostly used in the black community, along with "sister".

But I notice that younger (white) people use "bro" a lot. I have two sons and they greet each other as "bro"

And when discussing respective gender loyalties, they might declare "bros before hos".

[Urbandreamer]

, if it comes across as casual, patronising or insincere or if I'm just in a fractious mood.

It's interesting that you use the word patronizing. In this case the OP was "patronizing" a Dentist, and spoke of two supermarkets, yet the term "patronizing" is being used to describe how those "patronized" address their customer.

Should we demand a forelock tug or curtsy?

Seriously the world has become less formal than that. Though as has been pointed out, men, do receive the same informality by those serving them, even if such servers are men.

As for insincere, well this is the UK. We don''t expect tried, overworked, employees to wish "Have a good day" with a smile worthy of Barbey.

Translations: Mate, (I'll treat you as such, lacking reasons not). Bro (Brother, we are all such under god). Love (again brotherly love). Dear (I've mistaken you for a four legged grazing animal). Ducks (Oh Jemima I love that bonnet).

[Dicky99]

How can you possibly offend a woman with 'Madam'. This is, for me, the most neutral, polite term you can possibly use for a woman.

Steve

I strongly suspect he must have used the term in a very patronising way

[Lootman]

How can you possibly offend a woman with 'Madam'. This is, for me, the most neutral, polite term you can possibly use for a woman.

I strongly suspect he must have used the term in a very patronising way

As I suggested before, "Madam" connotes age. As does "Lady".