Nihilistic headspace

[Dod101]

I wonder if someone can help me. I have a 35 year old stepson who is probably depressed. He lives overseas a long way from me, on his own (unmarried) Not a good communicator at the best of times. What does he mean when he uses the above phrase to describe himself, as in 'I have been in a nihilistic headspace'. I have no idea. I have an idea what nihilistic means and seriously would someone like to guess what his problem is. I do not know what he means or is trying to convey.

Dod

[ReformedCharacter]

I think that is another way of saying that he is depressed. As an erstwhile sufferer I wish him well.

RC

[Urbandreamer]

I would assume that RC is right in his interpretation.

However Nihilism is also described as "the doctrine of an extreme Russian revolutionary party.."
https://www.google.com/search?q=nihilis ... =firefox-b

I've come across the term Nihilism and Nihilistic many times before, though not before as a description of depression. I usually hear it applied as an insult by others to someone who seeks radical reform rarther than applied to oneself (unless you are seriously into anarchistic thinking).

Since I doubt that he was talking about deposing the government I would hazard a guess that he can't see what the point is in doing what he does day in, day out. The solution is radical change. He could have a go at stand-up comedy, and laugh if he gets booed off. Take up a sport like extreme ironing. Introduce randomness into his life by making a list of things to do and selecting from them using a dice.

[EssDeeAitch]

Nihilism refers to the futility of life. I suppose trying to put meaning back into existence is the key but I cannot begin to say how.

I really don't know how I would go about this if it were my son, I feel for you, good luck sorting this out.

[ReformedCharacter]

One approach, by way of response, might be to write something like 'It sounds as if you are suffering from depression...' It may be useful for him to at least acknowledge to you or perhaps to himself that the reason that his life seems so lacking is that he is suffering from a form of illness and to know that depressive illnesses can be treated. Obviously I don't know what sort of relationship you have with your step-son but some dialogue between yourselves is almost certainly worth the effort.

RC

[Dod101]

Thanks to all. His mother (my late wife obviously) died a couple of years ago and he is full of guilt, (rightly or wrongly) about how much attention he gave her in her last months. That is certainly one problem for him. I could go and see him but need to have a plan of action. What sort of professional could advise me does anyone know? Ideally I would like to point him in the direction of someone who could help.

Yes I think he is depressed. I have no experience of this but have a good relationship with him and want to help if I can. He appears not to have much of a relationship with his own father although since we are all geographically spread out I have few details.

Dod

[ReformedCharacter]

What sort of professional could advise me does anyone know? Ideally I would like to point him in the direction of someone who could help.

Dod

According to this:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/201 ... epressants

1 in 6 people in England in 2017 were prescribed antidepressants. Rather a shocking figure if true. I was treated with them myself for a number of years. I rather doubt if they did me any good and they certainly left me with some permanent side-effects.

Here is an NHS link describing common treatments:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/clinical- ... treatment/

You mentioned that your step-son may have some residual feelings of guilt with respect to his mother's death. Perhaps a counsellor might help, I understand that CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can be very helpful. As the old BT advert used to say 'It's good to talk'.

Exercise can also be very helpful, making use of the brain's own chemistry to lift mood.

Many individuals - and I include myself in this category - have a disposition towards depression which may be with them more or less for their lifetimes. It can usually be managed though so that it does not unduly impair a person's quality of life.

The mere fact of accepting that one is suffering from depression can be helpful, ie the understanding that it is an internal and treatable condition of self rather than an inherent aspect of the external world (which we cannot change) that is producing those nihilistic feelings. That is why I suggested that if you do nothing else you talk to your step-son about his depression and encourage him to seek help.

RC

[Dod101]

Thanks RC. I have in fact suggested counselling to him but may need to see him I think to persuade him. I appreciate your personal comments and may respond in more detail later. I am just about to leave for lunch now.

Dod

[redsturgeon]

Hi,

I am a trained counsellor and have a psychology degree but unfortunately there is just not enough information here for me or anyone else to make any sort of judgement with any reasonable level of confidence.

All I could suggest is for you to speak with him some more to try to ascertain what he is thinking. Perhaps you can ask him to elaborate exactly what he means by the phrase he has used...there is no real point any of us trying to guess.

I realise you are not trained in this but a conversation with him in which you do a lot of listening and ask a lot of general questions might be a good next step. Asking if there is anything he needs or whether he would like you to visit might be worthwhile. Sometimes having someone you know listening to you can be the best thing.

John

[vrdiver]

I realise you are not trained in this but a conversation with him in which you do a lot of listening and ask a lot of general questions might be a good next step. Asking if there is anything he needs or whether he would like you to visit might be worthwhile. Sometimes having someone you know listening to you can be the best thing.

To add to the above, most men tend to see a problem as something that needs fixing. When presented with one, our brains want to get to the answer. In cases of depression, there isn't usually an external "fix" that you can give him, but letting him express his emotions, just listening and being supportive is an incredibly valuable resource you can offer.

You might want to take a look at https://www.samaritans.org/media-centre ... ening-tips for some tips on what the Samaritans recommend when it comes to that kind of support.

All the best
VRD

[Dod101]

Thanks to all who have responded especially those with direct personal experience. Taking the advice of redsturgeon and vrd in particular, I have offered to go and see the guy and get a direct impression of his condition and what might be done for him. I have suggested counselling and tried to show that there is nothing wimpish about it. As I think I said earlier, I have a good relationship with him and he usually listens to what I have to say. Whether he will act on it is of course another matter.

As someone said getting him to talk would be a huge step forward and it would be very good for him as well. We will see. I do not see this being resolved quickly but will report back as and when.

Dod