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The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
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- Lemon Slice
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The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment.
Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.
Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
simsqu wrote:I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment.
Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.
You have not expressed the full horror of the situation. They blow the leaves off the paths because they are a slip hazard and the council does not want to be sued. But they blow them on the grass. Which means the "Friends of" the park have to come and lift the leaves before they kill the grass. Feckers.
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- Lemon Half
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
Hand dryers in train toilets. Like a hamster's fart.
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- Lemon Half
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
simsqu wrote:I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment (including any other stuff you feel you want to add - tee hee)
Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.
- Talcum powder
- Button flies
- Cotton buds
- Straws
- Traffic lights
- Smart motorways
- Snow ploughs
- Wrinkle cream
- Anaglypta
- Ties
- Tank tops
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- Lemon Half
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
agree with all that except for:
“That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth.” - Jerry Seinfeld
YMMV
- sd
AsleepInYorkshire wrote:2. Button flies
“That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth.” - Jerry Seinfeld
YMMV
- sd
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
None of those items are useless if you are the person selling them for profit.......and doing very nicely as a result.
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- Lemon Slice
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
I spent several happy hours building one of these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z86V_ICUCD4
Yeah, a machine that exists to turn itself off . . . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z86V_ICUCD4
Yeah, a machine that exists to turn itself off . . . . .
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- Lemon Slice
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
When it comes to leaf blowers, they are very good useful pieces of equipment, in the right hands. I therefore suggest that in your case, the "most useless piece of equipment" is the council oick on the other end of the leaf blower.
I am more in agreement with the suggestion of hot air hand driers being useless. In my experience, they are designed to make a lot of noise for no good reason other than blowing drops of water from your hands onto your trousers, therefore making in look as if you have an incontinence problem.
I am more in agreement with the suggestion of hot air hand driers being useless. In my experience, they are designed to make a lot of noise for no good reason other than blowing drops of water from your hands onto your trousers, therefore making in look as if you have an incontinence problem.
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- Lemon Half
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
Cuff links. Tie pins. Lucky Cornish piskies. Ten-year guarantees on light bulbs ("remember to keep your proof of purchase"). Turn indicators on BMWs.
The list goes on and on, and on, and on....
BJ
The list goes on and on, and on, and on....
BJ
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- Lemon Half
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
Snorvey wrote:Our council has given up on clearing leaves, preferring instead to ensure their pensions are fully funded and anyone in management who wishes to retire at age 45 can do so safe in the knowledge the council will look after them financially.
...saying that, they have invested in expensive looking giant remote control lawnmowers......but it would seem the operative has to walk 2 feet behind the machine with the remote control in hand - so completely pointless. No that they're cutting the grass much either (other than the areas around council HQ which are extremely well maintained). When they do cut it, they only do the edges of the area, leaving the middle untouched. It's a good job the grass grows more slowly up here.
I'd blame the Scottish Government. But they only blame 'the Westminster Tory government we didn't vote for'
Anyone fancy setting up a Lemonfool republic? I'm sure if we club together we can buy an island somewhere.
It is nothing to do with saving money, it's to help the environment and provide a natural habitat for whatever might need it. Well that is the justification in this area.
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- Lemon Slice
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
The "Residents' parking only" sign on our street
The plastic bags that line cereal packets nowadays - bring back the wax ones.
Modern toilet cisterns
The tape recorder(!) that plays "Your call is important to us" on a loop. If it was that important....
The plastic bags that line cereal packets nowadays - bring back the wax ones.
Modern toilet cisterns
The tape recorder(!) that plays "Your call is important to us" on a loop. If it was that important....
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
simsqu wrote:I would like to invite members to suggest the Planet's most useless piece of equipment.
Could I humbly start the ball rolling with The Handheld Leaf Blower, usually seen being held by a diffident teenager in the local Council's livery, as he wafts it back and forth in an insouciant manner so as to shift desultory leaves from one patch of park to another two feet away, and back again, leaving a trail of both noise and unburnt petrol pollution in his wake.
Redsturgeon - do you think you could take yours round to simsqu's house this weekend and wake him up at 6am?
viewtopic.php?p=9377#p9377
HYD
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- Lemon Pip
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
bungeejumper wrote:Turn indicators on BMWs.
BJ
Since when have BMWs had turn indicators?
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- Lemon Half
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
bungeejumper wrote:Cuff links.
BJ
Essential if you have double cuffs - but double cuffs...WHY?
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
AleisterCrowley wrote:bungeejumper wrote:Cuff links.
BJ
Essential if you have double cuffs - but double cuffs...WHY?
Because they're SO much smarter than single cuffs. Separates you from the riff raff.
Can you imagine James Bond wearing a single cuff shirt. Never.
HYD
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- Lemon Half
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
AleisterCrowley wrote:"Smarter"
Pfffttttt....
Ha ha. You bought a suit jacket recently so I guess you want to look presentable sometimes? Otherwise, why bother?
HYD
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
sg31 wrote:Snorvey wrote:Our council has given up on clearing leaves, preferring instead to ensure their pensions are fully funded and anyone in management who wishes to retire at age 45 can do so safe in the knowledge the council will look after them financially.
...saying that, they have invested in expensive looking giant remote control lawnmowers......but it would seem the operative has to walk 2 feet behind the machine with the remote control in hand - so completely pointless. No that they're cutting the grass much either (other than the areas around council HQ which are extremely well maintained). When they do cut it, they only do the edges of the area, leaving the middle untouched. It's a good job the grass grows more slowly up here.
I'd blame the Scottish Government. But they only blame 'the Westminster Tory government we didn't vote for'
Anyone fancy setting up a Lemonfool republic? I'm sure if we club together we can buy an island somewhere.
It is nothing to do with saving money, it's to help the environment and provide a natural habitat for whatever might need it. Well that is the justification in this area.
They ploughed up our roadside grass and part of our park grass, and scattered wildflower seeds to make "pollination corridors". It looks OK the first year, but thereafter it degenerates into a weed patch with the strongest and ugliest winning.
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- Lemon Quarter
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Re: The Planet's most useless piece of equipment
Humane mouse traps
Obviously the little sods are going to find their way back to your property. Or are you really going to drive them 100 miles down the road and release them into woodlands remote from any human habitation!! Really?
Matt
Obviously the little sods are going to find their way back to your property. Or are you really going to drive them 100 miles down the road and release them into woodlands remote from any human habitation!! Really?
Matt
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